To reply that my child isn’t potty trained?

[whattosayy]

95% reliable for we
8 months after starting still soils pants - we’ve never had a poo on potty or toilet 😭

I have been on Eric contacted hv team etc but so I just need to accept he isn’t trained & may not be before school?

You really can’t get a GP appointment for non urgent issues. It’s a nightmare - I was limping around for months as a result!

There are always Oh Crap enthusiasts on here who act like it’s the only way and the authors word is law and it really isn’t. I know some people like it but I don’t.

@HeadDeskHeadDesk

He isn’t in nappies and ‘shitty nappies’ is an extremely disrespectful thing to say on a forum where many children will be wearing them due to additional needs. Reported.

I also feel going back to pull ups or nappies would be an enormous step back given the wees weren’t solved overnight - it took a lot of persistence. Poos are trickier because they aren’t as regular or predictable.

Toilet seat for the toilet. Packet of chocolate buttons every time he takes a shit on the toilet.

Believe me it works.

Believe me, it doesn’t.

And can we quit it with ‘shit’, please? Given we’re talking about a three year old child … I’m sorry but I really find it a bit inappropriate.

Just to encourage you, this was DD. She pooed in her pants for a full year, though she'd only 'go' at home (never at nursery) which made it slightly easier (until we went away for the weekend...) She was a little older than your DS when she stopped. We tried bribery, even took her to choose and buy the rewards, which we pointed out regularly. But nothing.

Ironically, what worked was she got a mild tummy bug, with diarrhoea, which came out anyway when she wee'd (sorry if tmi). However as she'd pooed on the potty, she got a reward, and though she recovered after a couple of days, it seemed to deal with whatever had been stopping her using the potty before - we had an extra large potty.

So maybe worth trying something to give him really soft poo?

If you can't see a doctor, maybe try for an appointment with the practice nurse?

I'm sorry, OP, I have sympathy, but it feels like you are just knocking back every suggestion that involves you doing something to actively engage with the situation.

If you just wanted a thread of "don't worry, it will happen magically on its own" you should have started one asking for that.

Absolute nonsense, how exactly do you know this is the 'crucial window'? I mean I wish you would have told my son who wouldn't entertain wearing pants or even sit on a potty/toilet despite being bribed with a toy combine I knew he desperately wanted until around 2 and 10 months. Then he decided it was actually all fine and he was fully trained with no accidents by 3.

The idea of a 'crucial window' is just complete bullshit.

He not potty trained...just put back in pullups and try again when ready

My dd told me a week or two before her third birthday she wanted to wear pants...no accidents at all even overnight...wait till child is ready..

Potty training is such a minefield! Always worth checking from a medical perspective to rule out any issues but you might find the problem resolves itself. My eldest was fully potty trained within a few days for both wees and poos...until suddenly 3 months later she wasn't. We never got to the bottom of what caused the shift but she spent the best part of a year pooing in her pants every day at pre school. Only did it when out of the house but still used the toilet consistently everywhere for wees. She started reception just after she turned 4 and we were dreading it. But the teachers explained that at big school they were expected to use the toilet like big kids and she practically stopped overnight.

Like you we'd tried everything - stickers, bribes, timed toilet breaks, helping to clean up the dirty pants etc but in the end she just needed to be motivated to do it for herself.

It's great you have such a precocious child, I myself was the same and also gave up the dummy myself. OTOH if I waited for my children to decide they no longer wanted to wear a nappy, id be waiting until they want to date !

No it's not. All 3 of mine would not do it until they were 33 months and 2 got it in 2 days and one in 5 weeks. All trained before pre school. 20 months is really young. Those trained then tended to regress and always had accidents in my opinion.

I know a few boys who still had issues with poo's at this age. Just carry on and he'll get there soon.

I haven't read every single comment (though think I have read all of yours OP) and would just repeat what a few others have said - firstly, it sounds like you're doing a great job, it is incredibly draining so well done for persevering! Also I hear you that it's hard to get a GP appt but I would definitely try - my DD has always had an excellent diet but had similar issues and it turned out that she had an impaction caused by some previous withholding. (She'd been pooing at home but turns out not at nursery). We ended up under the consultant and she was on laxatives for years to get everything regulated but is now in Y2 and hasn't had an accident for over a year! I totally appreciate every child is different and he may just be stubborn/not ready/something else going on but wanted to share my experience cos I wish I had gone to the dr much earlier than I did!

