To think this is just being a parent - not being a martyr?

[Alphabetsouplover]

Right this has been annoying me for the past week and I need to get some perspective.

DD (15 months) has really suffered with illnesses since starting nursery at 11 months old. More than most (according to her room leader and all the other members of staff) we are on her 6th round of antibiotics in 5 months. She had 2 hospitalizations for RSV (different incidents of illness) and still hasn’t managed a whole week in nursery yet. In addition to this she suffers with chronic constipation and needs regular checks and medication reviews for that too.

Our GP practice is, as a whole, pretty good, but after the first few illnesses I definitely think we were tagged as ‘those’ parents and they don’t seem to be as proactive about seeing her or issuing prescriptions. Even though she displays symptoms that should be seen by a doctor (according to 111, and the NHS symptom checker) We are both well educated, DH works in healthcare so we aren’t idiots who think a runny nose needs to be seen, each and every time there have been concerns with breathing, prolonged temperatures and clear as day chest infections etc.

She has been generally unwell with the same illness for the past 5 weeks, since being unwell isn’t abnormal for her we went away last weekend with some friends to a hot tub lodge campsite and were due to come back late Monday afternoon/early evening. On Sunday evening DD really took a turn for the worst, and was violently sick all night into Monday morning (early hours) she then failed the fluid challenge at 5am Monday morning so I called the GP. They were concerned as this is what happened last time she had RSV and required a hospital stay. They asked us to bring her in asap, I said we were away and it would take an hour to get to them, they had limited appts so offered us 10am.

DH was annoyed I hadn’t booked a later appt as he still wanted to go to the planned last morning breakfast with our friends. I said absolutely not, it’s like getting blood from a stone getting an appt for her and at this point it was too late. The appointment was made, it would take me ages to get through to change it (I tried and was caller number 48) and by the time I did there would be no appts left.

It was now 9 am so we needed to leave sharpish to get back in time.

On the way back DH was moaning about how hungry he was - I was too since we had been awake since midnight, but for me I care more about getting DD seen by the doctor than eating.

DH wanted to detour and get a McDonald’s breakfast. Doing so would have made us late and miss the appt, our GP is hot on lateness and if more than 5 mins late the appt is canceled (rightfully so imo) so I did get pretty heated and told him under no circumstances are we risking missing this appt for the sake of a McMuffin. I was hungry too and if anything was more hungry since he had a chocolate egg leftover from DDs Easter egg hunt at 5am!

DH then accused me of being a martyr.

AIBU to think this isn’t martyrdom but just being a half decent parent?

I must admit I have done it a bit when DD was younger, needlessly making myself suffer for nothing really. But I don’t think this is in the same league of not wanting to put her down for a nap to go to the toilet and then moaning about really needing the loo!

@Alphabetsouplover I’m sorry but your DH sounds like a selfish man. Yes people
get hungry but you need to grab something quickly before leaving inc car (banana, cereal bar from shop on way) and just get on with it. I’d be mortified if I was taking a sick child to GP and their dad didn’t come into the appointment as he was sitting eating in the waiting room after having food delivered to the GP!!! Who does that??

As for your hospital trip. Ideally you DH would have automatically thought to bring food to you knowing you waiting and couldn’t leave but you should have demanded asked him to bring you something to eat or come sit with DC for half hour so you could get food. No way should one parent be sitting 3am to 4pm the next day without anything when the other parent is around. It might be understandable if you had another child he was caring for but it doesn’t sound like you do and even then most DH would go in daytime hours with other child to ensure you ate. He’s selfish and you were being bit of a martyr (on that occasion not on the GP post holiday waiting for breakfast occasion that was normal parenting).

Also … gentle OP please do consider what some PP were trying to explain re the antibiotics and over medicating. They aren’t trying to be mean it’s a real and genuine worry for a small child be be having that many antibiotics and for them to be on stronger doses. Obviously none of us know medically if “needed” and they may well be but there can be a tendency amongst parents to need “meds” for children when they are sick rather than allowing their bodies to heal themselves. This is a general comment not your DD specifically as obviously don’t now ins and outs of her illnesses. Generally, there are parents who overmedicate eg giving calpol frequently etc. this can and does impact DC longer term health too. The fact that you and your DH have had 3/4 courses of antibiotics is also worrying. This is rare. Perhaps a run of bad luck but I’d be avoiding them as much as possible and trying built up gut health and immunity. I hope you DD gets well and you manage to give your DH a kick up the butt.

I am not going to consider uneducated posts dressed up like concern from people who have never seen my child let alone spent the time qualifying in the medical field

when your child is hooked up to a feeding tube because her lungs are so full of fluid she could die I don’t think many would be turning their nose up at medication advised to be used immediately otherwise she would need incubation.

I did make it clear that none of us know the ins and outs of your child’s health. Why would you e we are strangers online reading eh brief details you have provided. However, in GENERAL we all need to watch the overuse of antibiotics and there is no harm in posters mentioning that given that’s it’s quite rare for a 15 month old to have 6 doses, her DM 4 doses and her DF 3 doses of antibiotics in under half a year. That’s a hell of a lot of antibiotics. Could be a run of very bad health luck. Could be over use of powerful drugs. None of us know which. Your DC could be suffering gut issues form the antibiotics (even if they were needed they can still be the cause of her issues in tummy now which obviously can’t be helped if the were needed in hospital). If I was you I’d be focusing more on the selfishness of your DH which is surely what you were posting about anyway rather than being combative with any posters who query the level of antibiotic use.

Sorry I agree about the antibiotics although ANBU about the whole eating thing. The way you say the doctor has refused on occasions to prescribe them makes me think you are asking for them. Whenever I see the GP with my little ones if they say they are unsure if it’s viral or bacterial they will say it’s up to me if I have the antibiotics. I say no most of the time unless I’m sure it really is bad. It would be very easy to say yes each time or even to ask for them and be given them without being sure it’s actually a bacterial infection. I’m not saying your DD or you or your DH have never needed them, it sounds like she has been really poorly and definitely needed them at times. But between the three of you you have taken a very very high amount of antibiotics in a very short timeframe. If you’ve each genuinely had a bacterial infection each time that didn’t clear up without them then fair enough, but I think PPs are just trying to flag that overuse of antibiotics can be very dangerous and the country is tipping towards a crisis point with it.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/antibiotics/antibiotic-antimicrobial-resistance/