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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For refusing to move in with his previously aggressive dog...

167 replies

sarahmoore2 · 17/04/2024 18:31

long story short - partners dog has 'accidently' attacked and killed a small dog 7 years ago. Apparently it was the smaller dogs fault for being yappy? (Pitbull vs chihuahua)

I have a medium sized dog and I do not feel comfortable putting my dog around the Pitbull. Granted it was a long time ago, however I have recently seen the dog snap at peoples hand for no reason (at big events - maybe over stimulated?) and also snap at another dog over a bone.

Unfortunately it is the size that scares me as they are so powerful, my dog would not stand a chance against him. My partner has said we will keep them separate in the same house forever, but I think that sounds totally stressful, especially as we are at the age were kids are our next step. I just do not want to enter motherhood having to look after a baby and worry about separating 2 dogs. I really love my partner, but he has made it very clear that he is not willing to 'give away his dog' even though his parents have offered to take the dog so I can live comfortably (he will still get to see the dog). I have nobody to take my dog, and have no family nearby therefore I would lose contact with my dog if I rehomed him and do not have the option. We are at the stage now where we either get married and move in together, or break up. I am making multiple sacrifices to be in this relationship already; which is why I feel strongly about him making one. AIBU?

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 17/04/2024 18:34

Sorry but no way.

So many red flags.

I would not be able to relax at all

bettingpencil · 17/04/2024 18:34

why would you want kids around a dangerous dog?

IfIwasrude · 17/04/2024 18:35

I would not want to be with your partner.

Original poster
sarahmoore2 · 17/04/2024 18:36

bettingpencil · 17/04/2024 18:34

why would you want kids around a dangerous dog?

@bettingpencil believe me, i have discussed this. he thinks we would introduce slowly and get him used to the child i said the child will be being a child, and he said we will train the child to leave the dog alone? He thinks the dog will protect the child like its his own? even though, he puts the dog away when children come over ...

OP posts:
Original poster
sarahmoore2 · 17/04/2024 18:36

IfIwasrude · 17/04/2024 18:35

I would not want to be with your partner.

@IfIwasrude thanks - can i ask why / more context please?

OP posts:
SheRasBra · 17/04/2024 18:37

Absolutely not. I wouldn't do it on the basis of my dog potentially being killed let alone raising a child in that environment. If the dog had never harmed another dog it would be worrying enough but this isn't even a theoretical concern - the dog has already killed.

olympicsrock · 17/04/2024 18:37

This is your red line. He needs to choose between you and the dog. If he won’t then he is not the one for you

Geebray · 17/04/2024 18:38

Your dog is not the main problem here. NO WAY should you have a child in the house with an aggressive pitbull.

hollyandivyknickers · 17/04/2024 18:38

@sarahmoore2 tell is more about this —-

. I am making multiple sacrifices to be in this relationship already; which is why I feel strongly about him making one

but to be honest - yes the dog issue is enough to spilt up

TwilightSkies · 17/04/2024 18:38

Yeah he cares about the dog more than he cares about you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Geebray · 17/04/2024 18:39

sarahmoore2 · 17/04/2024 18:36

@bettingpencil believe me, i have discussed this. he thinks we would introduce slowly and get him used to the child i said the child will be being a child, and he said we will train the child to leave the dog alone? He thinks the dog will protect the child like its his own? even though, he puts the dog away when children come over ...

Show quote history

Fuck that. Do you want your child to another tragic story in the news?

Ponderingwindow · 17/04/2024 18:40

You shouldn’t want to have children with a man that isn’t a responsible dog owner. He is supposed to be in control of his animal at all times, yet his dog managed to kill another dog. Even worse, he blames the other dog. Why would you trust his judgement?

MimiSunshine · 17/04/2024 18:42

sarahmoore2 · 17/04/2024 18:36

@bettingpencil believe me, i have discussed this. he thinks we would introduce slowly and get him used to the child i said the child will be being a child, and he said we will train the child to leave the dog alone? He thinks the dog will protect the child like its his own? even though, he puts the dog away when children come over ...

Show quote history

He is an idiot.

Having a baby is a major life event. They take up all of your time, meanwhile the dog will be shut away for hours getting distressed or wound up. You’ll never be able to put a baby down anywhere for fear of either dogs to be honest. But one already showing aggression and two dogs that can’t be together is just madness

ellyoctober · 17/04/2024 18:43

Why would you find someone who owns a banned breed attractive as a life partner?

Break up before there's a child involved.

DrJoanAllenby · 17/04/2024 18:45

I love my dogs but my personal opinion is that once they kill a dog or a cat they get a taste for it and should be euthanised or kept in isolation and never allowed near another dog, cat or children.

I don't mean the prey drive from chasing and killing wild animals such as squirrels, rabbits or rats etc.

You are right to be cautious and should either postpone living and visiting arrangements until the dog dies, seeing as he won't euthanise the dog or split up altogether.

