To be sick of strangers’ life stories?

[Chaney]

I know this will make me sound unsympathetic and cold. I’m generally not but, like most people, I have a lot on my plate and just can’t really take the mental load of strangers.

Twice this week I’ve had complete strangers tell me their sad life stories.

I got my hair done on Thursday and had a new stylist who spent the full three hours I was there yapping at me about all the awful things that had happened on her life. Poor woman really did have some awful events occur, but I was exhausted, drained, worried about stuff that’s going on it my own family, and left feeling like I paid £300+ to act as her personal therapist while stuck in a chair. I did resort to making non-commital “uh huh” noises and burying my head on my phone or a magazine after a while, but she persisted.

Then today I was in a small local shop. The owner was putting an order together for me while telling me about being widowed last year. Now, I certainly felt sympathy for her but I expressed it, but she just kept going on and on about the details of her late husband’s illness and premature death while very, very slowly fetching the items that were needed for my order.

I’ve always encountered this- strangers clinging on to me. I really don’t know why- I’m not especially approachable or engaging. I don’t share a lot about myself with people I don’t know. I’m assertive but it’s hard to ask someone to be quiet or move away from them when they’re in tears telling you about the abuse they’ve sustained, or a bereavement.

I think it’s gone much worse since Covid too- people just seem to want to over share.

YANBU

I was on the train once, it was packed so I was sat at a table with 3 strangers, none of us knew each other. One of them filled us in on their whole life story. She was just released from prison but it wasn’t her fault. XYZ happened that’s why she was inside. Her kids were taken away and it wasn’t her fault. Her ex fucked up her life (which to be fair it did sound like he was a piece of shit). She was swigging from a cheap bottle of vodka and vaping and it was the most uncomfortable hour of my life. Due to how busy the train was there was nowhere to run and I didn’t even have my headphones (the other lucky beggars did) so I just pretended to be absorbed in my phone and hope it would put her off speaking to me but it didn’t.. I could have cried 😅

Like you I really felt for her, she clearly didn’t have an easy life but my god surely someone having their phone inches from their face is the universal sign for stop talking to me!

I too have the Face, strangers seem to love telling me their terrible life stories. A total stranger ended up telling me about her adhd this week, mad! I avoid eye contact if possible now, I can’t deal with it, I just don’t have the mental capacity.

I don't want to hear anyone droning on especially when most people's problems have been brought upon themselves with poor choices they have made.

Shut them down every time.

As for the hairdresser that's very unprofessional of her and I would say that part of me coming to her is to relax and get some peace and quiet.

I hear you! People do it on here and on f acebook too. Most of the time its unrelated to the question, but they always manage to turn it back around and fit their sob story in.

Oh I must have the face then. Hope it is a nice face. Get tmi and life stories, I often get invested and give advice. I do not mind at all. It is quite nice to be approachable.

I get this too, but often don’t mind it if it’s interesting. If it isn’t,or I’m not in the mood, I’m pretty good at changing the subject or making it clear I’m not engaging. With the hairdresser I’d gradually stop responding and read a book.

I’ve learnt to answer back with worst woes well did in the past now I keep my head phones on and ignore ignore ignore

SEN children are flawed children.. .yeah, that's really fucking offensive.

It’s when it dawns on you that it’s happening frequently to you and rarely anyone else around you.
I grew up in a very busy place not known for its “chattiness” and with the don’t talk to strangers thing drilled into me.

You don’t invite these encounters, it’s grating, isn’t it?
Being trapped, like at the hairdressers, and HAVING to engage is my dread.

Yes the TMI!!
I will admit it can be quite humbling that a stranger feels able to share their very personal stuff with me but when it’s the 5th time that week it can be exhausting.
On Friday, taking my trolley back to the stack at the CO-OP, a woman told me all about her dog’s uterine infection.

It was over £300 😬

Colour, cut, highlights, Keratin treatment.

I live in an expensive area, unfortunately.

I also suffer from "the face" - I'm not sure why so many people want to tell me their tales of utter woe, but apparently something about me inspires them.

No I’m with you. It happens to me all the time and whilst I am a sympathetic person I find it a bit too much to be an ear to people to trauma dump. I would never do it to a stranger and am self aware as to not rant even at those closest to me, it’s draining.

I work in a call centre, and we get all kinds of professional yappers calling.

Had one man tell me he has 12 dogs buried in his garden and when he moves he'll exume them and rebury them cos he wants to be buried with them.

Had someone tell me how they lost each of their fingers on one hand, all separate occasions.

