To not use credit card DP has issued in my name

[Passthegin99]

Not sure if AIBU because I get defensive around money so please can I get your view. DP and I have mostly separate finances (we've been together 10 years and have 1 DC). We have a shared joint account that we both put money into for mortgage and living costs, school clubs etc. Everything else is separate.

I have the following bank accounts/debit cards in regular use:
Current account
Joint account
Additional current account for transactions abroad ie on holiday
Business account (I am self-employed)
Plus I have a credit card he made me take out years ago that I never use because I hate credit cards and would rather not use them. He knows this.

So this morning he presents me with an Amex card that he's taken out with my name on it which he wants me to use for all spending from now on so we can get free flights or something. His idea is I would just use it to buy things and then transfer him the money. My immediate reaction was hell no! In the end I agreed to use it for stuff that I would normally spend from the joint account but even that makes me feel uncomfortable. He'll be responsible for taking the money out of the joint account to pay off the credit card so I won't have to do anything but it feels like a loss of control to me. He thinks I'm being ridiculous.

For reference he is good with money and trustworthy so it's not that I suspect he's up to no good - it just feels like an overstep to me.

Would I be unreasonable to refuse to use this or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

No he doesn't question my spending but then he would never have cause too as I'm scrupulous about spending fairly eg if I accidentally use the joint account for something personal (google wallet on phone might pick up wrong card for example) then I transfer that money straight over from my personal account.

What is normal appears to be slamming everything on credit cards and feeling ok because you always pay the balance - but you are also almost certainly spending more than you would if you used debit cards or cash.

There is also the moral argument that the majority of credit card profits that enable the providers to give cashback etc come not from the retailer fees but from the interest that poorer people end up paying when they get into a mess with credit cards.

I have one cc which I use on holiday if I can’t use my debit card without transaction fees, but if I can find a debit card that does that then I’ll switch to that.

I’ve weaned myself off normal home spending using credit and am spending less. If my DH told me he expected me to use one he would get an earful.

I’ve learned a lot from Dave Ramsey. Nobody builds wealth collecting air miles or cash back. You do it by budgeting carefully and not being tempted to buy what you don’t really need. Since I’ve sorted myself out I’ve saved loads more than I used to get on cc cash back schemes.

Plus you also borrow it at 0% and put it in a savings account paying 5%. £12k like that is £600 interest earned per year.

Plus about £300 pa in cashback just due to paying for groceries, fuel, work expenses and other normal spending like clothes, holidays, meals out etc on credit card that's then paid off in full every month.

as I have very little spare cash (whereas he has tonnes)

Why is this?

It’s a bit irrelevant though because OP then says about using it for stuff that would normally be spent from the joint account anyway, so if he was that bothered about seeing her spending he could just as easily view it in the joint account. The only difference with the Amex is that they’ll actually be getting something back for the money spent?

It doesn’t cost any extra, the card & resulting debt is in his name, he’s going to be the one doing the admin for paying it off each money, and they’ll get benefits back from using it. Under those circs I don’t really see the issue with simply paying with a different card

Lol yes to some extent. I'm actually self-employed because I want to be but it does mean a lot of the domestic stuff falls to me, yes. And because he earns so much more the importance of my job pales in comparison even though I'm busting my balls to get my business to succeed. And yes my pension is weency compared to his. I just figure if I work really hard eventually I'll make more money and things will even out.

What is normal appears to be slamming everything on credit cards and feeling ok because you always pay the balance - but you are also almost certainly spending more than you would if you used debit cards or cash

Speak for yourself. To me, the decision to buy something is completely separate to how I pay for it. Because I'm still paying for it whether the money comes out of my account today, or in a month's time when the credit card bill is paid.

My husband and I have always done this and love the free flights! I think it’s much safer to use credit rather than debit cards to pay for things (scammers can’t get your actually money with a CC) and doesn’t get you into trouble if you pay the balance off every month.

I mean, it's possible to budget everything carefully AND use credit cards. I just use mine like a debit card, I don't spend more on it.

@MILTOBE "How do you make money on interest from a credit card?" well we make money on ours on cashback on the Amex which pays for our Costco membership as we also get 2% cashback for being an executive member of Costco too.

