Colleague informing my manager of a medical issue

[Sparklybutold]

I work frontline with members of the public, around 95% of it wfh. I have always suffered with a myriad of neurological and musculoskeletal problems throughout my life. Recently I have been referred to neurology, with MS being one of many diagnoses. I informed my manager during supervision as I have been open about my health issues since I started. My job suits my needs and limitations well. I am very proactive in ensuring I access all the support I can. During a conversation with a colleague I told her about this referral. She didn't ask many questions, just 'that she was familiar with MS as she had family/friends diagnosed'. I told her that I had already informed our manager. This colleague informed me today by email that she has let my manager know as she is 'duty bound' to ensure my safety. This has really angered me.

I've already told our manager - I told her this. So she has effectively told them again?

She didn't actually enquire about my own symptoms, supposedly going on her own understanding of MS. The tone of the email feels extremely infantilising and judgemental.

Confidentiality is central to our work. In instances that requires us to break this confidentiality, we let the person know. She told me after.

I have supervision on Friday with my manager. How do I broach this?

I understand why you feel really let down by your colleague. You were hoping for peer support and someone to confide in. She hasn’t acted in the way that you hoped and you know now that she isn’t the person you hoped she was.

I don’t think you will get anywhere with trying to get your manager to say what your colleague did was wrong. Disclosing that information could have been from a place of concern for your well-being or that of your service users. I know you feel she’s weaponised your medical situation to make you feel less secure in your relationship with your manager but don’t let her succeed. Keep on good terms with your manager, move forward with your head held high knowing that you’ve been honest and transparent and your colleague’s interference was unnecessary.

Oh, this, I like this! Please ignore the reply by Warshiprocinante at the top! Really unhelpful and not understanding! I feel you should absolutely mention this and how it has made you feel to your manager, even if just for a bit of supervision on it or something. Yeah, I’d be weary of the colleague moving forward.

As satisfying that it would feel initially, the likely outcome would be the colleague being all faux naive and “oh but I just wanted to make sure you were getting any help you need” and “we do work with the public and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t getting too tired and opening yourself up to the possibility of making a mistake” blah blah. No one would be able to disprove her intentions and it would just make you more angry!

Its so ridiculously over the top, not even your doctors know yet if you have MS. The possible symptoms and progression of an illness you MIGHT possibly have is far to nebulous to form a safeguarding concern. They've not only decided you have MS, but apparently you also have the rapidly progressive type. The discussion should be around what is actually happening for you, what is worsening, why has your doctor raised this possibility, do any of the worsening symptoms effect your work or your mental health or raise safeguarding concerns.

It sounds like your manager hasn't bothered to discuss your actual health, and what is actually going on and has instead focused on telling you how bad an illness you MIGHT have could be. Several posters aldo seem to have missed the fact you dont t have a diagnosis and that you are having more possibilities than just MS investigated. Two very experienced doctors thought I had MS, nothing showed in tests and 5 years later while other symptoms have worsened, they're all due to my original diagnosis.

She also had no reason to believe the OP

Bollocks. Op is an adult with a professional job- do you presume everyone you work with are incompetent liars? Because unless it’s proven otherwise, it’s usual and sensible to presume your colleagues are normal human beings who are doing what they say they are.

likely following protocol.

clearly she wasn’t following protocol otherwise the op wouldn’t be surprised and pissed off about it, and there would be a standard procedure for reporting your colleagues health issues that would be a lot more robust than just sending their manager a random email. That isn’t how ‘safeguarding’ works in any organisation.

@Sparklybutold doesn’t need some random colleague to act as her saviour. She is disabled, not stupid or dishonest.

Thankyou so much for all your support. I will log what happened and file it away, just in case.

I will be very cautious who and what I share.

Lesson learnt.

I know ACAS said it was a grey area, but you may want to get this thread moved to the legal or work board, if you want advice rather than sympathy.

It all sounds shit and I'd start looking for a new job. Confirm the contents of the conversation with your manager in an email. Don't explain anything about your conditions or what the future may look like - at most say "From our conversation, you seem to be under the impression that I have been diagnosed with MS. This is incorrect."

So it's a bigger issue than just confiding in a colleague and the colleague deciding independently, to "duty bound" tell the manager.

I said in a previous post to this, to consider that someone might feel uncomfortable in a work scenario of someone telling them an MS diagnosis and becoming overwhelmed that someone was confiding in them in a life-changing negative event.

I work to pay the bills. I'm nice to everyone at work. But I genuinely don't want people to offload their personal problems on me.

I want the company to be the basis of a support structure. I have enough on my plate.

However, the latest post, suggests the HR person and company is not supporting you.

I'd take legal advice early.

Don't confuse human sympathy from an HR person, with the later only legally obliged to support employee on X and Y.

Find out your legal rights, in terms of employment.

Because work-wise, you're now a liability. You're most likely to take time off being sick. Your company legal department is going to stipulate a hard line of minimum requirements.

Emotionally you're seeking warmth and support from fellow human beings. I would recommend you do that outside the work place. Within the workplace, you need legal representation to make sure the company supports you as it is legally required to do so.