Had someone tell me that they'd lived in the same house all their lives and been a child carer for their mother who passed away 40 years ago and he misses her so sometimes puts some of her clothes on.

I sell phones.

Mobile phones.

I don't care about the weird life stories of the people I speak to and it's painful pretending I do, and alot of what gets said is just downright weird.

I don't know what draws them to me.

I moved to a new hairdresser last year. I don't absolutely love how she cuts my hair but she doesn't talk much.

Had someone tell me how they lost each of their fingers on one hand, all separate occasions

That sounds like it was incredibly careless of them! 😆😮
I'd have been pretty interested in that story!

Oversharing is normal in today’s culture. Social media has given everyone main character syndrome. There are people on Instagram crying into their phone, showing their ‘tiger stripes’ & telling you to be proud of yours. Telling you every feeling you have is valid, put yourself first, look what I eat in the morning, watch my pregnant belly grow….
We live in a world where people document every second of their lives & have it validated by likes. Everyone has trauma & is on some sort of ‘journey’.

It’s all very tedious and bizarre. There are no boundaries anymore.

It's fairly common for people who are distressed about something to share more with strangers than they do with those close to them. In that context the listener functions much like a priest in a confessional would - as a static blank slate. I guess the modern version is the internet itself, which has the benefit of theoretical absolute anonymity, but the drawback that any contact is at one physical remove.

In terms of it becoming more common, I guess we've all been through a lot over the past few years with stress levels increasing during covid and remaining high due to economic crisis.

As for why it happens to you, who knows. There's likely some little body language quirk you have that you're not aware of that's making people see you as inviting this kind of close confidential talk. Could be a number of things - maybe you hold eye contact fractionally longer than other people, maybe you pause slightly longer than others before speaking - something is giving vibes to people you are talking to that you want to hear more from them. If you want it to stop, maybe ask a friend to observe you talking to someone else and see if they notice anything.

YANBU, happens to me too. I'm perfecting shutting them down but some people do not get the hint and drone on regardless. Avoiding initial contact and refusing to even look at them when I feel like I'm getting zeroed in on often works.

I think it's extremely unprofessional to offload to a customer/client. It is THEIR appointment or service and you should be asking how they are etc and just doing your bloody job. Looking at you supermarket cashier or doctors receptionist.

Some of my colleagues do it and I've started interjecting as it's so damn rude.

Oh I get this too.
Strangers are irksome, but it becomes particularly annoying with acquaintances and I’ve sometimes had it with friends over the years. I guess it’s the way I empathise with people I meet - I genuinely care for people but it can end up with me being the friend they always share their woes with, often in so much detail I find it hard to shake off negative thoughts about their experiences later. It is rarely reciprocated if I need someone to share with myself.
I think I come over as quite a strong but friendly person, able to make other people feel better about themselves, who is trustworthy with confidential info and say the right things. All good qualities but I can end up emotionally exhausted by it all. I have learned some techniques to shut it down by either looking distracted or moving on to other subjects, but it doesn’t always come naturally to me.
I think it’s why I enjoy MN - I can be less agreeable and move on to a different thread when it gets too much!

This happens to me sometimes, too. I have two neighbours that both want to tell me the ins and outs of their health every time I see them. Years ago I used to stand and listen whilst they talked at me but I'm a lot less tolerant of it all now. I usually just say something like 'nice to see you, but I'm having a busy day so I've got to run'.

I also get people that work on tills in shops wanting to tell me their life/medical history too. I'm polite but also 'in a hurry' in those situations too, and I try not to get too drawn into the conversation.

It's people needing a soundboard. They need to rant to someone but don't have anyone close to do so with.

I've always been approached and depending on the day, will listen, give advice or cut it short.
It's hard when you don't want to seem rude but they won't stop long enough for you to make your excuses.

If I need to go, I always say I have an appointment to get to. If cornered, then I say I have some emails/research to get on with then go on my phone.
Or say you're listening to a podcast.

I would have hung up amd said my battery died

o I get told I’m easy to talk too 😬 I once was stuck next to a woman on a 13 hour flight, she wouldn’t shut the fuck up. She took some sleeping pills but they made her worse. I even pretended to fall asleep and she didn’t stop. I eventually buzzed for some wine. It was a night flight and after I’d finished my glass the attendant passed me a big bottle and said I think you will need this 😂

A work colleague rang me on Friday night and the call lasted 3 hours and 39 minutes.

^

I'm sorry but you're a fool to yourself

After half an hour max I'd have invented an emergency