To hate parenting in this country

[DontknowwhatI]

I have a young DC 2 years old, me and DH work full time but I work longer hours over 4 days and I am studying as well. Don't have any family around and I am finding parenting quite hard especially entertaining DC over preschool holidays and weekends. The weather is so crappy always raining and many days we went out and came back drenched because in within 15 minutes weather went from sunny to hailstorm and rain. It's always grey and lack of sunshine is really getting to me now.
I am an immigrant but have been in this country for over 10 years. I used to love this country but hate how expensive CoL has become and the exorbitant cost of childcare means we want to send DC only 4 days to nursery while I am working. I feel I am just working, parenting and doing household chores on repeat with no end in sight. Having no family around means no help available with childcare etc.
I know many people will say to go back to my country but I am a British citizen now. Don't know what to do.

The weather has been objectively awful over the last 12 months in the UK, and you're right in the thick of the most challenging years for parents at the moment, with a DC who is too young to play independently.

Don't worry about entertaining your DC. He or she is in nursery four days a week, getting plenty of fun and socialisation. You don't have to keep that going at home. There's nothing wrong with spending a good few hours on a rainy day watching children's programmes or a movie together, or reading, splashing and playing in the bath for an hour, etc.

Also, after age 3 your nursery bill reduce significantly after the funding kicks in.

Sounds like you need to take some time off and start enjoying life, or finding something you’re interested in- reading, doing puzzles, swimming, going out to a dance class or just something- board games, a quiz, a night out …

I have never considered living abroad before but at the moment I am beginning to think about it. There must be a better way to live.

The weather has been horrific and this normally wouldn’t bother me but this year has been something else.

The feeling of low level decay in public services touches every aspect of family life, GPs, hospitals, low level crime everywhere, stagnant low wages, schools, even shitty bloody rivers. I think as a nation we think about how much worse other countries have it when in fact many have outstripped us for quality of life over the last 15 years.

This is a great country to parent in OP. The weather is temperate. The quality of living is high. We have free healthcare. We have health visitors. We have CBeebies. There are great toddler groups that cost very little at many local churches. Government help with childcare costs. We get great maternity leave. We get great annual leave. Our countryside is beautiful.

We don’t have any family help, it’s not that unusual plenty of people manage. Some people involve the grandparents too much IMO and need to grow up. I agree about the weather though it’s depressing or being able to enjoy time outside.

Well, up to you then!
Either have your career, or have a life. You can't have it all.

How do you think the rest of us cope?!

The grass isn't always greener you know!

Surely you knew about the crap weather before you came here?!

The poster said the south-east of England.

It doesn't have to be a specific location.

Look at a map of the UK. The south-east is the bit surrounding London.

That's the bit that usually has the best weather, but isn't that much better than the rest of the UK. You'll still be getting grey, wind and rain. But maybe only for 6 hours a day instead of 8.

OP your main problem is your child is 2.

It gets better when they can talk more and can go entertain themselves.

If you have friends and neighbours who have children, or are trustworthy teens themselves it also gets better when your kid is reliably toilet trained as well as talking, as they can entertain them for anything from an hour or more. However you have to be willing to let your child spend time with them when you don't necessarily need to.

Oh and go to the playgroups and library activities others have suggested as that is a possible way of meeting other local parents and reciprocating.

so many former colonies

Huh?!

Still living in the Empire? God help us.

It's called Climate Change, not going to get any time better soon. (Floods in Dubai for example).

Is it?

I was nearly killed in an NHS hospital when I was regularly given far too much insulin. My mother almost died of sepsis while waiting in A&E for nearly 48 hours and now has permanent kidney damage as they wouldn’t give her antibiotics until she was actually admitted. Personally I’m yet to have a neutral NHS experience, nevermind positive. My sons health visitor tried to remove his hearing aids as she believed they’re dangerous and his hearing impairment was all in my head (and apparently in the head of his consultant). Our experience of healthcare here has been very positive. Despite not being a resident since the age of eight my husband used to regularly travel back here for care as the NHS essentially didn’t treat his condition. Where as here he was given surgery which enabled him to use his fingers, this was denied in the UK, he would have also been denied care services for personal care.

Every has childrens TV, everywhere has cheap or free toddler groups. Here there are a wide range of free groups for children/parents upto about 12.

Government help with childcare costs is poor, we received £0 in help.

Maternity leave is poor, pay is set at a level to make sure people suffee financially if their employer doesn’t offer an enhanced package. Paternity leave is even worse. Annual leave, again, okay, i wouldn’t class it as great. Everywhere had beautiful countryside, I can be in ancient woodland, on a lake, or in the ocean within a twenty minute walk of my home.

