To think this is just being a parent - not being a martyr?

[Alphabetsouplover]

Right this has been annoying me for the past week and I need to get some perspective.

DD (15 months) has really suffered with illnesses since starting nursery at 11 months old. More than most (according to her room leader and all the other members of staff) we are on her 6th round of antibiotics in 5 months. She had 2 hospitalizations for RSV (different incidents of illness) and still hasn’t managed a whole week in nursery yet. In addition to this she suffers with chronic constipation and needs regular checks and medication reviews for that too.

Our GP practice is, as a whole, pretty good, but after the first few illnesses I definitely think we were tagged as ‘those’ parents and they don’t seem to be as proactive about seeing her or issuing prescriptions. Even though she displays symptoms that should be seen by a doctor (according to 111, and the NHS symptom checker) We are both well educated, DH works in healthcare so we aren’t idiots who think a runny nose needs to be seen, each and every time there have been concerns with breathing, prolonged temperatures and clear as day chest infections etc.

She has been generally unwell with the same illness for the past 5 weeks, since being unwell isn’t abnormal for her we went away last weekend with some friends to a hot tub lodge campsite and were due to come back late Monday afternoon/early evening. On Sunday evening DD really took a turn for the worst, and was violently sick all night into Monday morning (early hours) she then failed the fluid challenge at 5am Monday morning so I called the GP. They were concerned as this is what happened last time she had RSV and required a hospital stay. They asked us to bring her in asap, I said we were away and it would take an hour to get to them, they had limited appts so offered us 10am.

DH was annoyed I hadn’t booked a later appt as he still wanted to go to the planned last morning breakfast with our friends. I said absolutely not, it’s like getting blood from a stone getting an appt for her and at this point it was too late. The appointment was made, it would take me ages to get through to change it (I tried and was caller number 48) and by the time I did there would be no appts left.

It was now 9 am so we needed to leave sharpish to get back in time.

On the way back DH was moaning about how hungry he was - I was too since we had been awake since midnight, but for me I care more about getting DD seen by the doctor than eating.

DH wanted to detour and get a McDonald’s breakfast. Doing so would have made us late and miss the appt, our GP is hot on lateness and if more than 5 mins late the appt is canceled (rightfully so imo) so I did get pretty heated and told him under no circumstances are we risking missing this appt for the sake of a McMuffin. I was hungry too and if anything was more hungry since he had a chocolate egg leftover from DDs Easter egg hunt at 5am!

DH then accused me of being a martyr.

AIBU to think this isn’t martyrdom but just being a half decent parent?

I must admit I have done it a bit when DD was younger, needlessly making myself suffer for nothing really. But I don’t think this is in the same league of not wanting to put her down for a nap to go to the toilet and then moaning about really needing the loo!

Similar experiences of constant illness and infections here, included hospitalisations for pneumonia and croup, and dd also has suspected asthma. (Apparently the cradle cap she had as a baby was an indicator.) The inhalers have helped and I can also confirm that after 3-4 years old the sickliness eases off a lot.

Zero sympathy for your DH. Did 36 hours pregnant in hospital with my seriously ill 14 month old in HDU with nothing to eat at all. You do what you have to do when they are poorly. I’d be extremely embarrassed to have an Uber eats turn up at the GP for my DH. Can he really not survive a morning without food to prioritise his sick child?

Sorry your kid was being sick yet you still thought you'd make a breakfast reservation? 🤮
That's so gross YABMU on that basis alone - if youd considered how awful that is you'd have had a bite to eat, but obvs not worth missing an appointment for food.

Yanbu
If it makes you feel better my dd had surgery recently and obviously wasn't allowed food all day.

In the playroom of the children's ward a dad constantly moaned to his partner about how hungry he was. He told everyone he was off to find a bacon sandwich and loudly offered to get his wife one too. She was mortified. His own child was about 8 definitely understood what was going on. There were large signs everywhere reminding people not to bring food into the playroom as many of the children were nil by mouth. 10 minutes later he appears outside the room sandwich and coke in hand whilst the rest of us desperately tried to distract hungry children. It was unbelievable.

Oh my goodness! What an absolute cock

Why are men so pathetic?! I would have left him to find his own way home...

YANBU.

A grown adult can forgo breakfast (and many other meals). Nearly all of us eat too much (me included) and have plenty in reserve!!!

