AIBU Worrying About Visitors From Abroad Spreading Germs To A Newborn

[Newmumtobe87]

Context: I'm pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law lives abroad. We've already had some difficulty with her not respecting my visitors boundaries with the newborn when I asked her not to book flights too close to my due date, because you never know when the baby's going to arrive. She went ahead and did it anyway, so if I go to 42 weeks, she'll arrive in the country 6 days post-birth. And was planning on staying in our house (despite me saying that's not going to be possible. She now isn't staying with us. But that's another story).

Main query is that I'm now really worried that she and her husband will catch something on the plane on the way over and give it to our newborn. I'd ideally like her to not visit for the first 2 days after getting off the plane, so as to avoid her spreading germs. Is that unreasonable?

when are you due? ventillation is key for avoiding spread of viruses so hopefully in the summer months when you can have a window open, and get a hepa filter. Ikea do a lovely one that's also a table.

She's arriving almost a week after your 42nd week. It's most likely that she'll arrive weeks after you've given birth. Then you want her to delay by another (completely unscientific, completely arbitrary) two days? YABU.

That study (and at a glance, its is more of a review of existing studies than a new study) is from 20 years ago (that's not to say its not still accurate, but I didn't want to flag that it isn't recent!). It also mostly says that the reason is thought to be to do with people's reduced immune system when they're travelling, as well as the low cabin humidity (which may well have improved in 20 years).

I would imagine this is more about them turning up when you don't want them to, and ignoring your wishes. You might feel differently once the baby is here (I know I couldn't wait to show mine off to anyone and everyone!) or you might not. You need DH to be on your side either way though.

That's just not true though. You need to regulate that thinking. Babies have been pottering about amongst other humans for thousands of years. And keeping them 'sterile' won't help their immune system develop.

YABU in that coming from abroad doesnt make them higher risk for spreading germs.

If it would make you feel more comfortable,you can request that guests wash thier hands before handling the baby.

I didn't think they let you go to 42 weeks now - happy to be corrected but if not then you're at least good for the first 12/13 days anyway.

yeah, or you know, if there was a global pandemic still going on despite everyone trying to make it go away by ignoring it?!

op you're not being overly anxious, you should protect your baby however you think is appropriate. Everyone with a baby that has survived will tell you that what they did is fine (including front sleeping and other things that are definitely known not to be safe now!), you should listen to your own instincts.

Oh do stop with this shit.

They don't let you go over, but with a low-risk pregnancy you can go to 42 weeks

Honestly OP I was like you with my first and he has been the one who always catches everything, I was so protective of him with germs he wasn’t ill at all until he went to nursery and then he was ill what felt like every week for two years. Still gets everything going.

My youngest had a cold at just days old (thanks to her brother who we couldn’t exactly tell he had to wait x amount of weeks before he was allowed near us) and she is the healthiest thing going. Never ill. She also doesn’t have allergies like her brother.

Now obviously this isn’t evidence, it’s just my experience, but most newborns aren’t raised in protective bubbles where they see no one but their parents.

Its clearly a MIL problem which is fine but just own it.

You realise the midwives could have just returned from a holiday and been on a plane the day before they assist you to give birth?

As plenty of other posters have pointed out, germs can be picked up anywhere by anyone. British germs aren't some kind of special variety.

I'll preface this by saying I'm not a medical professional, but encouraging an obviously anxious OP is not a good idea. I was an overly anxious new mum myself and it did me no favours. Babies will get coughs and colds as a matter of course. And as PP said, once they get to nursery, it's no holds barred

Well you have clearly made up your mind so not really any point in anyone disagreeing with you.

How about meeting them outside on the first day? All the evidence is that it's safer. As we are coming into summer it's an easier suggestion

The answer to your original question is that you are unreasonable and come across as very inflexible, which is why I asked if you at least have your partner’s backing.

BTW way my parents stayed with us after having dd2, they ended up arriving 4 weeks after she was born but obviously would have been 2 weeks if she was late. It was fine and my parents ran around after her sister

@Newmumtobe87 do you plan on having other children? If/when you do you'll realise how ridiculous this thread is.
Toddlers bring home so many germs - will you send them away for a few months/weeks so a potential new baby doesn't catch their germs?

Where's your MiL visiting from? Are you different ethnicities? I'm asking because DH and I and it makes a difference to expectations and you have to communicate really well to compromise.

I notice the FIL gets off lightly here - he's just mentioned in passing as a piece of luggage the wicked MIL will be bringing with her.

When DD started in crèche she was out every second week! It was painful! But she got better after a while. It was v tough for the first few months though. She caught everything going. She needed the exposure.

Not wanting people using a lot of public transport and visiting possibly days after you have given birth isn't being overly anxious, and dismissing someone's concerns saying 'oooh overly anxious when you've had more kids you'll get it' is rude.

Kids getting ill happens, when they start nursery or school it's unavoidable. Being concerned about people who have ignored your request not to book flights already and you think might be carrying illnesses visiting when the baby is 2 weeks old while mum is still physically recovering from birth and probably very sleep deprived isn't being overly anxious.

I've never known anyone in r/l hide themselves from visitors when they've had a baby - thank goodness.

My parents saw my eldest niece when she was 90 mins old.

AND I might add this was at the suggestion of my SIL who, gets on well with my parents, & knew my brother was desperate to show his daughter off to her proud grand parents. I was invited to visit at the hospital the next day.

We all saw their second daughter when she was less than 24 hours old.

Thankfully all my close friends have been more than happy to have visitors.

When did refusing even immediate family become a thing (on MN anyway)

Since you said earlier "I didn't say I was giving birth in hospital", you'll be having a home birth then.

I didn't think they'd let you go to 42 weeks in that case?

They didn't when I had my DS at home anyway.

Just to be clear, he's the MIL's partner, not the biological FIL

The air in your typical airplane cabin is probably some of the cleanest air you'll experience indoors. The air filter system is incredible, and there's a full air change every couple of minutes.

You're perhaps more likely to pick up bugs in an airport, but not any moreso than your average supermarket, gp surgery, restaurant etc.

It's fine to not want visitors. Its weird to pretend that staying away for 2 days will impact their tendency to catch a bug.