Put and keep every communication in writing.

If you "feel" anything is unfair right now - put it in writing with a view to a court case.

This. Email them both. I’d be furious! Also ask your manager in the email to forward you a copy of her email to aid transparency.

Yes this is where I'm at. I'll get everything in writing Monday afternoon and then talk to unison to check things over.

She shouldn't have discussed your personal medical details but I'm unclear what it was you reported to her you were struggling with that made her feel he had to do this?
Have you actually been diagnosed with Ms?

You ate handling this so much more maturely than I would. I'd have been to tempted to say something like ' oh you are so right, I hadn't considered that, goodness, I ll email X now with all the info I'm aware of re your conditions so that my duty is done'.........
I can't undo what she's done but id drag the wagon into the same position with me.

The OP possibly has a neurological condition which might be MS, or a different neurological condition or might be related to an existing condition. That's why the colleague and the managers behaviour is so ridiculous. They're acting like she has MS and ignoring how bad this is going to be, when even her doctor's dont know if she has it yet or not.

@OldPerson

She hasn’t been diagnosed! She has been referred to a neurologist. That is all she said to the colleague.

There are many milder conditions that could potentially look like MS but are not.

Totally agree. Colleague is either not very bright or sees an opportunity for herself to get ahead.

It way not be a neurodegenerative disease like MS at all. Many things can mimic MS - FM, CFS, Long Covid, Coelic, pernicious anaemia etc.

I agree with you - this has for no reason triggered a huge amount of extra upset and stress for you. We’ve all been, or know family members who have, to see specialists who have said this could be x, x or x - but I am gobsmacked your colleague has basically diagnosed you with MS in advance of your specialist appt! I think you need to go to HR for support.
I hope you get both the medical and emotional support you need.

No I haven't been diagnosed with MS. Part of our role means prepping rooms for those we work with. So moving chairs, getting refreshments etc is part of it. I shadowed her as I havent done an in person one before (normally online). She showed me her hands which were showing some sign of difficulty, but she could do the job just fine. As we share another condition, I enquired how she found the hands-on bit of the job. We also spoke about the mutual need to pace ourselves. I then said something along the lines of 'I'm still figuring this out as I get used to the job, and I need to be mindful as a recent trip to the GP meant he hinted that my symptoms could be because of MS. I of course already knew this so it's not a surprise in itself. She then replied along the lines that she knew MS well as she had loved ones with it. I sensed a shift in the conversation - uncertainty. So I then informed her I'd spoken to our manager about it and all I could do was do the best I could whilst maintaining open dialogue with our manager. Conversation then moved on.

Next thing I know, an email had been sent where she had cc'ed our manager into it. Explaining she was duty bound.

It’s very odd given that it was in the context of sharing her own limitations, to go running to tell teacher before you’ve even had an appt. How would she feel if you’d shared your “safeguarding” concerns about her hands with your boss?

Btw I’ve had the “it could be MS” conversation from doctors and it wasn’t.

Next thing I know, an email had been sent where she had cc'ed our manager into it. Explaining she was duty bound.

No she really wasn't!

Could you not reply with your manager cc in with something along the lines of...

After our friendly conversation the other day I would like to thank you for highlighting your concerns from your personal experience. I have already addressed this matter to the manager you spoke to, as I had informed you, and would like to reasure you that I am still able to work as part of the team. My upcoming appointment is to ensure that this will be possible for a long time to come.

Or is that petty?

I’d do what @Hopefulsoontobe suggested although I’d probably be a bit more spikey.
Email to colleague cc’ing in manager:
Dear x

I’ve read your email multiple times and taken some days to respond as I’m very shocked at your disbelief that I’d already kept my manager informed. I would like to formally confirm that I’ve been fully transparent throughout and will continue to be, with manager. I will be far more cautious about information I share with you in future. I truly hope you never find yourself in my position and learn just how unsupportive colleagues can be. Let’s draw a line and move on from this point.

Regards
op

As much as I would love to do this. I don't think it would help with morale. Especially as I'll be working with her. I will be making a comprehensive account of it though.

I imagine your manager feels like you, another staff member has alerted them to something that was already in hand. Say how you feel but just to get it out to your manager, on balance the colleague can say she felt a duty of care, and you can't really argue with that. However given the manager already knows they will likely see the colleague as having a chance to impart her knowledge on MS, a grin and bare it situation for you both. Is she called Karen btw

I don’t think her email to you after discussing YOUR business with YOUR manager after you’d told her you’d already told your manager will help morale. You’re a better person than me OP. Good luck with how you choose to proceed.

I disagree. Until the manager speaks to OP they do not know whether OP has spoken to the other employee at all. To confirm they know may indeed be breaching confidentiality. The manager was correct in acknowledging the email and saying they will discuss with OP.

Once they have the discussion on Friday the manager can with OP's permission reply and say I was already aware of OP's condition as she had previously disclosed it. Having discussed it further OP I am satisfied that OP is receiving any necessary support and adjustments to carry out her role.