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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 13 year old at home with 3 year old for 2hours during the day

142 replies

youmeat6 · 19/04/2024 23:27

Well that, 13 year old is mature and can be trusted to stay home alone for a few hours, would it be unreasonable to leave the 3 year old with him for 2 hours? My parents live a few doors down.

Would like outside opinions.

OP posts:
CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 19/04/2024 23:54

a youngster is able to work part time from the age of 13 and can take the babysitting course from the age of 14.

i don't see a reason why not, slightly early but if you say they are mature and know the toddler and that family is nearby worth a try.

2chocolateoranges · 20/04/2024 00:01

Not a chance.

I’d leave the 13yr old on their own but it’s too much responsibility to look after a 3 yr old too.

Flyhigher · 20/04/2024 00:02

No.

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 20/04/2024 00:02

No I wouldn’t do this. Too much can go wrong.
I would leave a sensible 13 year old home alone for a couple of hours as long as they weren’t using the oven. I wouldn’t leave them in charge of a young child unless it was an emergency.

Daisy12Maisie · 20/04/2024 00:14

My sister is 11 years younger than me. I absolutely hated having to look after her and even now I think it was unreasonable that I was made to.

In my defence I wasn't allowed to discipline her at all so she just ran wild whilst I was responsible for her. I think it's neglect. Not a 13 year old doing it for 2 hours as a one off but if it's a regular thing I think it's neglect based on my experience. My sister has turned out great by the way despite the terrible and inappropriate babysitting. It's the impact on the older one not the younger one I think is bad if it's in a regular basis.

Sometimeswinning · 20/04/2024 00:22

These threads always make me roll my eyes.
Aibu?
yes!
Ah it was dh’s idea. I didn’t really agree either but now a load of strangers have confirmed it I’m good with my choices.

Talk about throwing dh under the bus!

SillyBiscuits · 20/04/2024 00:30

Daisy12Maisie · 20/04/2024 00:14

My sister is 11 years younger than me. I absolutely hated having to look after her and even now I think it was unreasonable that I was made to.

In my defence I wasn't allowed to discipline her at all so she just ran wild whilst I was responsible for her. I think it's neglect. Not a 13 year old doing it for 2 hours as a one off but if it's a regular thing I think it's neglect based on my experience. My sister has turned out great by the way despite the terrible and inappropriate babysitting. It's the impact on the older one not the younger one I think is bad if it's in a regular basis.

Came here to say exactly this.

I think a 13 year old is more than capable of minding a toddler for 2 hours, I’m actually surprised at how many posters have said hell no.

My issue comes in with the impact on the older sibling. I regularly babysat my young siblings as a teenager and I really resented it. Same scenario for me, GP a few doors down and DM only minutes away. Once my DM realised she had an extra pair of hands I was roped in to regular unpaid babysitting and made to feel like the kids were partly my responsibility. Felt very unfair at the time and even more so in hindsight.

Willyoujustbequiet · 20/04/2024 00:35

No chance.

Completely unfair on your 13 year old. Leave the 3 year old with your parents.

BeachHutsAndDeckchairs · 20/04/2024 00:38

Yes it it was a one-off or every now and again and you don't take the piss with it.

As a couple of pp above, I had to look after my younger siblings as a teen, from about 12 or so, and it was fine until my elder sibling had a baby and I was suddenly the family babysitter and hated it!

Queenfierce · 20/04/2024 00:40

No !!! Not ok at all do not do this!!

Splat92 · 20/04/2024 00:41

I would do it with my kids' personalities but I do think it is dependent on the children.

GreatGateauxsby · 20/04/2024 00:45

I am considered mega lax / 1980s negligent by my peer group of parent friends and even i wouldnt do this...

Even if their personalities mean it should be fine, dumb luck can create situations a 13 yo child just isnt equipped to deal with.

Hankunamatata · 20/04/2024 00:47

I think it would be a no. Could grandparent come up or the two of them go down. You could pay 13 year old some money to babysit and entertain the 3 year old.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/04/2024 00:49

I wouldn't. Even the best behaved toddler can do something silly and potentially dangerous. It's not fair to expect a 13 year old to handle it.

redastherose · 20/04/2024 00:54

If the 13year old is responsible then yes, my 2 DD's have the same age gap an I did this at that age.

LifeWithADHD · 20/04/2024 01:01

youmeat6 · 19/04/2024 23:31

My husband thinks it's ok, but I was iffy - it's doesn't feel right to me. I will take my 3 year old with me

Absolutely not a good idea. Say there was an accident like little one was choking … older dc wouldn’t know what to do.

13 is way too young to have that responsibility

Daisybuttercup12345 · 20/04/2024 01:04

Not a chance. Don't take risks like this.

LittleRebelGirl · 20/04/2024 01:06

My 13 year old son was capable and happy to do the odd babysit whilst I went to the shop or something like that. Wasn't frequent maybe an hour, 2 tops. Just now and then - maybe once every other month? My 3 year old was undiagnosed asd and adhd too, but the house was as safe as could be for him. Risks were minimised in lots of ways. I am very risk averse, and don't allow so much stuff other parents do (my younger ones are 11 and 8 and I still hold hands crossing the road, they don't have mobile phones, they don't play on the street or go anywhere unsupervised) but this was something I was comfortable with. DS was happy to spend time with his brother one on one without me as he found his sibling more responsive instead of just reaching for me all the time. As a result they have a great bond.
I don't see any issue with what you're proposing so long as the environment is not full of danger, and the older one is both capable and wants to do it.

Mediumred · 20/04/2024 01:08

I’m going to go against the prevailing mood and say it would be ok if it wasn’t all the time as a default childcare, three isn’t a tiny tot, and you have grandparents near, what does the 13-year-old think about it?

TempestTost · 20/04/2024 01:49

I would say if you feel the 13 year old is ready, and the 3 year old manageable, it would be just fine. My daughter babysat a toddler at that age and did a great job.

SammyScrounge · 20/04/2024 01:56

Just no. Not ever.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 20/04/2024 01:58

Probably be ok. I was babysitting at 13 for random little kids in the street. I think they are all still alive. Well they were when I left them.

Italianita · 20/04/2024 03:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

KiwiOtter · 20/04/2024 03:38

If you can just take the 3 year old with you, why even consider leaving them with your 13 year old?

Ny mother used to leave me with my 2/3 year old sister regularly when I was 13, and yes I coped, but it was way too much responsibility for that age. Definitely felt neglectful of my mother in hindsight.

StarryBook7 · 20/04/2024 05:58

I couldn’t help but think of The Babysitter Club series. The girls babysat all different ages including toddlers, while they were 13 years old.

In reality there is no way I would leave a 13 year old to babysit a 3 year old.

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