Colleague informing my manager of a medical issue

[Sparklybutold]

I work frontline with members of the public, around 95% of it wfh. I have always suffered with a myriad of neurological and musculoskeletal problems throughout my life. Recently I have been referred to neurology, with MS being one of many diagnoses. I informed my manager during supervision as I have been open about my health issues since I started. My job suits my needs and limitations well. I am very proactive in ensuring I access all the support I can. During a conversation with a colleague I told her about this referral. She didn't ask many questions, just 'that she was familiar with MS as she had family/friends diagnosed'. I told her that I had already informed our manager. This colleague informed me today by email that she has let my manager know as she is 'duty bound' to ensure my safety. This has really angered me.

I've already told our manager - I told her this. So she has effectively told them again?

She didn't actually enquire about my own symptoms, supposedly going on her own understanding of MS. The tone of the email feels extremely infantilising and judgemental.

Confidentiality is central to our work. In instances that requires us to break this confidentiality, we let the person know. She told me after.

I have supervision on Friday with my manager. How do I broach this?

My friend told her boss she had cancer but was very stubborn about not asking for as much help and support as she needed, and trying to "manage". It didn't end well, i wish she'd had a colleague to speak up and get her more help.

Assume for starters that your colleague has done this with best intentions. They have seen that its a difficult disease and want to ensure you are supported. They may have worried you were downplaying the impact.

You've been open about it and say your boss already knows. It would not be unusual for her to say "x told me about the ms - how awful. Let me know if there's anything i can do to help support her".

Also, does your role impact your colleagues? If your symptoms worsened, could there be a scenario where it could lead to workflow issues in the wider team that are easier to manage if planned for?

I disagree with this part. The manager shouldn't be discussing anything about the OP's medical condition with anyone, including confirming that he knows she has one or what she has said about it. His actual response was better, although he should have stopped after 'thanks for letting me know'.

I would go with "Thank you for letting me know. As I explained during our conversation I had already informed our manager. I shall know not to share anything personal with you in future."

Some of these comments are shocking, people aren’t robots, they talk at work, of course she’s in the wrong, it’s not her business to ‘report’ on your health. These comments telling you off are worrying - I wonder where these posters work, I bloody hope not with me!

@SkyBloo Even if it does, that’s not for them to assess.

Gosh we have so much talk of discrimination about faux nonsense I think people have actually lost sight of what is really discrimination at work. Scary.

she is batshit. lesson learned, don't tell her anything and keep communication with colleague to the bare minimum needed to do the job.

How utterly ridiculous, op has not even been diagnosed with anything.

It borders on something that could be a disciplinary matter in my opinion, a breach of confidentiality.

I'd just say to her, " hey Sandra my manager told me that you'd sent an email about my MS diagnosis. I had actually told my.manager about this already which I'd mentioned to you. In future please don't share personal health information to my manager without letting me know or copying me into the email. Thanks "

I think she absolutely shouldn’t have done this. I think she has behaved poorly. However, I don’t think she has ‘technically’ don’t anything wrong.

All she has do to is claim she is concerned (which can be for lots of reasons) and she spoke directly to her own manager in confidence out of these concerns.

She is very unlikely to face an action. And any sign of you getting snippy will probably end with her pretending she is a victim. Since she can say ‘I only did it because I was so worried now she is being awful’.

She also has no legal obligation to keep something you told her to herself. Though I think she should. I would speak to my manager, I wouldn’t let her see I was bothered and never discuss anything but work with her again.

I think it is really difficult actually because we only have your side here. She could be acting with the best of intentions out of concern for something you said.

I have had staff members who I have been very concerned about. When things tip into safeguarding you do then have a bit more responsibility to try and seek more help. In my case, I was very concerned about an individual’s mental health.

It’s just so nosy, isn’t it? And as a manager, why would I believe hearsay about someone’s medical history? Colleague could have got it wrong, spread unfounded rumours etc.

It was not her place to discuss your health with your manager. Not even if her intentions were good, which I expect they are not.

I would absolutely want to see the email before your Friday supervision so you can discuss its properly. Don’t discount notifying HR either at this stage.

I'd perhaps ask her if she thinks you're duty bound to report her health issues to manage,pment that's she has disclosed to you.

I'd be interested to see what she thinks when it's turned on its head.

I'd feel the same as you though. That despite even telling someone management are aware she didn't trust that you'd done enough or handled it yourself.

I would use the first and last part of this posters comment to write an email copying both the manager and cow of a colleague in. It's so well written!

I learnt the hard way to never discuss anything personal with colleagues.
I would say we’re all friends but on one occasion when I had a difficult personal interaction with a connected business I told a colleague (who I thought was also a good friend) that although business wise we worked well together I had lost a little faith in them as my personal interactions weren’t good. She told my manager and I was given a warning.

I’ve never discussed anything personal since, and in your situation I would err on that side too.
Sorry she was so mistrusting, it sounds like your manager is more supportive at least.

I think it's a breach of trust rather than a breach of confidentiality.

Your colleague should be able to share anything with her line manager that has been shared with her in a work context, and I very much doubt that any confidentiality policy would state otherwise.

Quite why she felt the need to share upwards in this particular situation is another question. I guess you will know next time not to trust her with anything personal.

What an appalling thing for your colleague to do. I have MS, it’s difficult enough going through a dx for MS, without someone interfering. I would never speak to her about anything again unless essential for work purposes. Wishing you all the best OP.

I cannot see how your diagnosis falls under safeguarding? How the hell is it a safeguarding issue? Safeguarding you from what? It’s more a concern about well-being.

is she more a collegue or a friend? I’d wait till Friday, read her email and then email her and state that you’re upset she broke your confidence and that she was not duty bound to inform your manager about a private issue. It was strange she sent the email knowing he already knew

Yes, I'd find that really annoying. Especially with the manager's reply. He should have said 'yes, I'm aware and sparkly and I have already had this conversation...'

I disagree. What has been said between sparkly and the manager, or even that they have spoken about the subject is not the colleagues business.

The manager should have just given a "thank you for your email, none of your business" type of response.

Have you actually been diagnosed with MS? Or do they just suspect it might be MS?

Unless you told her a symptom that means you are unfit for work (blurred vision when driving for example), she needs to wind her neck in.

@Sparklybutold maybe she didn’t believe you had told the Manager. Perhaps just ask her why she did it when you said you already had?

This is nothing to do with the OP's question, but can someone explain how frontline staff can work from home 97% of the time.

My understanding of frontline was working with people directly - in person.
Now I think I'm wrong and I stand corrected.

💐