AIBU Worrying About Visitors From Abroad Spreading Germs To A Newborn

Not19foreverpullyourselftogether · 15/04/2024 14:09

I say this kindly, but you sound overly anxious. She’s booked to visit almost 3 weeks after your due date, and anybody in yoir life could catch an illness at any time, it’s no more likely on a plane.

WhiteLeopard · 15/04/2024 14:09

Sorry but I think YABU here. Are you also going to ban other visitors from going to crowded venues etc? It's so easy to pick up a bug somewhere, planes are not especially high risk.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2024 14:09

The "home" visitors are just as likely to pick something up at the supermarket or on the bus/train.

Devilsmommy · 15/04/2024 14:10

No it isn't. When you've just had a baby, it's up to you how soon you want people to come and see them.

justanotherrandomperson · 15/04/2024 14:13

As someone who does seem to get colds when I fly (but never anything worse than a cold), I understand your concern, but as others are saying, anyone who visits your baby could potentially be contagious with something. An unfortunate fact of life. I think it would depend on how long they'll be visiting. Assuming it's not a long visit, it seems rude to make them waste two days of their stay without being able to see the baby.

Yorkshirelass21 · 15/04/2024 14:14

Have you asked your GP about that? From what I remember, the newborns have some immunity from their mother's milk but it lasts a short period of time. Plus viruses can live for several days. Another thing- in the UK there's no routine vaccination for TB, for example. So a lot depends from what country your in-laws are coming. If you're concerned, it's probably better to go with your gut feeling. It's going to be your baby, not hers.

CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine · 15/04/2024 14:15

People can catch anything anywhere, are you having a baby in the hospital? Because that will have other parents/visitors/staff who could all have anything. You could catch something at any point as could your DH or any of your family. So on the germ point I think yabu.

is this just an extension of your MiL issues and you are looking for an excuse? My MiL was quite overbearing with my first so I understand and you could use the illness thing as an excuse to have another few days MIL free but if you let these issues fester you risk more problems down the line.

WappityWabbit · 15/04/2024 14:15

I don't think YABU. Your priority is your baby not the grandparents and I say this as a MIL who only got to see our darling granddaughter when she was 9 months old as we live abroad. Your MIL needs to put your feelings above hers.

Every time my middle son comes over to visit us he leaves my vulnerable DH battling another nasty chest infection. I wouldn't mind but his wife is a doctor and mildly apologetic but very blasé about it all. 😳

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2024 14:15

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. We had no visitors with ours, local or overseas, for a good few weeks. No health worries, we just didn’t want them.

Original poster

Newmumtobe87 · 15/04/2024 14:22

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2024 14:15

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. We had no visitors with ours, local or overseas, for a good few weeks. No health worries, we just didn’t want them.

I probably should've said that I don't personally want any visitors, home or abroad, for at least the first 2 weeks

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MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2024 14:23

Which is entirely reasonable.

Original poster

Newmumtobe87 · 15/04/2024 14:24

justanotherrandomperson · 15/04/2024 14:13

As someone who does seem to get colds when I fly (but never anything worse than a cold), I understand your concern, but as others are saying, anyone who visits your baby could potentially be contagious with something. An unfortunate fact of life. I think it would depend on how long they'll be visiting. Assuming it's not a long visit, it seems rude to make them waste two days of their stay without being able to see the baby.

To clarify, I won't have them visiting every day of their stay that early on after birth anyway.

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MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2024 14:29

Frankly anyone expecting to visit every day for a couple of weeks just after mum and baby get home needs their head examined.
Mum, dad and baby need time and space to find their equilibrium before anyone else is involved.

seedsandseeds · 15/04/2024 15:04

Why would they catch something on a plane?
You're far more likely to catch a bug from the hospital whilst giving birth

PrincessTeaSet · 15/04/2024 15:07

If they do catch something on the plane they won't be infectious immediately so you would be better off allowing visits the first 2 days but then no more!