I said this in a pp but have you considered a childminder or nanny share? Less kids to mix with so she'll hopefully get less sick. Nursery does lead to the most sickness in young kids

It sounds like he might not think it is quite as serious as you do, but doesn’t have the courage to say so.

Yeah, all the CMs locally don’t have availability until Sept, we are down for one but it’s still a while away

I agree about using a childminder. Mine did and were very rarely unwell.

Do you have any family who can help out between now & September? Maybe reduce nursery to fewer days? DD must be worn out from catching everything going.

If you do end up in a similar hospital situation again I’d be asking my Dh when he is going to turn up with food and to take a shift? Or is it fine if you’re going hungry and totally unacceptable if he is because he’s special? Seriously he needs to do more active parenting here.

Honestly I believe you've messed with your child's immune system too much with all the medication and antibiotics. I've seen this happen with friends. Ironically I've noticed the more people intervene with their kids health the sicker their kids are. I'd give all the treatments a rest unless absolutely necessary and do some research about nutrition and gut bacteria replacement.

She only goes 3 days as it is so can’t really reduce more atm

I’ve messed with her immune system? By administering prescribed and necessary medications?

Give over you tool

So he didn't go in to see the doctor until he had eaten or did he not go into see them at all?

@Alphabetsouplover that poster is doing you a favour by telling you to slow down on the interventions. You can insult her all you like but ultimately if the antibiotics cause long term damage to your child then it is them you will have to answer to as an adult. They wont blame the doctor. they'll blame you.

If you take a sick child to a GP with a risk of infection its very difficult for the GP to refuse to treat them because they could be sued if something goes wrong. Then when you take into account that any negative side effects from antibiotics cant be held against them you'll see how they end up oversubscribing them - it's just the incentive structure at work. they'll also look at each visit individually on its own merits, and most likely wont take into account the combined downside of multiple rounds of antibiotics. As a parent you need to be able to see the big picture of her long term health and not just blindly follow their advice every time.

Even despite the aforementioned incentive structure it sounds like the doctors are pushing back because you're there too much. that is quite a strong indication that you are overdoing it.

BTW dairy can cause constipation sometimes. You could try removing that for a few days to see if it helps.

I made him sit outside if he was going to eat, felt it was a bit rude to eat whilst the doctor was trying to tell us things!

This is simply not true. There have been a few times where the doctors have refused to prescribe anything as they weren’t confident in the infections severity.

It’s also very difficult to issue legal action against a GP. Unless something seriously went wrong from misdiagnosis or lack of action.

of course they take it into account. It’s why for this illness they wanted to wait longer between doses. And now they go straight for a more powerful antibiotic instead of trying a lesser dose first (only to then need more later)

So much idiocy in one post, it’s almost funny to read

@Alphabetsouplover YANBU about your DH.

I thought I’d just post some words of encouragement. My DS was a healthy baby until about this age and then suffered with endless chest issues which may have been asthma or not. We ended up back and forth to the doctor so many times it was all completely exhausting.

He grew out of it. He was a rather clingy, sensitive toddler and younger child but grew into a happy confident and extremely healthy lad and young man.

I would never have believed it when we were at your stage. Hang in there.

Thank you for this! Yes it’s constant chest issues, never the odd cold it’s always bam straight to chest infection, bronchiolitis etc. and the coughing it’s non stop!

Im glad to hear it ends, as I was feeling a bit hopeless tbh

My youngest son was like this as a baby/toddler. It got to the point that he was admitted to hospital 7 times in one year when he was 2. He is now 7 years old, uses an inhaler as they believe he is asthmatic (has had one for years but they're holding off with an official diagnosis) and hasn't been to the gp/hospital for probably 18 months/2 years. He still picks up coughs and colds easier than his older brother, but he fights them off himself (sometimes needing a few days off school) and they are becoming less frequent as his immune system continues to strengthen. Sending you love as I know going through this is very difficult.

Did you read the OP’s post? If so you must have comprehension issues.

Dear god, bloody man-child. I would disown him.

Glad your little one is doing better. Genuine question though - are all these illnesses you mention not viral? Bronchilotis, chest infections etc? And her current illness what bacteria is it that is causing it?
It seems odd to me that you are being prescribed antibiotics so much.

I’ve got 4 young adult / teen kids now who all went to nursery and I think they maybe had max 3 courses of antibiotics each over their childhoods. One has childhood asthma and one seemed to have a cough for about 2 years so not some of these “never sick” kids.