Colleague informing my manager of a medical issue

[Sparklybutold]

I work frontline with members of the public, around 95% of it wfh. I have always suffered with a myriad of neurological and musculoskeletal problems throughout my life. Recently I have been referred to neurology, with MS being one of many diagnoses. I informed my manager during supervision as I have been open about my health issues since I started. My job suits my needs and limitations well. I am very proactive in ensuring I access all the support I can. During a conversation with a colleague I told her about this referral. She didn't ask many questions, just 'that she was familiar with MS as she had family/friends diagnosed'. I told her that I had already informed our manager. This colleague informed me today by email that she has let my manager know as she is 'duty bound' to ensure my safety. This has really angered me.

I've already told our manager - I told her this. So she has effectively told them again?

She didn't actually enquire about my own symptoms, supposedly going on her own understanding of MS. The tone of the email feels extremely infantilising and judgemental.

Confidentiality is central to our work. In instances that requires us to break this confidentiality, we let the person know. She told me after.

I have supervision on Friday with my manager. How do I broach this?

@WarshipRocinante Projecting a bit on op. How do you know she ‘dumped’ on her? Sounds just like a conversation.

This is exactly where I'm flummoxed.

I spoke with ACAS today so I have some guiding points in my supervision tomorrow.

Thankyou for this. I certainly didn't dump. It was a conversation where she spoke more! But I'm learning this is her style. I know more about how she presents than the other way round. It would never cross my mind to then be 'duty bound' to inform our manager of any discussion we had about a medical issue which has no bearing on her role. She's a grown ass woman perfectly capable of ensuring her own safety at work. My threshold would be a lot higher! Even if I did have a concern I would talk it over with her first to discuss whether she should let managers know herself etc whilst ensuring she could access other support. As it is - she's just caused unnecessary stress at a time where I'm dealing with a lot of uncertainties. I shared where I was with it all owing to a misplaced sense of shared solidarity and the idea that I could trust her.

It's such a shame. I have no bio family so I know I seek for support wherever I can. Sometimes I get this wrong.

How does this relate to safeguarding?

How rubbish of your colleage. Take cafe of yourself

How did your meeting go @Sparklybutold ?

She is talking rubbish, from the information you are giving here about your job and employer, there was no reason to disclose your condition to your employer.
You didn't have to if you didn't want to, and it was absolutely not her place to do it. I would be furious too, and her email is so patronising!

It's a bit of a non-event in a way. You told her something, told her you had told the manager, she made herself look like a dick by telling the manager, and now you know not to tell her anything in future.

The issue is that you've been open and honest, and your colleague has gone behind your back.

You're unhappy because you don't feel you have the respect and trust of this colleague.

However, you have to consider that fact that maybe she didn't want you to share such personal information. She maybe felt you were reaching out to her and it was a burden that she wasn't able to cope with.

She may just be a malicious, back-stabbing person.

But either way, her actions aren't going to gain her respect from anyone.

I know very little about MS. But I do know in a work environment, if a colleague approached me and said, for example, they have cancer, I would hope the company was aware and putting in place support and leading the way in how that support was going to happen.

What sticks in the craw - is after you telling her you'd told your manager - that she "felt duty bound" to also inform the manager.

If you'd told me and also told me that you'd informed the manager - I might also approach the manager, but my approach would be "X told me about her MS. Can I ask how the company is supporting her, and what we can do to support her?"

Because I would think you'd want everyone rallying together and if we can't give tangible support, to at least make sure we're not making your life more difficult.

@HoppingPavlovaI would respond to her and cc your manager. Something along the lines of ‘given I had advised you that I had informed my manage of this medical condition, can you clarify what aspect that you felt duty bound with and what you were hoping to achieve overall with this communication’.

👍🏼

MS is a truly individual disease. And there are many types of MS. I see no need for her to be involved with discussion of your personal health matters again. And tell her just that.

If I was your manager I would shut her down immediately and said it's not her business! She had likely made herself look bad

Surely your manager will just be wtf? And assume your work mate is a weirdo

I would put a grievance in against her.
Discussing someone else's medical conditions with another colleague is an invasion of privacy and possibly also GDPR if she told your manager over email.

