To be sick of strangers’ life stories?

[Chaney]

I know this will make me sound unsympathetic and cold. I’m generally not but, like most people, I have a lot on my plate and just can’t really take the mental load of strangers.

Twice this week I’ve had complete strangers tell me their sad life stories.

I got my hair done on Thursday and had a new stylist who spent the full three hours I was there yapping at me about all the awful things that had happened on her life. Poor woman really did have some awful events occur, but I was exhausted, drained, worried about stuff that’s going on it my own family, and left feeling like I paid £300+ to act as her personal therapist while stuck in a chair. I did resort to making non-commital “uh huh” noises and burying my head on my phone or a magazine after a while, but she persisted.

Then today I was in a small local shop. The owner was putting an order together for me while telling me about being widowed last year. Now, I certainly felt sympathy for her but I expressed it, but she just kept going on and on about the details of her late husband’s illness and premature death while very, very slowly fetching the items that were needed for my order.

I’ve always encountered this- strangers clinging on to me. I really don’t know why- I’m not especially approachable or engaging. I don’t share a lot about myself with people I don’t know. I’m assertive but it’s hard to ask someone to be quiet or move away from them when they’re in tears telling you about the abuse they’ve sustained, or a bereavement.

I think it’s gone much worse since Covid too- people just seem to want to over share.

@Odiebay · Today 13:37

I had this with my hairdresser. She kept pausing to show me photos and videos of her kids. I am not the least bit interested.

Final straw for me was when she told me way too much personal info on her 3 year old daughter and her boyfriend... You can guess what happened there. I felt sick. I was so sad and upset that messed me up that night and I couldn't get it out of my head.

God that's awful. Imagine telling one of your CUSTOMERS (who you don't know personally) this... Something so personal and horrific.

@Abitofalark

Now I suspect it's more to do with being recognised as that class of people, namely women, who are perceived as available and suitable passive recipients of conversation and confidences.

Probably! My DH rarely gets cornered by people blathering on about their life problems and health issues etc, whilst not letting him get a word in edgeways. It has happened to him before, but happens more to me.

I love hearing people's life stories! Absolutely hate small talk....tell me the gritty details please 😂

Has anyone noticed people doing on the PHONE too??

Thats a new one. I've always ran into oversharers and overtalkers in person but now everyone I speak to on the phone wants to tell me their life story too. I spoke to a lady from my internet provider the other day and she stated telling me how annoyed she was because her MIL had bought her son a fishtank without consulting her. Complete with details of every fish like... wtf?
And just on Friday I had a lady ring me up on a owrk matter who started telling me all about her week at work, every mean customer, every late start, every damn cup of coffee she had had. Then she moved on to her political views, which did not align with mine so that was awkward.
I think it's because I do try to be nice and always say "I'm very well thank you, and you" and some people take that question very literally.

Im travelling abroad solo and have had two people approach me in the last 3 days as they resale I speak English - both are with others. They have proceeded to tell me their life stories - Im not really interested and its rude when they don't want a conversation (no questions asked) they just launch into there tales - which frankly were boring. On both occasions I excused myself asap and left.

I do wonder if people don't listen to them as they talk at people - thus seek out new people to talk at, never realising they are the issue?

Did it not already feel contrived and fake by the time Susan Boyle came along?

They were so obvious showing the laughter and sneers from the audiance before she started. I remember rolling my eyes and saying to DH "just watch, I bet she's really good"

Surely after the first series of Xfactor people were starting to see through the facade?

I both have The Face but also, more recently, have turned into an occasional oversharer myself. I hear myself blurt stuff out to strangers and part of my brain is horrified, thinking "Sirens, what the fuck are you gabbling on about to this poor person and why??!" but I seem unable to stop. In my (weak) defence I'm under a lot of stress as an unofficial carer to DH alongside FT work with not much RL support. We're struggling to come to terms with some new, lifechanging diagnoses and sometimes I think saying it out loud to people is the only way I can make it seem real.

So sorry if I've unburdened myself on anyone here 😳

Aww I found @ViciousCurrentBun's post sweet. Usually people who are good listeners are self-aware, so I'm sure they don't bore their friends.

I'm a terrible person and have as much interest in other people's sob stories as I do the mechanics of de-moulding bathroom tiles, but I do appreciate nice people who do the listening the rest of us can't be bothered to.

Smile and nod smile nod all the while im sitting and thinking shut the fuck up im not interested.
Smile and nod smile and nod.

@SoundTheSirens see, I reckon we all do it at some point. It's so widely experienced, this phenomena of hearing a stranger's innermost thoughts, that it can't be the same few people going around spilling to everyone on this thread. At least you have the awareness that you are doing it but don't feel bad - as you can see, it's really common. I bet by age 60 everyone will be able to think of at least one time when they have done the same - typically when they were bereaved or processing trauma. It can be very beneficial to speak to a neutral unconnected person in such circumstances and in situations where you are physically close to someone else eg when you're on a train seat next to them for hours, or when they are physically touching you as your hairdresser does you can briefly feel emotionally relaxed enough that these pressing thoughts come out.

It only takes one time, for you to be the talking stranger forever, in the eyes of the person you spoke to, but likely you will be one of many over the course of the listener's lifetime. And they will in turn be the talking stranger who takes a seat on the plane and lets it all out to the person next to them, one day. I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now and I hope you find your way through it.

I think this behaviour stems from the whole "bring your full, authentic self to every single environment" nonsense. There is very little sense of privacy or discretion these days, and it is so tricky when you genuinely do not care to listen to other people's endless woes.

I totally beleive in the "be your authentic self" thing but you can do this while remaining professional and not being boring and putting people off or worse, bringing them down.
I'm certain I would never make a single sale if I talked the ear off every customer who enquired but I know that being bubbly, jokey and honest gets sales because our feedback and reviews say it does.
People need to learn there's a line, that's all.

Thank you for your kindness @Ursulla. I'm ridiculously over-sensitive over this whole thing atm and you'll never know exactly how much your kind words mean to this internet stranger.

In the hairdresser/salon situation I do prefer quiet so will often say something like, "forgive me but I've had a really busy week and just wanted to sit and be pampered while I catch up on my really good book, hope thats OK!" Big smile.

TBH I dont mind it.
Im not very talkative so am fine with listening even if i'm not particularly invested.

"forgive me but I've had a really busy week and just wanted to sit and be pampered while I catch up on my really good book, hope thats OK!" Big smile.

I would absolutely love to be the kind of person who can pull a boundaried, assertive yet perfectly courteous statement that off but I never, ever could. And these people know it!

@SoundTheSirens 💐 for you. It's hard.

Well I think it’s time to accept that o just have one of those faces.

It happened again.

Checking out of a hotel this morning, slightly worse for wear after a terrific shindig last night, and the receptionist decided that I was just the person to offload her woes about her mother-in-law, and her health issue.

Might set up a listening hotline and charge £2.49 a minute.

Ohhh gawd! Not what you need but further confirmation that you are a proud owner of The Face 🤣
Apparently we should be grateful that we have this face rather than a RBF though?

My mother was the chatter. Wherever we went she'd strike up conversations with people - some of whom obviously didn't want to engage but she couldn't take the hint and would then describe them as rude.

YNBU. This happens to me too sometimes and it can be quite hard to deal with. Especially when you are stuck somewhere, like you were at the hairdressers.

It's one thing to be honest about what's really going on in life to the people around you. But that kind of offloading to a complete stranger probably isn't going to be that helpful for anyone.