To think they should have apologised for wrongly accusing me of shoplifting?

[Tyzbiscuit]

I was in a well known supermarket today with DP picking up a few things for dinner. I scanned my shopping at the self checkout, paid and printed the receipt (all while being watched by a member of staff standing right behind me.)

There wasn’t much room and we had 2 bags so DP packed one on the paid for side and I packed another nearer the scanner. As I put one of the items in the bag, it must have scanned on the scanner again without me noticing.

As we were walking away, the member of staff started shouting ‘excuse me!’. I stopped and turned to see him staring at me accusingly and pointing at the self service screen. I asked what he meant and he said I had to pay for the item and shouted the price loudly across to me. Everyone was staring at this point, it was embarrassing. I explained I’d paid and didn’t owe anything and showed my receipt with the item on it. He still just stood there until his supervisor (I assume) came over and told him it was fine and that ‘this happens sometimes’. There was no apology from either of them. As I turned around I heard the supervisor telling the staff member ‘well done for checking’ and it honestly gave me the rage. Why is it ‘well done’ to wrongly someone of shoplifting and then not apologise?

It’s left me with a horrible feeling and I feel judged as someone who would go around stealing. I think that bar codes should be deactivated once the item has been paid for to avoid this sort of thing happening. I feel like raising this with the supermarket because I am still angry.

I’ve yet to use a self checkout where you can continue scanning if you’ve not put the previous item on the packing side. By putting the shopping into bags on 2 sides you could very easily have been shoplifting.

Complete non issue. He was just doing his job.

Yabu. Sorry about your anxiety problems though. I'd put your reaction down to anxiety and try to move on from it.

I agree, @CRE2024 , the staff member was technically doing their job, but they need some additional training on customer service.

Thanks to those that have been kind. I agree that it should have been dealt with better. I wouldn’t have had any issue if he’d said what @CRE2024 suggested. I was just shocked and a bit panicked because I felt like I was being accused.

I think I’ll avoid this shop in future and avoid using self service. It’s not worth the hassle if something goes wrong. It’s a shame we live in a society where everyone is suspicious of others.

You scanned it so it was your fault! Why would they apologise?!

YANBU but the fact so many people excuse this poor behaviour explains the woeful service we have in the UK. Treat people with dignity kindness and respect - staff and customers alike.

"I think that bar codes should be deactivated once the item has been paid for to avoid this sort of thing happening" isn't how bar codes work in supermarkets. Some shops such as Decathlon have smart chips though.

Just let it go...

If you look at shoplifting figures you will see that they rose by 32% in the 12 months to September 2023.
That is a colossal increase. There are organised criminal gangs who are involved. It’s a massive problem for retailers.

OP can't know he was constantly watching or saw what happened as he was behind her and she was scanning and packing.
He presumably had multiple service points to monitor and also had an obscured view.

Omg this happened to me in M&S and the staff never ran up the street shouting at me, I was like ... What??!??!

This, pretty much. You really need to work on your anxiety if it makes you take a minor thing like this so much to heart.

*member

The thing is, I’ve seen shoplifters in action and it’s so fast. One quickly put items in a bag and ran. Another passed a load of clothes around the security scanner to someone else waiting on the other side of the door. Most of these organised criminal gangs are not faffing about trying to pack things at the self checkout…

Shop lifting happens in multiple ways. I’ve seen people casually and slowly scan their items and then pretend to use their contactless and stroll out.

That’s the visible side of shoplifting but the majority is probably people trying to sneak the odd thing in while paying for the rest. It’s a shame as everyone is viewed with suspicion.

I got stopped coming out of Victoria secret the other week as the alarm went off. I stopped and waited and the sales assistant went through my bag in front of everyone. And then decided it was the period pants as apparently they often don’t deactivate properly. I think people seeing this would hopefully assume it’s an errant tag rather than that I’m a thief. It didn’t bother me.

I doubt he was watching you the whole time, and it seems unlikely that you were watching HIM the whole time to be able to say either way.

I'd put this down to a young, probably inexperienced person quite stressed at the thought of having to challenge two people, he's probably used to copping all sorts of abuse for it. Maybe he has anxiety too. So his delivery wasn't perfect, I'm sure he was also embarrassed and has since reflected on that. You want empathy for your feelings, try showing some?

At the end of the day it was your mistake, if anything you were the one who should have apologised.

@Aswellisnotoneword He was an old man and not a young, inexperienced person. I don’t have a great amount of empathy for him, given the way he treated me. Perhaps would have if I’d been spoken to with respect and not like a thief.

So old and maybe inexperienced then! And stressed and nervous about this particular part of the job because it's shit and everyone gets their back up about it. All for minimum wage, I'm sure if he was a flawless professional communicator in all situations he might have found himself a more pleasant job.

I'm not making excuses though. I'm trying to point out that you made a mistake and are happy to brush over that while hyper focussing on his.

I acknowledge I made a mistake. I just didn’t realise at the time and was confused. That’s why I think I’ll avoid using self service in future. I didn’t even realise that could happen.

Come on this was a non event.

I’ve seen customers stopped in shops when a staff member wants to query something, I’ve had all my bags checked numerous times on the shop and scan tills in Tescos, I’ve been stopped at the door because a missed security tag set off the alarm, with a loud EXCUSE ME

It’s all very common place. Honestly all the other customers were not looking over and thinking you were shop lifting!

This is definitely not worth getting so angry and upset over. The supervisor sounded very reasonable and assured you it was fine.

An apology would have been appropriate but I don't think you can complain about not getting one.

The manager was reassuring the employee. They don't know about your anxiety. You don't know about their issues and possible anxieties.

A difficulty I'm having at work at the moment is that almost any imperfect interaction leads to accusations of triggering someone's anxiety or trauma. This comes out of the blue in many cases. It feels as if there is no room for anyone to be less than perfect, and stress levels go up all around.

I don't have a solution to this because I absolutely believe you about the anxiety and distress you experienced. But I think we all need to go a bit easier on each other or we will drive ourselves mad. Both "sides" could have expected an apology in this case. Would it actually make you feel any better to have one at this point, or could you chalk this up to (imperfect) experience?

Because they were standing right by the OP watching her - and saw her NOT walk away to pick up a last minute item.

If the scanners were designed better so you could pack as you go, rather than having to use the scales, things would be much easier.

Mistakes happen all the time op. There’s really no need to avoid those tills or feel too ashamed to return to the shop.

I didn’t scan an item and when it was picked up I was taken to a separate till and all my bags emptied and re checked.
It was a nuisance to be treated with suspicion and made me late for work but it’s just policy the cashiers have to follow.

Its a really shit job so maybe assume the guy was having a bad day, was a bit stressed or whatever and didn’t handle it too well?

Sorry you’re having a bad time with your anxiety though- be kind to yourself and try not to dwell on this