I wonder if she has a career plan through this duty bound malarkey?
Perhaps she's aiming for being the office champion in disabilities or support with wellness.
Then she'd get to 'know someone well' in all ailments and act like the super hero for 'saving them' with regular support/extra 121 meetings with her.
She'll be in one of your meetings with your supervisor next, with her folder full of people with health conditions that she can advise your manager on all her little experience with.
Then everyone will promote her and miss all the mistakes she's made at work/amount of sick days she's had or what ever else she's not been doing.
When you go to your meeting with your manager, just tell her you are declining to disclose further information outside of the meeting and ask that she can reassure you that this colleague has no access to your medical information.

Obviously your colleagues can't access the details but it sends a clear message to your manager that you know your rights about privacy and your colleague is over stepping.

How did the meeting go, OP? I don’t think your workmate had a duty of confidentiality towards you, she’s not your doctor or psychiatrist. In some situations eg alcoholism you’d probably have to bring it up. Depending also on what type of job you do. However, it does sound like it was none of her fuckinb business in this situation and she was shitstirring.

Following what protocol? Are there really protocols directing people to disclose other people's private health information?

It's a breach of trust. If I were the manager I'd have given the colleague a bollocking.

He should not have thanked her for letting him know. That implies she did the right thing and her information was appreciated - and that she should do the same in future.

He should have said nothing more than, 'It's not appropriate for me to discuss someone's private medical information.' Because it isn't.

Had the meeting. Manager got defensive when I told her I wasn't happy with the fact that the colleague disclosed the health info, especially as I had told her our manager already knew, so why exactly did she then disclose?

Initially she said that it was right that my colleague informed her if that colleague felt it could harm me or others. I did ask for clarification on how she had come to this conclusion as she didn't know any actual details other than 'neurology referral' and doc mentioned MS.

After some to-ing and fro-ing, the manager did state that the way my colleague did it wasn't right. That she should have spoken with me first and been more transparent.

I still don't think my manager understood my concerns and I'm still not clear about the legalities of it. What it has done is undermine trust.

What I find absolutely ironic is I know more of her condition and I would never make this jump and yet my colleague hears just the above and all of a sudden is duty bound.

My manager stated that no separate email was sent.

I'm still left feeling angry about the situation. But other than document it for my own records, I may need to just draw a line under it.

I explained to my manager that I have already been transparent with her, but the way my colleague had disclosed (and the way the manager handled it) undermines my trust and confidence in there ability to be able to respond in a measured way.

It feels that MS was heard, and alarm bells rang and it escalated unnecessarily. During our meeting, I felt there was lots of times that my manager just talked and talked. I kinda had a few out of my body experiences as my manager told me 'how serious MS was'. This didn't help at all. I honestly wished I hadn't said anything to anyone at work. Lesson learnt.

I'm still trying to come to my terms with the way my body is changing and what IF it is MS. Having work responding by going over the top doesn't help.

I did speak to acas who couldn't provide clarity on the legality of it. It was a 'grey area'. Couldn't get through to unison in time prior meeting.

I think the lesson from this is not to disclose anything to her. She is untrustworthy. Let your actual diagnosis be a total mystery to her. If she asks how things went explain you’re not willing to share because she unnecessarily broke your trust.

Don't overthink it now - this woman is not a friend, at least you know now.

The manager sounds out of her depth and is probably worried.

Focus your energies on you, not them. Tell them nothing until you have more information. Put all your energy into self-care for now and lean on people outside work.

I was told something similar and then was told that they had told their manager and everybody.

then their manager asked me in passing - about 2 months later - were they okay because it seemed like they werent.

i said oh surely its just their condition and they had told me that they occasionally struggle to manage it but have to do x y or z. Cue the manager looking horrified, clearly having not been informed.

manager had not been informed and effectively i had not done my
job properly… as i should have informed.

HoppingPavlova · 18/04/2024 05:37
I would respond to her and cc your manager. Something along the lines of ‘given I had advised you that I had informed my manage of this medical condition, can you clarify what aspect that you felt duty bound with and what you were hoping to achieve overall with this communication’.

This is exactly what you should do. Be clear with both of them.

You have every right to be angry. What a horrible thing your colleague did. I’d never confide in her again.