Does a child's mental health really improve if you take them out of school?

[MoominPyjamas]

I have absolutely no agenda in this post. My DC struggles going into school. She's refused a few times. She is always happy when I pick her up.
Someone on a SEN chat group said that I was 'abusing' her for sending her to school, knowing that she is unhappy to go in. There's a lot on these chats about school being hell and torture for ND kids, but I don't think this is the case for all.
My question is, are the related MH conditions more prevalent in ND kids less likely to occur if your child isn't in the school system? So if they're home schooled, do they become happier teens, less likely to self harm or lock themselves in their rooms? Is there research on this? I'd be fascinated to see if it was the case and whether EBSA was at all related to a tendency to struggle with your mental health in general. For example my DC has very high and low moods, so if she wasn't in school would this improve or would she always be prone to periods of low mood and then periods of elation?

I don’t know about any research, though I’d be interested to know as well. I think that people who struggle with MH will always struggle, whether going to school or not. I also understand from current research that anxiety tends to be exacerbated by avoiding the things that make us anxious, which would suggest that, unless school is actively making things much worse (which sadly some schools do, but definitely not all!) that supporting our children in overcoming the anxiety of going in will actually help them. I expect this is very different from person to person, but my son is similar - really struggles with the transition from home to school but he is genuinely fine when he is there (I see him around school and he also says it himself) and I think he’d not be helped by avoiding this. He is learning strategies to overcome that transition anxiety, which he will have to do if he is to live a full life. Equally, I have always said to him that, whilst just not going in is not really a good choice, if he really feels that home education will be a better option for him then that is what we’ll do. So far, he feels that school is the best option for what he wants from his life and therefore he is motivated to find those ways of coping with the things he finds so difficult.

In my work I work with plenty of kids who don't go to school because they refuse. Their mental health doesn't seem any better than the ones who are in school.

This is a relatively new phenomenon so there will be limited data available for the long term impact either way.

Of course people have always home educated but the notion of pulling kids out of school if ND to protect their MH is something that’s really become more popular over the last 10 years.

Homeschooling won’t cure them of any mental health conditions, but it might help alleviate the issues impacting the family from the additional stress school can cause. Although they’ll still be a depressed or anxious adult when you can’t homeschool them anymore.

I'd talk to the school about accommodations to support your DC's stress around transitions. Starting 10 minutes later would mean the playground is quiet and empty, far less sensory overload, finishing 15 minutes early could help too. Using a printed out day or week plan with simple colour key can help her predict and see what is happening that day. Often transitions are the difficulty. These still occur being homeschooled but is this what you really want to do?

There are far too many variables at play to be able to stay that being out of school leads to better mental health.

It depends on the child's specific conditions, the school, the school's resources, individual teachers and their relationships with the child, relationships with classmates, the mental health of the parents, the wealth of the parents, the education level of the parents, the emotional intelligence of the parents, the relationship between the mother and father, how intelligent the child is, whether the child has specific career or life goals, the child's access to the internet, the things they see on the internet and how they respond, the relationship with siblings, probably something genetic, and a million other variables.

Your child is unlikely to suddenly stop having low mood periods just because they aren't in school - their condition cannot be "solved" but just one step.

Plenty of children's physical and mental wellbeing is much higher by them being in school. Not all parents are good parents.

Of course you aren't "abusing her" what ridiculous hyperbole. The internet is full of it!! Don't let it upset you.

I can only speak from my experience but my daughters MH is better when in school even though she dislikes it. It's the same with me going to work. Having a routine, somewhere to be, tasks to complete, seems to help. The anxiety builds up more during holidays and time off sick as the thought of going and that dread just builds.

As someone who hated school too, I don't think my parents abused me for making me go!!! And can understand now why it was the best thing, academically, socially, and life skills. (That said, I don't think my mum would have been any good at home schooling 🤣)

Definitely depends on the individual.

There are 100% ND children who struggle massively with mainstream school and it destroys their mental health. But not all.

Was this "not fine in school" Facebook group? They are VERY pushing when it comes to HE they seem to think it's something everyone can do and if you don't you are making excuses and it's wrong, I've been told the same because I refuse to home educate my child. They don't accept that it's not possible for everyone and yes school is often referred to as abuse and "prison"

Long term homeschooler here.

Lots of kids are leaving school due to mental healther issues right now. It used to he quite rare for teens to leave school but now it seems to be happening more than any other age range. Daily my homeschool local page is flooded with desperate parents who kids are self harming/depressed/being bullied etc.

We can't know yet if these kids can be turned around in the homeschool community however I'll tell you what advice is usually given to these parents. Give your child a break. Take her out for a month or two and lay off the academics. Go to the woods/beach spend time watching films together and visit museums etc. Try out some local home ed groups and see if she likes them.

You'll know in your heart whether it's the right thing for your child quite quickly. Best of luck.

Interesting question- I don't know the answer to. My year 7 autistic daughter has asked to be home schooled because she 'hates' school. However, most days she comes out of school happy. She certainly didn't thrive during lockdown with online learning. I think she would become more isolated at home, and I'm not sure online schools are the best choice unless there is no other option.