Anyway if you want them to delay their visit they should respect that. Can't they wait until the baby's a month or 2? It will likely result in a more pleasant visit for all!

pasturesgreen · 15/04/2024 15:07

And was planning on staying in our house (despite me saying that's not going to be possible. She now isn't staying with us. But that's another story)

I daresay that's a pretty major part of the story, tbh. Where's your DH in all this, why is he not supporting you in setting boundaries with his family?

Peonies12 · 15/04/2024 15:08

YABU. It's just as likely a visitor could pick something up at the supermarket or their work. And you're more likely to catch something in hospital. I've never heard of anyone in real life being so precious as on MN about visitors early on.

Original poster

Newmumtobe87 · 15/04/2024 15:09

seedsandseeds · 15/04/2024 15:04

Why would they catch something on a plane?
You're far more likely to catch a bug from the hospital whilst giving birth

You've never caught a cold / cough etc on a plane? According to a study published (Journal of Environmental Health Research) 'you may be 100 times as likely to catch a cold on a plane as in your normal day-to-day life.' It's because of the extremely low cabin humidity found on most commercial airlines. I also didn't say I was giving birth in hospital.

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Peonies12 · 15/04/2024 15:10

I want mine exposed to lots from birth - get their immune system going. No wonder all kids have allergies and sickness nowadays.

Original poster

Newmumtobe87 · 15/04/2024 15:10

PrincessTeaSet · 15/04/2024 15:07

If they do catch something on the plane they won't be infectious immediately so you would be better off allowing visits the first 2 days but then no more!

Anyway if you want them to delay their visit they should respect that. Can't they wait until the baby's a month or 2? It will likely result in a more pleasant visit for all!

I'd originally asked them to delay the visit, which was relayed by DH to them. But was told by them last week that they had booked the flights more than 2 weeks earlier than my request 😥

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Original poster

Newmumtobe87 · 15/04/2024 15:15

Peonies12 · 15/04/2024 15:10

I want mine exposed to lots from birth - get their immune system going. No wonder all kids have allergies and sickness nowadays.

A newborn’s immune system doesn’t mature until they’re about two to three months old.

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Samlewis96 · 15/04/2024 15:18

Newmumtobe87 · 15/04/2024 14:06

Context: I'm pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law lives abroad. We've already had some difficulty with her not respecting my visitors boundaries with the newborn when I asked her not to book flights too close to my due date, because you never know when the baby's going to arrive. She went ahead and did it anyway, so if I go to 42 weeks, she'll arrive in the country 6 days post-birth. And was planning on staying in our house (despite me saying that's not going to be possible. She now isn't staying with us. But that's another story).

Main query is that I'm now really worried that she and her husband will catch something on the plane on the way over and give it to our newborn. I'd ideally like her to not visit for the first 2 days after getting off the plane, so as to avoid her spreading germs. Is that unreasonable?

Why is any different to any other visitor? Would you like to hotel quarantine her also?

PrincessTeaSet · 15/04/2024 15:23

Newmumtobe87 · 15/04/2024 15:10

I'd originally asked them to delay the visit, which was relayed by DH to them. But was told by them last week that they had booked the flights more than 2 weeks earlier than my request 😥

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Well that's rubbish of them. I guess you need to decide whether to let them walk all over you or to rearrange the flights.

I wouldn't worry about the infection risk though. Once your first child is in nursery and you have your second they catch everything from birth and are mostly fine. Breastfeeding is helpful for their immunity.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 15/04/2024 15:24

I'm guessing this is your first child?
Good luck keeping them away from bugs if you have older snotty toddlers or school children
Own it
you don't want your mother in law there
Nowt to do with germs

Twinkletoes127 · 15/04/2024 15:36

pasturesgreen · 15/04/2024 15:07

And was planning on staying in our house (despite me saying that's not going to be possible. She now isn't staying with us. But that's another story)

I daresay that's a pretty major part of the story, tbh. Where's your DH in all this, why is he not supporting you in setting boundaries with his family?

But it's her partners child too. His boundaries may be different. The mother does not get boundry rights by default, this is a hill I would die on