To not use credit card DP has issued in my name

[Passthegin99]

Not sure if AIBU because I get defensive around money so please can I get your view. DP and I have mostly separate finances (we've been together 10 years and have 1 DC). We have a shared joint account that we both put money into for mortgage and living costs, school clubs etc. Everything else is separate.

I have the following bank accounts/debit cards in regular use:
Current account
Joint account
Additional current account for transactions abroad ie on holiday
Business account (I am self-employed)
Plus I have a credit card he made me take out years ago that I never use because I hate credit cards and would rather not use them. He knows this.

So this morning he presents me with an Amex card that he's taken out with my name on it which he wants me to use for all spending from now on so we can get free flights or something. His idea is I would just use it to buy things and then transfer him the money. My immediate reaction was hell no! In the end I agreed to use it for stuff that I would normally spend from the joint account but even that makes me feel uncomfortable. He'll be responsible for taking the money out of the joint account to pay off the credit card so I won't have to do anything but it feels like a loss of control to me. He thinks I'm being ridiculous.

For reference he is good with money and trustworthy so it's not that I suspect he's up to no good - it just feels like an overstep to me.

Would I be unreasonable to refuse to use this or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Amex are offering 2,000 bonus Avios if you add a cardholder before 5 May. I've told DH I'd like to add him. He knows we use the Amex card for most spending and it's paid in full every month.

She's not stopping him from using the credit card for big ticket items. She just doesn't want to use it for her business transactions, which makes perfect sense.

It's also the sneaky way he got it for her without any discussion. That's not normal.

It's also the sneaky way he got it for her without any discussion. That's not normal.

I don't think it's sneaky to get the second card when applying for a credit card. During the online application it comes up as an option, and doesn't create a debt for the second person, so most people would just tick the box without giving it much thought. Worst case scenario you'd just not use it or cut it up.

I think I'd have a problem with this too OP, though it's a bit hard to put my finger on exactly why. I think it comes down to a basic disregard for the fact that you are an independent adult who is able to make her own financial choices.

I think the thing I’m struggling with here is the ‘he made me get a credit card even though he knows I hate them’.

how did he ‘make’ you do that? It’s up to you to apply for a credit card so if you don’t want one, don’t have one, even now you could have got rid of that old one and closed the account, so why haven’t you?

the way you are talking about it is odd, like with this, you don’t have to use it, but I don’t see the problem using it to buy joint account stuff? It makes no odds what the method of payment is as it isn’t going to change what you buy. But you could choose not to use it surely?

It is without asking her!

She cant
Its in his name and shes an additional card holder. She cant close an account in his name, they wont even speak to her about the account at all.

But he hasnt commited OP to anything. He just got a second when applied for his own. He is solely liable for the card and any spending on it.

I was referring to her op where she describes having a credit card herself because her DH 'made her' get one years ago, it sounds so odd like she had no choice about it.

She says she hates credit cards so much and would never use one then why keep the old card open in her name? She lists it as still current.

Same with the amex card, she could just stick it in the cupboard and not use it if she hates them so much? No need to get so wound up by it.