To ask if you have anxiety, do you act like a dick to people when anxious?!

[Loikiu]

Okay this sounds extremely insensitive like I have no empathy, however, please hear me out.

Anxiety is a natural human emotion and I get that when someone is anxious you can snap at people, be abrupt and look like you're in a bad mood. I've done it myself.

BUT
Where do you cross the line from me being anxious and irritable with people to demanding everything revolves around me and blowing up if someone does something that makes me anxious?

I have a family member who has anxiety and they are extremely demanding. The anxious stuff is always something not to be anxious about. They are rude, angry and expect everyone to do whatever they need to reduce their anxiety even if it comes at a cost to themselves. I just feel it's given them a licence to act like a dick with people. There's never any apologies after. If anything they think people should know better and know exactly what they should and shouldn't do.

It's utterly exhausting and honestly I feel like I'm tiptoeing around them. I actually limit how much I see them as more interactions, usually more chance of them getting mad at me for something I didn't even know would get them mad

I'm genuinely like a cartoon character with my eyes darting from side to side. In the most non threatening of situations. It's really destroyed me from what I was, I know it's not irretrievable but when I look at what I could do 10 years ago compared to now, it's pretty depressing. I do need to put some hard yards in myself though. If I don't try, I'll never succeed.

Yes they say avoidance reinforces anxiety but the anxiety is irrational so exposure doesn’t diminish it.

I guess if I had a phobia of rats or something I could learn that being in the same room as a (hopefully caged) rat won’t kill me but I have social phobia and there’s no way of proving to yourself that other people aren’t judging you (particularly when they ARE judging you lol). Really the only thing that worker for me was medication.

That said I did once start to have OCD like thoughts, like I couldn’t leave the flat in case I left the gas on (having checked it was off several times). I had to grit my teeth and ignore that because I had to go work and eventually it did stop.

I don't disagree with the exposure bit, after all, otherwise one becomes a hermit (case in point here!) But as you say it's so irrational and unpredictable that it sort of undermines you before you get out the front door. It's all about the small steps I suppose.

Yes, but it was a specific question which you're skirting round: do you think you (or anyone) should put up with abuse if it's unintentional?

But there's still an irrational thought process that could be challenged even if they ARE judging you - the irrational thought process is that this is a real danger to you, matters in some profound way. My anxiety was on focused on making mistakes, mostly at work - I can't learn not to make mistakes ever but I have, with therapy (very much supported by medication), learned that they don't define me as a person. And in that regard every time I made a mistake and the world didn't collapse around me that 'exposure' was helpful.

I agree with most of what you say here, but there are times when you do actually lose control

Yes, I am aware, @DanielGault Not sure why you're trying to educate me on this. It's as if you think you're the only person with any experience of anxiety or trauma. You're disagreeing with me and then making the same point I did. It's harder for people with anxiety to maintain control.

My point is about more than the person suffering from anxiety, and applies to those in OP's position, too: maintain your own boundaries.

There's no need to be bitchy. I was relating my own experience. Christ almighty 🙄

@DanielGault

What an unpleasant comment. There's really no need. You disagreed with my point, then made it again. I pointed it out.

I'm sorry you received it so badly that you needed to throw out an insult. Says a lot.

Omg, your post is literally how I feel every single bit of it. Their selfishness, self centredness and lack of empathy for anyone is phenomenal. And it's always, I have anxiety, you should know better, you should be more understanding. Noone understands what they go through.

Just today I told my dh when talking about this, that I've ran out of empathy when years ago I had a shit tonne of it and I used to stay quiet and pander to what they wanted to "keep the peace".

Totally agree. Problem is the word “worry” has been replaced by anxiety. Worrying about exams, boyfriends, looks, etc has now become all defined as anxiety and it with the rise in self diagnosis of everything means everyone you meet nowadays tells you they have anxiety.

It worries me that people with genuine anxiety are subsequently not taken seriously because of the overuse of the word.

Whenever my anxiety starts to get the better of me, I withdraw, become very small - emotionally and mentally, even if not physically. The last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself by kicking off.

OP there is no excuse not to apologise.
Anyone who is in an anxious state, yes even panic attacks, are aware of what they are doing - in fact this acute awareness can make the panic even worse. I have been snappy and paranoid when under extreme pressure when anxious but if I have been, as I said previously, my anxiety will cause me to over think that exchange and I would apologise. If this is a repeated behaviour and they have never apologised for being rude, derogatory or spiteful you need to pull them up. Being snappy in extreme circs is one thing, personally attacking another then blaming a panic attack or anxiety rather than apologising is another.

The problem I have is that my anxiety makes me paranoid - that people are talking about me, laughing at me, staring at me ect ALL THE TIME and this just makes me angry and quite inclined to kick off though thankfully I never did.
God people would have though I was mad if I came out with all the nonsense my brain was feeding me and part of me sort of knew it.
Things have been a lot better since I started the meds though.

No I don’t act like that but I do get a bit fed up with people constantly talking about their illnesses and the illnesses of everyone they’ve ever known. It’s a huge trigger for me.

go Low contact… I’ve had to distance myself from people at times for my own MH! Don’t let this person make you ill