Where we are now our bill for fulltime childcare is about £84 a month. Our before and after school club costs £3 per week.

Leave here is 15 months at 80% of your salary (capped at £1,700 per month) most employers also pay enhanced pay above this, you then have the right to reduce your working hours by 25% if you go back to work. If there are two parents you must take at least 30 days at the same time in the first year. For those who don’t work you are still paid for the leave at a rate of about £25 a day, this has no impact on any other benefits you may receive, its even paid to recent immigrants who have been parents for less than 15 months. We got it for three months when we moved here as we it went on the date our daughters adoption ordered was granted, not the day she was placed.

Our minimum annual leave is similar, but its very rare for companies to offer the minimum as post parents book off the entire school holidays and it is accepted that due to parents needing to care for their children business that aren’t vital will work slower or close down all together.

I am born here but sometimes feel exactly the same. It’s also the parenting culture here is more ‘go it alone’ so even those with family (we don’t have any within 3 hours) feel isolated and exhausted. I have siblings parenting in their spouse’s home country and they seem to have volunteer babysitters coming out of their ears plus more ‘adult’ socialising which is family friendly.

That’s working and parenting a toddler. Same all over the world!
Sounds like your DP needs to step up and do more chores, help more, maybe go 4 days too so your child is in 3 days not 4 and you save money and your DP is around more.

You have a lot on your plate and I couldn't have done it! Working full time (even with compressed hours), looking after a pre-schooler and studying. That is a lot.
The weather has been bad.
I would suggest: invest in good wet weather clothes, a decent backpack so you can pack for weather changes. And find out things you can do when wet: libraries, free museums, toddler groups on your free day, and wet walks. Do also take high level vitamin D, and invest in a sunlight lamp for next winter.
I lived in Chicago for a bit and couldn't understand how people could complain about SAD when they had so much more sunlight than the UK all winter (look at a globe it's further south).
Also spend some time thinking about how to make things easier for yourself, easy clean, easy care garden, storage solutions etc.
Also why doesn't the father also do compressed hours? Someone very senior at work (male) did a job share when his kids were little, and he has a lot of respect from everyone (and it hasn't harmed his career).

There is always one helpful soul 🙄

I am guessing you wouldn't have commented had the OP not said she isn't native.

Recently we were going to head out for the day and as we were getting ready it was pouring with rain. We had a brief moment thinking we should rethink our plans for something more indoors and then decided to just go for it - by the time we’d reached our destination it was bright sunshine, albeit windy. British weather is unpredictable and if we were to wait for sunny days we would probably make it out 5 days of the year! embrace and accept the unpredictability of the weather and yourselves with waterproofs etc and enjoy your family days out.

I agree things are shite for getting out and about currently. I have an 8 month old and she's never been the beach or we rarely even get to go in the garden to play.

We go for walks etc but it would be so much more pleasant if it wasn't pissing down or really grey and windy constantly.

I'm finding baby groups and libraries useful but I much prefer outdoors to stuck in.

My Spanish neighbour hated it here, she went back home with her family, after 5 years. She is so much happier now. She hated how cold and wet it gets here, and how expensive things are. She struggled alot without her family to help out too, and the lack of community here.

I will be honest I do question why ppl come here! Obviously j mean that in a nice way. Like ppl from Australia for example? Like I love my country but I hate the weather. But I’ve no choice! I think if I had the choice I’d go somewhere with better weather. But then I love everything else about this country so I’d prob soon be back.

We are in the same position OP, been in the country for over 20 years now, with a 2 year old, I find the school system especially overwhelming here, the more I learn about it, the more I dislike it, the whole catchment areas palaver, and the exorbitant house prices associated with having a good schools literally at your doorstep to get in to even give the chance to your DC for a decent start.. it’s all too much. The weather obviously doesn’t help either, no family around to give us a break, etc. What I would say is it will probably get a bit better as DC grows up, so at least you don’t have to tend to thei physical needs that much, they can get dressed, eat independently etc. No solution but lots of simpathy x

If it’s so crap here then leave.

Spot on. I arrived 22 years ago, and I loved living here, it’s a totally different country now sadly.

BBC weather 5 day forecast is very accurate, and also optimistic. If it says light rain, likely there's very little to none. Been using it for 15 years

Funnily enough I saw someone posting that they had gone to their partners home country (think it was Turkey but not sure) and they were constantly told by relatives that their baby needed a hat even though it was very warm and it became bordering on a row.

I’ve never had any issues like that in the U.K.

I hear you! Whenever we visit other countries I am always struck with how much more family friendly they all are and feel rather jealous and upset.