To not use credit card DP has issued in my name

[Passthegin99]

Not sure if AIBU because I get defensive around money so please can I get your view. DP and I have mostly separate finances (we've been together 10 years and have 1 DC). We have a shared joint account that we both put money into for mortgage and living costs, school clubs etc. Everything else is separate.

I have the following bank accounts/debit cards in regular use:
Current account
Joint account
Additional current account for transactions abroad ie on holiday
Business account (I am self-employed)
Plus I have a credit card he made me take out years ago that I never use because I hate credit cards and would rather not use them. He knows this.

So this morning he presents me with an Amex card that he's taken out with my name on it which he wants me to use for all spending from now on so we can get free flights or something. His idea is I would just use it to buy things and then transfer him the money. My immediate reaction was hell no! In the end I agreed to use it for stuff that I would normally spend from the joint account but even that makes me feel uncomfortable. He'll be responsible for taking the money out of the joint account to pay off the credit card so I won't have to do anything but it feels like a loss of control to me. He thinks I'm being ridiculous.

For reference he is good with money and trustworthy so it's not that I suspect he's up to no good - it just feels like an overstep to me.

Would I be unreasonable to refuse to use this or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Is the credit card account in his name and this card is as an additional card holder or has he opened the credit account in your name?

This is pretty much how my partner and I manage our finances and it works for us. But it sounds like you’re not comfortable in general with the concept of credit cards so may be worth having a conversation about that. I have friends who feel similar but I’ve always used them for every day transactions for the cash back and payed them off in full. Both ways are valid but it sounds like you’re one and your partner is the other.

The credit card is in his name - I just have an additional card

It’s totally up to you whether you want to use the card or not, and I don’t think he should have taken it out without discussing with you first, but the Amex cards do come with lots of benefits. You get things like cashback, air miles and reward points with them which can be used for shopping/travel so it does make sense if you’re going to be spending the money anyway to spend it on the Amex then just pay it off every month so that you’re getting SOMETHING for your spending.

Ah edit because I spotted you’ve now said its actually in his name, I don’t see an issue really then. He just wants to earn “something” for the money already being spent anyway

Well it's up to you obviously, but I agree with him, spending on a credit card when you are sensible and pay in full means you have S75 protection and loyalty perks. In one year we've earned enough Avios for long haul business class flights (need to pay taxes). I like to make my money work hard.

Well if you're happy to throw away free money then fine. I make nearly a grand a year in interest and cashback from credit cards.

Your aversion to just using a different card while he does the behind the scenes admin does seem rather extreme.

Plus I keep the money in savings until the bill is due so that earns me a little too, not a huge amount but a couple Starbucks a month!

It really does depend on your individual circumstances.
I dont like Credit cards after I got into a lot of trouble with them some years ago so dont have one BUT DH does. He uses it to get cashback and then its paid off in full each month. He has offered to get me an additional card (which I think thats what your DH has done) but I have said no. If we are booking holidays or flights I get him to pay using that card.

If it's in his name then not so bad. But he shouldn't be trying to make you use it just because he wants some bonus points scheme.

This.

Do you have a history of you or someone close to you having issues with debt? This is a really normal thing to do so this reaction feels super extreme.

Yeah I don't mind him having one obviously! I just felt really uncomfortable that he was asking me to put all my purchase through this one, especially given most of my purchasing is for my business and has nothing to do with him and my personal spending is minimal as I have very little spare cash (whereas he has tonnes). I guess if he'd lead with: "Can we try this with the joint account?" it wouldn't have got my hackles up so much.

How do you make money on interest from a credit card?

Yes, my father had credit card debt during my childhood

Oh wow I just buy everything on my partners Amex and transfer him to money as we get lots of avios from doing so. Hence pays for costs of flights we take. No idea why you wouldn't tbh. Where's the risk to yourself?

Oh and we don't live together and my ex husband was bankrupt

Does this mean that his debts are now your debts? (Because you are now linked to his cards?) I would get my name removed assp.

I don't see the issue unless he has a tendency to question your spending when it's none of his business. In that case, using his AMEX would give him visibility of your purchases and could be used against you if he has tendencies towards controlling behaviour. Otherwise it's no big deal but if you really don't want to then he should accept that in good grace and leave it be.

We use credit cards for day to day spending and I know quite a few people who use Amex purely for the Avios points. It can definitely be worth it.

If he is trustworthy and good with money then I wouldn’t see a problem. Although obviously it might have been better if he discussed it with you rather than just presenting you with the card.

Ah edit because I spotted you’ve now said its actually in his name, I don’t see an issue really then. If it's an additional card to his own, while he may be liable for the debt, he'll also be able to see all her spending. It's not at all in keeping with the idea of separate accounts. No wonder OP isn't comfortable with this.

The way he went around it is unacceptable too. When he had this idea, he should have suggested it to OP and then they could have discussed it. Instead he presented her with the card and expected her to change her way of paying to the card. All on his wishes and expectations.

That's not applicable for an additional card holder. It is not the same as a joint account so no financial linking.

Don't know actually - don't think so? TBF he's unlikely to get into debt - he's got far more money than me and he's careful with it.

my personal spending is minimal as I have very little spare cash (whereas he has tonnes)

That doesn't seem fair.

Because you pay for everything a month later so it sits in your savings earning for you.

Ha well that's a different issue...

Oh, so it's a lot bigger than this.

You could get a card to use for your business spending and get cashback on that. I don't know why you wouldn't.

However, when you have a child together, you absolutely shouldn't be in a position where you have no money to spend on you while he has loads.

Let me guess, you're SE 'to fit round DC, childcare, domestic stuff' while he's free to work when he wants? Plus what does your pension look like compared to his?

That's what you need to tackle with him, not the credit card issue.

Nope. In fact OP could run up a load of debt is his name on the additional card and it would be all his debt, nothing to do with her.