For us , yes. For 3 dc with ASD / ASD and adhd. They were extremely unwell and after detegistering it took months to recover then when they did things were vastly improved

My children are young but 2 of them are ND and struggle with school. For my eldest mainstream school seriously damaged his mental health and he ended up having an Autistic burnout, he has been on a flexi time table so part time homeschool and 1hr 45mins in school a day for about 6mths now and he is so much happier now. He should be starting at a specialised setting soon but if that doesnt work we will homeschool and it will genuinely be better for his mental health.

My daughter on the other hand would be just as unhappy homeschooling because she would become reclusive. With support and adaptions she is better staying in education.

There isnt an easy answer because what works for each child is going to be unique to them.

The mental health impact of school versus the mental health impact of having no natural peer groups. Unless you are in an area with a friendly and welcoming home ed community the sheer lack of friends can also be damaging to mental health.
Not everyone wants to be kind, not everyone wants their children to be friendly with just anyone who comes along. Some of the parents are far more cliquey than school parents can be and frankly some of the children are feral.
Just be aware of dropping one problem for another
It's all fine when they're young enough to enjoy family and family oriented life but it's a whole other kettle of fish when they want social lives and partners.

I don't know why you wouldn't try homeschooling if you can, but presumably there are barriers to this (e.g. you're at work?).

I'd have been much better off homeschooled - school ruined my MH. I thrived at work during lockdown tbh.

We had to give up work to HE our dc it wasn’t what we wanted at first but became our only option

I don’t think there is a blanket answer to this. I do know autistic children who were in inappropriate mainstream schools who were happier when they were taken out. I also think for my son if he was at home he would be likely to slip into too much screen time and low mood. HOWEVER we were privileged to be able to fight for and get a specialist school. I’m not sure long term mainstream would have even been possible. So if that was the only option we might well still have pulled him out.

Don’t make decisions because other people think your child absolutely should or absolutely should not be in school. Make choices that you feel are best for your particular child in their particular personality and situation.

I didn't really "want" a social life as a teenager tbh, it was expected of me.

Much easier to establish a social life and find a partner when you can find a job or university lifestyle that suits you rather than having to mask through school every day.

I’m just off to a home ed group with my youngest who will
be home educated (I don’t really want to go it again, did it with my eldest until he was 10 and there are reasons it would suit her too, middle child has always gone to school but it’s a completely different person).

Theres a lot of really bloody miserable, lonely kids who have a hard time making friend at the home ed groups I go to.

it’s not a magic bullet like some people think it is.

For example my DC has very high and low moods, so if she wasn't in school would this improve or would she always be prone to periods of low mood and then periods of elation?
If this is due to e.g. PMDD then taking her out wouldn't have any effect whatsoever. If it's due to something happening at school, then it might. One of mine would be happier out of school, but I know he would do nothing and become even more isolated than he already is.

I would say if autistic and struggling in school then highly likely to thrive out of school system that triggers most areas of autism unless adaptations are in place and the child is able to ‘cope’ ( suck up without reaction) much of the very stimulus that is either overwhelming or painful

Oh, I hate that.

One of mine has always gone to school and loves everything about it. I let that slip at a home Ed group I take my youngest to and I just get dirty looks and “jokes” about being her in prison if the older kids ask after my daughter (they run the groups in the school holidays so she comes along then).

In fact, when my daughter does come along in the school holidays, there are parents who discourage their home educated children from forming friendships with her because she goes to school. Absolutely mental.

@FlowersInAFlowerBed , I left that group for that reason .

I read a really good article on this by a clinical psychologist. Will try and find it. She said that whether in school or not the problem is that there's a lot more recognition of MH problems but very little support for them ie CAMHMs hard to access and treatment available is too limited and short term to really help. So children and young people are noticing their anxiety, depression etc but they are tending to avoid the things that cause it rather than being helped in a structured way to cope better. Just sending them back to the environment that causes the problem isn't helpful but avoiding it isn't helpful either.

Depends what triggers them, if it is the school environment and their personality.

If you pull them out of school, then they are just plodding at home all day watching telly then no probably won't stop mental health and will get worse..

If they stop school which is the main trigger, then at home do activities that manage emotions/stress like sports, art ect group activities that are less intense then i can imagine they would get better and rebuild confidence.

Each child is different anyway regardless of Sen, so cope in different ways, learn in different ways. You are the only one to know what is best for your child. One might thrive with home education, another will be better placed at school.

Depends on the situation.

I worked in schools for 20 years.

My last school had large numbers of autistic children and children with adhd.

We had students whose MH needs were such that they needed to be taught in a 1:1 situation and with known adults only. Those students are not getting much from school.

We also had students who were horrendously bullied by other students. The school did a lot of work on inclusivity etc but for those students they absolutely would have been better off being somewhere where they weren't bullied.

Even with EHCPs students with ND are often taught in groups. We had a nurture group of students with EHCPs that had 13 in it. I can say without fear of doubt that all of those children would have done better academically being home schooled as the 1:1 situation would have been easier for them socially. However, academics are not everything and learning basic social skills is important as well.

So for me it would depend on why your DD is unhappy going into school. Is she being bullied? Is the work way too hard for her to access? Or is it that she is just a bit outside her comfort zone?