To hate parenting in this country

[DontknowwhatI]

I have a young DC 2 years old, me and DH work full time but I work longer hours over 4 days and I am studying as well. Don't have any family around and I am finding parenting quite hard especially entertaining DC over preschool holidays and weekends. The weather is so crappy always raining and many days we went out and came back drenched because in within 15 minutes weather went from sunny to hailstorm and rain. It's always grey and lack of sunshine is really getting to me now.
I am an immigrant but have been in this country for over 10 years. I used to love this country but hate how expensive CoL has become and the exorbitant cost of childcare means we want to send DC only 4 days to nursery while I am working. I feel I am just working, parenting and doing household chores on repeat with no end in sight. Having no family around means no help available with childcare etc.
I know many people will say to go back to my country but I am a British citizen now. Don't know what to do.

I hear you. 1 year old and 4 year old. We work lots of hours but struggle with the cost of everything. Eldest child has just been allocated a primary school really hard to get to which I’m losing sleep about. My father, who used to help a lot with the kids, is desperately in need of an operation but is stuck on a waiting list. The weather really is miserable! I just feel like I’m surviving each day tbh.

Weve lived in three different countries with our DDs now. Although the weather is different... honestly it really is Same stuff, different place. Still work, housework, school, extra curricular activities, food shopping, bills....

It definitely feels like this particular winter is dragging on. It went from lovely sunshine, to hail, to sunshine, to hail etc etc today. It does get you down.

But its twenty past eight, and I'm sitting in a car park (waiting for DDs Scouts to end) and its still light. The days getting longer definitely helps.

We have very little family support but do live abroad and can confirm that the better weather makes a massive difference to our lives.

We are always outside, all year. It's just so easy to entertain kids outside.

Appreciate all the kind words. I usually don't feel this way but last few days have been particularly overwhelming. I am sure it will get better.

Do you not think you might be trying to do too much at once?

It has been horrendously wet, but that's not normal (hopefully), and will pass.

The CoL crisis isn't only in the UK, I have friends in Italy & Spain and they say the same. Food, oil, power. They seem to have the same problem.

I've had enough of the cold weather and the rain too. I think everyone has, but it's nearly over.

It was only a matter of time before someone suggested splashing in puddles, hot chocolate and marshmallows…

Completely hear you OP. It is relentless (bad weather and parenting with little family support) and depressing. We took our DC for two sodden days over Easter to give them a change of scene as we rarely go anywhere. Just a visit to a couple of attractions (one was free) and a city up North. Despite careful planning we spent a small fortune once we’d factored in petrol and food. The weather switched from freezing and grey, cold but sunny then monsoon like conditions with wind and pelting rain all within a day.

We have family close by but they never offered to help with DC when they were small. Which is fine except those same relatives moan that we don’t bring them around to visit enough. My dad has said he’d be happy to babysit in a few years. DC are already 8 and 10!

“Puddlesuit wankers”!! Perfect!!

Alexa weather app is shit.

Weather in Britain is not generally good but it really has been an exceptionally wet and dreary winter even for Britain. I keep nearly booking a week away in the sun before remembering I can't afford it.

The only advice I can give is

The east of the country is a lot less rainy than the west but the east is colder and windier. You pays your mo yes and makes your choice.

And in the last couple of weeks we have had the occasional half hour of sunshine - I have put a hat and big coat on and sat out in the garden with a blanket determined to enjoy it!

Roll on summer!

I totally get it. Single mum, one DD. More often than not there's more month than money & when the weather's shit you sometimes do need to throw cash at the problem. I'm pretty good at thinking outside the box and DD is brilliant at playing on her own, but it's hard at times.

I think everyone is feeling a bit dragged down by the weather. It almost feels like Mother Nature is giving us this hope of lovely warm sunshine and then wham I was just playing- have some heavy rain/thunder/hail.

young kids is hard

childrens centres local may have free activities and some will have both indoor and outdoor space so good whatever the weather! There’s also churches and other baby toddler groups.

it won’t be forever. It’s okay to feel meh about everything. I also to wish you had more support.

To be fair, this Winter / Spring has been extraordinarily rainy, and this isn't 'typical' at all.

I feel I am just working, parenting and doing household chores on repeat with no end in sight.

That really is just the stage of life you are at. It isn't specific to any one particular country. If you are working and have young dc, it is tiring. The fact you are choosing to study at the same time is a choice you've made.

YANBU to feel tired and YANBU to feel down after so many months of rain, but I think relating that to 'this country' is unreasonable.

Is it where you live, or is that just an easy to identify symptom of something else?

