AIBU Worrying About Visitors From Abroad Spreading Germs To A Newborn

[Newmumtobe87]

Context: I'm pregnant with my first child. My mother-in-law lives abroad. We've already had some difficulty with her not respecting my visitors boundaries with the newborn when I asked her not to book flights too close to my due date, because you never know when the baby's going to arrive. She went ahead and did it anyway, so if I go to 42 weeks, she'll arrive in the country 6 days post-birth. And was planning on staying in our house (despite me saying that's not going to be possible. She now isn't staying with us. But that's another story).

Main query is that I'm now really worried that she and her husband will catch something on the plane on the way over and give it to our newborn. I'd ideally like her to not visit for the first 2 days after getting off the plane, so as to avoid her spreading germs. Is that unreasonable?

But logically, that makes no sense. Do you want people not to use a supermarket for example? Ultimately, it's up to the parents who sees the newborn and when, but encouraging a fear of perfectly normal interactions is not good (imo anyway). And again, once they land in crèche or school, they'll be inundated with bugs.

My parents in law live overseas also. It was so important to my partner (and me) to make them feel welcome and included. They were so excited about their first.

For my 1st child a couple of years ago, we booked a UK holiday cottage (our flat in London was too small) and spent 5 days there with them ten days after baby was born. My family came also for a couple of days. It was lovely and really special time. Everyone understood if I needed to go off to my room for a bit.

This time around, some of my close family is abroad also now, and they flew over and we spent time away with them (in the U.K.) for a few days.

Both times the babies have been fine in terms of germs. My first baby was in SCBU, I was anxious, and was still okay. Handwashing, a mask if you feel you need to.

you don't get much build-up of aerosols in a supermarket because most people are there for a bit to shop and then leave. Supermarkets are generally very large and airy which also helps. Sitting with people in a metal tube together for hours is completely different. Reports on how much the air is changed or filtered or just recirculated in planes varies.

Yes. In baby groups and nursery and school of course they'll encounter bugs. She's concerned about her brand new baby being exposed to something unpleasant, I didn't see her suggesting keeping the child in a bubble for its entire life.

Ask them to wash their hands and wear a mask. Sorted.

I don't recall suggesting she did?

My baby was sick with RSV in January after my toddler caught it. We all got sick with it. Two trips to hospital then admitted on third visit (all within 4 days). Baby was the in hospital 4 days on oxygen, though. (I was admitted with baby). Lumbar puncture considered; iv's in, antibiotics; emergency plan to transfer to dedicated children's hospital. Awful. My perspective is very limited visitors, but wearing masks is non-negotiable.

Just own the fact that you don’t want to see MIL and absolutely nothing to do with germs.
FWIW I have never met anyone IRL that doesn’t want friends and family to meet their newborn unless they are showing signs of a virus . It’s just common sense.

well you kept mentioning that the baby will be exposed to germs in creche or school anyway, so I assumed you thought the op was worried about that. It does afterall make the overly anxious new mum narrative much more believable.

That was my reading of the post. If you have a different opinion, you're entitled to that. As I am to mine. And I didn't 'keep mentioning' anything, I responded to posts in a perfectly rational way, much like I am now.

It does seem to be a very MN thing! Everybody I know can't wait for people to meet the baby!

Such a lovely, happy time! I have great memories of all the visitors.

That's because they have yours!

Ha ha!

Honestly, these poor grandparents. They can't win. If they're too excited they're being oppressive, if they're not excited enough, they'll be accused of being uninterested. The line in the acceptable middle is about a metre wide for the maternal grandparents, and a centimetre wide for the paternal ones.

Yes, I wonder if there's a correlation between that, and all the threads moaning about grandparents not doing enough?

Yes, she might catch something on a 25hr flight. People are mad to think that's not a real risk.

however, she is going to land minimum 6 days after the baby is born so she'll know by then whether she is sick or not. so there's no need to worry.

My mum came up to stay for two weeks after DD was born. Not a mask to be had. We all survived. Not to mention DH's (large) family visiting and showering her with a ridiculous amount of presents. Let's not lose sight of that because of what is potentially a short term thing.

Your pushy in-laws seem to be a much bigger problem than the theoretical risk from nasty foreign germs (which aren't likely to be much different from local germs anyway).

Local germs is conjuring up and image of a cartoon germ in a flat cap with a pipe 😅

Not read whole thread but I don’t think it’s reasonable to make them quarantine. The boundaries thing is another topic.
however, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask visitors to wash their hands with soap and remove outdoor clothing before they hold a newborn. I would do this out of courtesy if visiting a new baby. I think you could ask them, and any other visitor, to do this.

apart from the fact you've already probably been exposed to the local germs and have immunity to share with baby.

It's not out of the bounds of possibility that the in-laws actually have a life and commitments, too. And that these were the only flight dates that worked for them.

I know it's easy to get 'it's all about us and the baby' with a first born, but seriously, your other family members' lives don't stop happening. Especially for those living abroad who can't just easily slot a week's stay into their other commitments.
I doubt that they had a completely empty calendar, yet deliberately chose to come at not quite optimal time.

They're retired with no hobbies or commitments. They did not book the flights around their diary

I would be a bit wary as I think it is common to catch a virus during a flight. People tend to travel even if quite ill and you can't just change seats if the person next to you is coughing and sneezing for several hours. If she is staying somewhere else just suggest she doesn't visit if feeling ill until she feels better. Most people would do that anyway.

"Local germs for local people" 🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The whole thing sound utterly ridiculous to me, people have become really precious about having babies recently.