It’s not their problem you waited too late to potty train and missed the crucial learning window.

This isn't a thing.

Some children take longer, and it's not at all unusual to still be daytime potty training at aged 3.5 years. Some parents see potty training as a competitive sport, ignore them. I do think you should talk to your HV if not GP as well, though, to rule out any issues, as it would be more unusual for your child not to be potty trained by 4 and you don't want anything untoward affecting your likely success during the summer months. Summer is the easiest time to do it. Even though it's unlikely, it'd be awful if there was an issue (physical or maybe even psychological) and you hadn't realised.

I haven't read the whole thread but I worked in a pre school for many years.
Lots of not quite 4 year olds are not fully potty trained and pre schools are fully prepared to deal with this.
Mine didn't have potties but we did have special child sized toilets and changed nappies, pull ups, soiled pants as necessary.
Pre school is different to school and will have more staff who are trained to deal with these issues.

I've been potty training since just before age 2, DD is nearly 4 and has only now started doing some poos on the toilet (but not all). Pees were fine but she refused to even be near the potty or toilet when pooing - she'd go and hide and would become hysterical if you tried to get her to the potty/toilet. I started in the right "window", followed all the advice, have tried absolutely everything, as I'm sure you have too. Don't blame yourself.

Contact your GP and don't let them fob you off, and also your health visitor. I've had to chase them a lot but am finally getting help. The health visiting team have a pre-school worker who comes to us and tracks progress. She's given us lots of good advice and a programme to follow.

Also, constipation doesn't always manifest as not being able to go for a long time. See the ERIC website, there's lots of good information there.

And can we quit it with ‘shit’, please? Given we’re talking about a three year old child … I’m sorry but I really find it a bit inappropriate.

Don't be sorry. You are right. This is no way to speak of a 3 year old child with some toileting difficulties. Nor older children and adults with bowel-related difficulties of whatever cause. Some people don't know when to be vulgar and when not.

Don't despair. My son was weeing fine on the potty but wouldn't poo. He had to have a nappy on. We kept persevering and he got there in the end....with a round of applause!!.
Then there was no stopping him. It probably helped that he was an October baby so He was one of the older ones in the school intake, so had more time to get it right x

It will be OK. Don't lie. Don't listen to to the idiots who say you should just fix it. Don't push him, he will withhold more. He's little and accidents happen.

He isn't unusually late to be trained and September is a long way off. Are the preschool strict about this ? If it is a state school they can't discriminate against children for this reason. I think there is a good chance that he will get the knack by September and certainly by the following September so just press on with rewards etc. The only benefit to GP would be, as per pps , if he is constipated. He should regularly pass large soft but formed stools . If there is any hint that he has to strain , that he is smearing his pants or if he is passing rabbit droppings then yes see the doctor.Keep i. Touch with the HV.

Ps. The poo goes to poolsnd video might be helpful.
I had to sit on the toilet floor many times with mine rewarding poos. Yes it sucks and no I didn't miss any bloody window. A load of posts here I would report personally. Some posters think they know everything on the basis of one or two children.

Op. You will find much better support on Facebook group movicol mummies and Eric

@whattosayy you need to keep him home for a few days, absolutely no tv and keep him totally naked from the waist down. When hes on tip toes holding it in you take him to the toilet, rinse and repeat.

OP, you are not alone! My DD is 3.5 and has been out of nappies since Sept. She got the hang of wees pretty quickly but to date still poos herself most days. She starts
school in Sept so we are under pressure to sort it.

Tried all the same things you have with no joy as she didn’t know she needed to go. She was pooing little bits multiple times most days so it never occurred to us she could be constipated and it was actually a poster on a similar thread that suggested it.

Turns out she she was massively blocked up and we’re 5 weeks into treatment (Laxido) and she is starting to recognise when she needs to go. Now she is mostly only soiling at nursery as they obviously don’t watch her as closely as we do.

If they are constipated their colon expands and they don’t get the signal they need to go.

He is still very young I think you are panicking and a doctor would just tell you to wait before they do anything.
And although six months may seem a short time a three year old can develop a lot in that time.