My husband and I had grown tired of the UK, we’re also both british citizens, but not british by birth. We both had good established careers, we did make the decision to give living in another country a go. We narrowed it down to two countries and then managed to pick one out of the two. We were able to do distance learning, so that when we moved we could remain working in the same field, albeit at a more junior level for a while. If I’m honest I’m surprised at how easy I have found living here and how much I’m enjoying it so far, I thought I would still be very homesick (we only moved in August), but I’m well aware homesickness could be around the corner.

We work fewer hours here, our childcare bill is tiny, the nursery our daughter attends is very good, our son is loving his primary school and his education is more child focused than the UKs, family life/being child friendly is much more normal here. I’m yet to come across a parent at the company I work in who works fulltime. We have a much better standard of living, we also have much healthier finances, despite being lower down in our careers and working fewer hours. Weathers still shit though, its been very windy and rainy here too, but we’re annoying go out in any weather people.

Same. We were in the garden on Saturday in the sun having ice creams while it was nice. My friend up north said it was pouring down there.
And we’ve had the worst amount of rain in a very long time so this weather right now isn’t normal.
My annual Facebook memories keep coming up of us in the paddling pool in prior years!

@WatermelonWaveclub can you suggest some locations?

I think the 10 year mark is quite awkward. I'm a (very long term, almost 30 years) naturalised immigrant too. I remember that stage well when I'd been here already ages but there was still that slight sense of in-between. Then one day you realise that you've spent more time in this country than wherever you were born and that all your family and shared memories with your children have happened here... One day you fly back from a trip abroad and that sense of homecoming hits you... And of course you bitch about the weather and the government and the economy-like any other citizen!
I'm rambling but my point is: I think this is more than just the weather OP, it's possibly that you are feeling your identity truly morph into something that was not what you were born into- and it can be daunting. Also because keeping up ties to a home country is time consuming and very expensive and that in itself can feel like a loss. Anyway I get it. What you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. Hugs.

@KetoAveitO your message made me laugh. You know plenty of us immigrated from safe countries with a much higher standard of living than the UK right?

I accidentally immigrated during uni, met husband, enjoyed traveling, had baby etc and 15 years went by. And yes, then I buggered off back to my North American country with a much better quality of life, where it’s sunny sometimes, I don’t have to rely on the NHS and I can be in the mountains hiking in well under an hour from walking out my front door, which is in a nice, safe, walkable neighborhood in a big diverse city.

Ha ha ha ‘have you tried looking at a different weather forecast’ as a response to this post is one of the most British things I’ve ever seen!

So if there are no upsides to living here, then you need to move on. Life is too short to be somewhere you hate. Personally, I love this country and there are far more many upsides than downsides - but each to their own

OP, time will make this easier, even with a 4 year old, they can get more stuck into games, colour and draw a bit on their own, tolerate a bit more rain and cold and walk a bit further etc. It won't fix the weather but the drudgery is also symptomatic of having a toddler imo.

What are you studying? Maybe going part time at work could help you to feel better or drop your studies for a year to give you a break?

Well, if you don't like it you can go back to your country or origin or somewhere else.

Holy shit! How?

Museums are free here (Scotland) and a McDonald's isn't going to set you back much.

Agree though OP, the weather is dire this year. I also have a 2 year old. I make sure to check the weather and we get out in the dry spells (waterproofs and wellies packed in the rucksack!) and I keep a list of indoor activities on my phone I can refer to if I'm stuck for ideas (ranked from cheapest to most expensive!)

I made friends with other mums in the area so there's a pool of us who have play dates at each other's houses. That helps as the kids entertain each other and the mums can have a coffee and adult conversation. We have no family nearby so it was crucial to make friends with local parents.

Not the west coast of Scotland whatever you do. God save me!

@SunshineOceanAndOranges Yes, this is all so true. Except it's not just at the 10 year mark, I still feel all that 25 years later. I keep going through phases where I'm very happy and settled, and other tjmes I desperately want to go back. Did you ever get over that, or do you find you still swing between those different moods?

OP, are you and your husband both from the same country? If so, there's no reason why going back would be so difficult, unless it's a war zone or otherwise unsafe in some way. Careers, social lives and houses can be had anywhere.
Or if moving back definitely isn't an option, could you go back to your county more often and for longer? Do you have a house there as well? Many companies allow a period of working from abroad. It's now one of the key things I look for in a job, so that we can spend summers in my county. I find I can cope with the bad weather here in winter because winters are also cold/wet in my home country. But when it's 18C and raining in summer, and I know "back home" it's 30C and sunny, it makes me depressed, so I need to spend a good chunk of the summer there in order to feel good.

I agree. We temporarily lived abroad for a couple of years recently and it was so much more family friendly. Everyone was just more relaxed. Here you are judged by everyone for every single second of any outing. Are DC too loud, is someone going to tell me they look too cold/ too warm / need a hat, are they in someone’s way, are they getting within 10 feet of someone who will be offended by their very existence. Etc.