Thinking partners child is being dramatic

[LindArt]

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. He has a daughter who's in her 20s, I have a son in his 30s. His daughter has 3 children (4 and twins 2), my son has 2 children (3 and 6)
When his daughter turned 18 he moved in with me, my son lives on the same street, she is in a village 20 minutes away.
We probably see my partners daughter 2 times a month, on months with no school holidays this will be more like 1. On the flip of that, I'm a school cook, term time and school hours only, so I do childcare for my son's children. Every October we take all of them on a caravan holiday, we pay it, all they have to cover is 3 nights of dinner and drinks etc. We cover accommodation and give them petrol money.
In the Easter holidays just gone we didn't get to see them. She was on holiday for a week of it, then the 2 days she asked to come down and see us, we were out or her dad was working.
We FaceTimed the kids last night and when she called them over the eldest said "I don't want to talk to grandpa I thought it was grandad (dad's dad)". My partner was a little upset by this which I think is fair. He messaged after saying he was upset and would come up and see them on Sunday.

His daughter decided to reply with "well it's no shock. They barley know you"

Her mum passed away few years ago but her partners parents are very involved, his mum works around their childcare needs. They have dinner together once a week and all live in the same village. They do Christmas with them every year never with us. Now my son is the same with us, we live near him so it makes sense.

My partner is now really hurt and has said we need to balance it out more and we shouldn't be seeing more of one set of grandkids than the other.

AIBU to think this is all very dramatic and it's fine to see the grandkids you live near more than the others?

How does your DF not see much of his GC? Dont you make an effort to take your dc to see their grandad? Or do you think the effort lies at your DFs door?

Yes it should be more balanced. By him making the effort to see his daughter and her children more not by you seeing less of yours.

Don't take the comments about cutting the umbilical cord with your son to heart. So long as him and his partner are happy with the level of contact it's completely fine. I don't get on with my mother and I see her out of duty. If I had a loving and good mother I'd love to have the relationship like you have with your son.

I agree, when I said you I meant both of them as a couple not that she needs to organise the get together, I totally agree he can.

There is a lot of backstory. Sounds like daughter is reacting to the loss of her mum at a young age and dad "moving on/out" when she was 18.

At a guess, she probably imposes a lot of rules and regulations on her life now as a way to feel in control of everything, as she maybe felt her life was unravelling previously.

I don't think she is being dramatic, I think she is dealing with the cards she has been dealt.

You do not have to reduce contact with your own grandchildren, that is ridiculous. Your DP needs to repair his relationship with his daughter and make time and effort to fit in with her requirements, however difficult that may seem now. If he make an effort, she might relax a bit.

Yes, this struck me as awful.

OP, your DP basically abandoned his DD when she was 18. Now he wants you to reduce the time you spend with your DGC. He hadn’t got a clue, quite frankly.