AIBU Worrying About Visitors From Abroad Spreading Germs To A Newborn

[Newmumtobe87]

Context: I'm pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law lives abroad. We've already had some difficulty with her not respecting my visitors boundaries with the newborn when I asked her not to book flights too close to my due date, because you never know when the baby's going to arrive. She went ahead and did it anyway, so if I go to 42 weeks, she'll arrive in the country 6 days post-birth. And was planning on staying in our house (despite me saying that's not going to be possible. She now isn't staying with us. But that's another story).

Main query is that I'm now really worried that she and her husband will catch something on the plane on the way over and give it to our newborn. I'd ideally like her to not visit for the first 2 days after getting off the plane, so as to avoid her spreading germs. Is that unreasonable?

I think people are being unfair saying you're overly anxious. I have friends who didn't see anyone for weeks after baby was born, both for their own mental health and for their babies sake. I think after Covid everyone is more protective

Make sure people wash their hands very well and don't have large groups around and I think it'll be fine

As above.

Up to you, as the parents of the child, who you want, when you want them, and how long you want them for. Obviously, the child is going to have to come into contact with other humans at some point.

Hospitals are just as likely to have germs as people who have travelled on a plane. Your husband on his way to and through hospital to visit is going to come into contact with people who might be carrying germs.

I repeat, it's up to you.

But if you are already this worried about germs, you're going to love the nursery years.

But if you are already this worried about germs, you're going to love the nursery years.

It's more about the first 2 months of her life when her immune system is compromised / non-existent that I'm concerned about. All good after that.

Hmm so how come there's not a big influx of 2 ND and 3Rd children being constantly seriously I'll then. Or are their siblings locked away from them until they reach 2 months old lol

My 3rd child was 6 hours old when he was first taken to visit his grandmother. Aunt and cousins had congratulated there as well. Also there were my 12 year old and 9 year old who were at different schools therefore carrying a wide pool of germs. So he was exposed to all these . I was never overly worried about it. November baby so at 3/4 weeks old was going round of Xmas fetes, Carol services, shopping etc etc etc.

He is now 20 with 2 visits to the GP under his belt. The first was his 6 week check up and the second a football injury when he was 15. So obviously being amongst the walking germ banks didn't fo him much harm

My DM came straight from the airport and a long-haul flight to see my newborn DS1 and she didn't bring any germs. You need to take a deep breath OP and also the long view. Your MIL is your baby's grandma. She is probably very eager to meet him/her. You've already told her she's not welcome straight after the birth and not welcome in your house. Please try and make her feel a little bit welcome as a visitor staying elsewhere.

How did they manage with second or third babies?

Not sure that foreign germs are any more dangerous than English germs…😗

@Samlewis96 They were first babies. It's up to people to make their own decisions

So they didn't have any more. Would be interesting to see what happens if they do

Fair enough on people making own decisions but what do you actually do if you have more than one child. Send eldest away? Keep them out of school so they don't pick up germs? And what about the father? Not able to work in case catch cold on the train / at work etc

Anyone can pass on germs to your baby. Insist they wash their hands and don’t kiss the baby… same should be said to anyone who meets baby anyway.

You're being overanxious.

I have never understood the banning visitors thing personally as I was always so keen to show the baby off and its so nice to see how much everybody loves them. Also you've just come from the hospital which is probably more germ infested than anywhere!

That being said its entirely your decision although the plane thing may be slightly ott.

Even if you don't breastfeed, your baby still has your antibodies in its system that passer through the placenta in the womb. That's why, for example, the whooping cough jab is given during pregnancy.

If you breastfeed as well, you're topping up the antibodies constantly. I strongly recommend you breastfeed if you have this health anxiety.

I agree with all the pp who point out that if you have a second baby, the older one brings home all sorts of bugs from nursery/school. You think coughs and colds are bad? Wait till you experience headlice and threadworm being brought into the house. You might be able to bar your mil but not your older child.

Everyone knows PIL germs are the worst....

You're being unreasonable and unfair, IMO.

Imagine being a grandparent and being banned from seeing your grandchild for weeks on end. I really don't get that mentality.

Infections in the first 3 months of life are good for babies and are associated with a lower risk of childhood leukaemia https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4100471/

Unless they're visiting from a third-world country currently in the midst of a highly contagious epidemic such as ebola or the plague, you are being absolutely ridiculous. Germs can come from anyone - not just overseas visitors.

Pps calling op out for being anxious as a first time mum. Show me the soon to be first time mum who isn't anxious and then we can talk!

Op, I think they need to follow the rule that everyone else needs to follow - that you don't come visit a new baby if you're feeling under the weather. Even if you've come from abroad. You could ask them to wash their hands before holding baby if that makes you feel better about it.

@Twinkletoes127 new mums absolutely do get final say over who stays in their home when they are recovering from birth and at their most vulnerable. A new mum, with leaking nipples, riding a hormonal rollercoaster, with heavy bleeding, possibly recovering from major surgery, needing injections, trying to establish breastfeeding while massively sleep deprived absolutely trumps the dads wish to have his mum to stay. There's no reason why they can't be near but not in ops home. And that's a hill I'll fight all day and die on too. Its like people completely forget that it's not about seeing a shiny new baby for a cuddle, it's about holding space for a mum to recover in the best way for her as an individual.

Pps calling op out for being anxious as a first time mum. Show me the soon to be first time mum who isn't anxious and then we can talk!

There's nothing wrong with pointing out that someone's anxieties are unhealthy or irrational, even if they are a first time mum.

Are your own family allowed to visit and just the parents in law aren’t? If so your husband has every right to object to you banning your mother in law from coming to the house.

All visitors will come when I feel ready and up to it and say they can. Whoever they are

But what about the wants of your husband/ the baby’s father? In a partnership these things should be agreed by both, not by one person only.

This all sounds really sad. I'd have found it rather miserable not to see anyone for weeks after the birth (I'm nearly 3 months post partum).

I would suggest don't have anyone to visit if:
Theyll wait to be made a cup of tea rather than making theirs and yours
Their presence will make you feel uncomfortable breastfeeding or pumping
You don't feel you can wear your PJs
They will overstay their welcome

The visitors who brought meals and snacks/ held the baby while I washed my hair were a godsend.

And he agrees, since I'll be the one in recovery... That's not really the point of the original question though...

They're quite robust. Otherwise humanity would be in trouble! But YABU for not wanting anyone imposing on your time with your new baby. That should be your decision.