We also have a Tesco credit card and literally anything we have cash for we use the credit card instead. It is paid in full automatically from our joint account. But if we buy kitchen appliances, a new car, anything big we put that on the credit card and then move money from our savings to the joint account to cover the payment. This includes car insurance, house insurance, things that are automatically taken via credit card. Plus the usual monthly food shops, clothing, petrol etc.

The Tesco Clubcard vouchers have paid for hotels in Florida, places like Legoland, Disney + subscription, RAC membership, we have literally had thousands from them, for free over the last 20 years we have had it.

It is money for nothing if you are good with money and are not tempted to just pay the minimum amount.

No its the opposite. If the OP goes on a wild spending spree & refuses to pay then her husband as account holder is liable

This is how I think! And tbf I'm good with money. No debt. Things work for me the way they are.

Do you both contribute to the joint account in proportion to your incomes?

What is normal appears to be slamming everything on credit cards and feeling ok because you always pay the balance - but you are also almost certainly spending more than you would if you used debit cards or cash.

This is a very juvenile point of view, I budget extremely carefully, I have a spreadsheet and account for every penny spent. Credit cards make my money work harder, they don't make me overspend.

Nope, we spend exactly the same, just channel it through a cashback card. Now my current account is paying 1% cashback, I'm using that. It all adds up.

However, it's a jointly-agreed thing & we have shared money.

I can see the Op's point.

@Maray1967 "What is normal appears to be slamming everything on credit cards and feeling ok because you always pay the balance - but you are also almost certainly spending more than you would if you used debit cards or cash."

this is nonsense. I'm buying what I'm buying. Putting a travelcard and supermarket shopping on a credit card gets me cashback. I don't spend what I haven't got.

@Passthegin99 OP the problem is he didn't ask you.

As a couple I’d be expecting us to ensure that both of our pensions were well funded, our credit score was good etc.

if he is really affluent with his income I’d be hoping he’d help support and top up his wife’s from their household income. I would if it was my partner. She’s stayed at home and enables him to work full time and taken on the home and children duties yet is also in a more vulnerable financial position as they aren’t working as a team financially but as two separate folks sharing a home and a few costs.

@Maray1967 I am not building wealth using airmiles or cash back but it is part of a larger get what you can for free picture. The same as loyalty cards, they get your marketing information they give you discounts, Boots, Sainsburys' Nectar etc. I also do Google opinions which pays me to upload a photo of my receipts. That has paid for audiobooks and films to rent.

You can bet your arse that I use Santander bank account that I pay a monthly fee on but make more money on their 1,2,3 cashback scheme. Dh and I have always been on the same page money wise and we are savers then spenders. We have no credit card debt in fact no debt whatsoever, we own our cars outright bought cash from savings.

I do like Dave Ramsey and I agree with pretty much everything he says except on credit cards.

No, it means she could hammer this card though and he is liable (not suggesting you would OP)

What is normal appears to be slamming everything on credit cards and feeling ok because you always pay the balance - but you are also almost certainly spending more than you would if you used debit cards or cash.

Some do but a lot of us dont, we only use ours for things we would spend on anyway such as holidays etc and as we pay it in full we cant spend more than we can afford

How do you make money on interest from a credit card?" well we make money on ours on cashback on the Amex which pays for our Costco membership as we also get 2% cashback for being an executive member of Costco too.

Our local Costco (UK) stopped excepting Amex some years ago.
Other shops don't except it either.

I'm not against credit cards, use one myself and pay in full every month but for the above reasons personally Amex wouldn't be for me.

No
We , i had a partner card for one of out credit cards. We remortgaged and used part to pay of the cc debt and I had to pay a seperate lawyer to give me legal advice because i was taking on his debt according to the mortgage company. The case law to do with undue influence (Etridge) but they said despite the fact most of the spending on the card was probably mine, it was not my debt.

Please don't put the business spending on his personal credit card.

Putting the joint account stuff on it is fine. The business stuff is a bit weird.

DH has a credit card. I have a card in my name. We spend everything (except DHs work expenses - they go on a seperate credit card so he can track them) on the credit card, and get cash back on everything. It only works if you pay the card off in full every month tho. Otherwise it costs more than you gain.

@Crumpleton Amex is much more widely available than it used to be, we have a Barclays BA card as our back up for when Amex isn't accepted but we very rarely have to use it, especially when you can often get around the issue using PayPal and Amex together.

Chill

he wants avios and free flights

its fine