Do you plan for your child's education assuming they'll be super smart ?

[trainsg]

I've been in touch with a few parents in my DS nursery.

They will all start school in September so of course the talk is all about where they may or may not go.

I've noticed that very educated parents seem to be planning their child's education, expecting them to go to a grammar school or ruling out other schools for not being academic enough etc.

I'm also educated ( masters degree etc ) and I had good grades at school but I'm not assuming my children are going to be like me and I would rather assume that I want them to be in the nicest environment for them, rather than the most academic one to start with.

My child is 4. So it's hard to tell how it will go for him. I want to see, if he's academically gifted and a grammar school or an ultra competitive school is for him, it will become clear. But I'm not planning my choices from primary school, assuming he'll be a genius.

I'm not saying I'm right and they're wrong. In fact I'm starting to think I'm wrong because all the parents I speak to, seem to be planning for their children to go to grammar school / highly competitive schools already. Maybe I have the wrong attitude ? I just don't want my child to be under all this pressure from us. Just because we were reasonably academic, doesn't mean he'll be too. Or do you ' make a child academic '?

Many people expect a lot from their children
They also think that getting into the most prestigious schools is important
It's about what's important to you tbh

It can be as important as you like, not all kids are going to be geniuses, or are they ?

I don't live in a grammar school area, so that's not a conversation in this area, but most parents do want their children to go to a good school. I'm saving so DD can go to uni if that's right for her; if not it'll support training or a house deposit.

Planning anything for a 4 YO is mad. Just see how it goes as they grow up.

Well if you And child's dad are intelligent and/or well educated it stands to reason your offspring will be similarly able? But in answer to your question, no I don't - DP and i are both ND and neither of us did the uni thing (I did about 10 other further ed courses instead and DP dropped out midway through) so whilst I already know my children are quick witted and have 'the brains' in theory to be "well educated" I am well aware it might not suit their personalities or indeed chosen career paths...

Besides, have you seen the price of higher ed these days?!? Plus all the most "comfortable" families I know these days are on the trades or sells straight, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

In my experience that’s social anxiety/aspirations speaking. DH and I and most of our friends have doctorates and are just sending our children to the geographically closest school.

If your child is very bright, by 4 you'll have a good indication of this.
There is a world of difference between very bright and hitting average milestones.

It's not unreasonable to make tentative plans based on what you've observed by then, bearing in mind children will also have their own preferences and then issues like sports and arts will come into play, as well as any additional needs that might emerge.

But by that age, some indication of being very academically able will be quite evident.

I had a few friends/parents like that plus a few that waited until child was 7 before sending them to private school. I helped out in my DS’s reception class and a friend asked me what I thought about sending her DD to private school, I let her know that although an April born child and in the top group, the work set was too easy for her and she was complaining about the work being boring, so yes it was good for her.

It’s really not a matter of how academic or smart a child ends up being. Most children if properly supported are capable of achieving well in school. There is a reason certain schools and classes have more children from higher socioeconomic groups and it has nothing to do with intelligence or ability.

The world is set up to benefit a certain pattern of behavior and academic success. Parents who want their children to stay in the same socioeconomic class give their children the skills they need to follow that path.

I planned for my children to thrive in mainstream.....unfortunately that was not to be.

Because we are both have good degrees (and a PHD in my husband’s case), we did assume our DD would be intelligent and put her in for the 11 plus on this basis. She has always done well at school but not necessarily always exceeding in all areas. She passed the exam and is off to grammar school in September. No idea if this is the right approach; we are just doing what we think is best liked everyone else.

You plan for your highest hopes, then adjust as expectations alter.

I spent my SAHM years doing lots of teaching. They could both read (and comprehend the stories) at a level higher than their peers, as well as basic addition and writing. It was my aim for them to be bright.

If they'd seemed a bit dense or not interested then I'd have had to changed my approach, but by 4 I think most parents will have an idea whether their kid is bright or not.