Two of our six dogs are big breeds and I am very careful they are never in a position to kill a Chihuahua or other pet that may be a nuisance'.

The onus is on the owner to protect others from their dog and also to protect their dog from being placed in a situation where it has to attack or kill.

The fact the dog is snapping at peoples hands show a your boyfriend is an irresponsible moron.

OhGoodItsRainingAgain · 17/04/2024 18:45

I would absolutely flat out refuse to live with a large powerful dog with a history of aggression, which you have witnessed snapping at a person. No way. I certainly wouldn't introduce another dog or a baby into that house.

DeedlessIndeed · 17/04/2024 18:46

No way OP :(

If you have any maternal instincts then you'll not bring a child into a household with a preexisting, aggressive, banned dog that has killed before.

I would not even visit a friend or family who was in this situation with my child, let alone raise them in that situation.

Original poster
sarahmoore2 · 17/04/2024 18:46

Ponderingwindow · 17/04/2024 18:40

You shouldn’t want to have children with a man that isn’t a responsible dog owner. He is supposed to be in control of his animal at all times, yet his dog managed to kill another dog. Even worse, he blames the other dog. Why would you trust his judgement?

@Ponderingwindow thanks. I don’t trust his judgement which I think is why I haven’t moved in. It would be different if he admitted his dog is unpredictable and dangerous, I would have more respect and trust. But how can I trust someone ignoring the problem. I would appreciate if the responses would stick to the dog issue and not around a child, as we do not have a child yet and the dog is 9. But I know it’s more important.

OP posts:
Chatonette · 17/04/2024 18:52

sarahmoore2 · 17/04/2024 18:36

@bettingpencil believe me, i have discussed this. he thinks we would introduce slowly and get him used to the child i said the child will be being a child, and he said we will train the child to leave the dog alone? He thinks the dog will protect the child like its his own? even though, he puts the dog away when children come over ...

Show quote history

You know when you see on the news that a baby or toddler has been mauled to death in his/her own home?…..

I would not, under any circumstances, bring a child into this situation (nor would I have my child visit at Granny’s house (if the dog relocates there)).

Sonolanona · 17/04/2024 18:53

Absolutely do not move in with him.
I love dogs, have one myself but a dog that has killed, is known to snap... and you are thinking of having kids? FUCK THAT.
Even easy going gentle dogs can get jealous when a baby comes along, and distressed by the noise etc, and a pitbull with a history is a SERIOUS risk. Absolutely laughable to say the dog will protect a baby. Adding an extra person, and an extra dog, and then a baby to his life is NOT going to make an already unreliable dog VERY likely to snap. Like the tragic news report where these allegedly child loving pit bulls turn.

Keeping dogs apart is not practical, is unsafe and will eventually lead to one of them getting hurt.. most likely yours.

DO NOT MOVE IN.

Break up and find someone with a brain and some level of judgement.

user1471556818 · 17/04/2024 18:56

What about your dog .What's the poor thing done to be only allowed in half house, less time around you , less attention and around a large dog at times that isn't dog friendly .Hope you rehome your one if you are mad enough to move in with this bloke .

cheddercherry · 17/04/2024 18:56

(Future child issue aside which seems like a nightmare waiting to happen)

I wouldn’t because of his reaction. firstly by the sounds of it he’s not willing to categorise his dog as aggressive (it recently snapping and being territorial shows it’s got aggressive traits currently). I’m sorry it’s just a fact, the dog is aggressive. If he can’t work with facts I’d find that pretty impossible. Secondly he’s been offered a compromise where he could have contact and yet feels stronger that you should totally give up your dog to facilitate him. It seems silly that of the two of you it’s you that lose in this situation. If he can’t see that’s not right then no, I don’t think he’s the one.

1987qwerty · 17/04/2024 19:01

The dog would be jealous of the attention being given to child. You'd be mad to move in.

pictoosh · 17/04/2024 19:10

There's nothing you can do. This is the consequence of keeping a dangerous dog. You can't move in and knowingly risk your safety as well as that of your own dog, while he's not willing to relinquish his beloved pet.

Add to that the fact he's got his head up his arse about it. Oh it'll be fine tra la la.

Flat no.

eyeslikebutterflies · 17/04/2024 19:10

I've just looked after my mum's dog for 3 months, and she isn't aggressive except around food and toys. It was really hard keeping the dogs apart at feeding time. It was really hard on MY dog, as she was scared of my mum's - and these are 2 dogs that CAN be together most of the time (just not when being fed / if there are toys out). My dog hated it.

If nothing else this is cruel on your dog.

But it's also a recipe for disaster: introducing another dog into the home of one known to be dog-aggressive. There is no way your partner's dog will tolerate it. There will be times when the pitbull escapes or you forget to shut a door, or whatever.

And then - bam. Your dog will get hurt. Possibly killed. If you intervene, you will get hurt. Possibly killed.

Your partner is an irresponsible dick. I wouldn't even want to be in a relationship with him let alone move in with him.

(And I LOVE dogs!!!)

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