We didn’t.
We planned so we could provide them with the best possible opportunity to reach their potential.
One is going to be reasonably average academically but with other passions that her school support and foster.
The other will be the top end academically and in the sporting arena. Their school gives her all that she needs to succeed.

I don't know, some kids already present as 'bright' as babies or pre-schoolers. For instance, with two of mine, I just knew they were, the others not so much. It's panned out as I would have expected in terms of the schools they got into, their GCSE results, A- levels and unis.

I think you and I are on the same page OP. I have not planned for my kids to go to prestigious schools or expected them to go for grammars etc
They go to the nearest schools so that they have local friends

Not everyone at grammar school is a ‘genius’

most of them are there because they have interested parents who always had high expectations for them, enlisted tutors and promoted an environment where they would do very well

i’m absolutely planning for my DD to be bright. If she struggles with school or has some neurodivergence that makes traditional academic attainment a struggle- we will adjust

if you wait for your kids to show signs of being a ‘genius, it’s often too late

I'm sending mine to an independent school that goes up to 18. To make sure that it's easier for him to stay on into secondary school there too. Rather than facing the 11 plus debacle. It's a good all round school.

I'm trying to play it safe with him. I chose this school because it's up to 18 and the children from the primary school have a good chance to go to the secondary school. Not sure if that's the right thing to do.

Both DH and I are university educated, went to grammar school etc.

At four, it was clear DD had SEN... both speech related and dyslexia. We knew we had to be realistic, and made choices so that she would be able to access academic and vocational education.

Shes nearly 13 now. She is still dyslexic obviously... but it has become obvious she is also very intelligent and hardworking. But doesn't do well in a stressful environment. We made the right choices for her... shes flying academically now.

Her younger sister would have done well at Grammar school, but she will do well at the Comprehensive as well. We deliberately chose not to live in a Grammar area to give DD1the best chance.

We are a relatively bright family , DH more than me . DS1 is very bright ( brighter than us ) DS2 is struggling and I wish that I’d planned more for him ! I recommend plan a , b and c !

We looked at 2 schools- more much more academic and selective than the other, so we had a back up plan if DS didn’t get in or if we felt he it wouldn’t be right for him.
Thankfully he got in and is generally doing well so far.

It's not just how academic they are, it's personality too. DH and I are both Oxbridge and we both have post-graduate degrees (him phd). He went to WinCol and I went to a very selective day school and we both thrived in the competitive environment.

DS is bright too but he would be crushed in a hot-house, competitive environment. He has needed to go to a much gentler, less pressured place. We could see that at 4yo and it has remained true.

I’m not in the UK but the private schools here basically make the kids sit the 11+ whether they are already there or applying externally and you can easily lose your place. Kids have to prep for 11+ regardless. I don’t think anyone choosing to send their kid to an independent could claim they are actually relaxed about their kids education. I don’t mean to sound judgemental when I say that, so sorry if it sounds that way.

Yeah I’ve sent my 4yr old to an independent school too because it’s a nice place and it has a reputation for being high performing at primary level. The reason I do what I do is so that when it comes to the 11+ she has a proper grounding in literacy and maths because I don’t want to tutor her. I wasn’t tutored for the 11+ and managed fine, I don’t want to put that pressure on her either.

I have assumed she’s bright and her teachers have consistently told me she is. Don’t know if that will carry on being the case but yes I do plan around making sure that I can give her access to the best education I can. If it turns out she’s not that bright I will revise down my expectations for her.

I don’t think it’s social anxiety, we are second generation immigrants and theres a culture of academic achievement being important. Thats not the same as shaming children for not being able to manage, but it is helping your kids to do the best they can. Also the world is a competitive place it’s all very well being chill about stuff but that doesn’t pay the bills. Possibly more security anxiety I suppose.

Do you live in quite a salubrious area with outstanding schools?

I'd save the money at secondary level, if you're in a grammar area and the child proves to be capable.