To think this is just being a parent - not being a martyr?

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Right this has been annoying me for the past week and I need to get some perspective.

DD (15 months) has really suffered with illnesses since starting nursery at 11 months old. More than most (according to her room leader and all the other members of staff) we are on her 6th round of antibiotics in 5 months. She had 2 hospitalizations for RSV (different incidents of illness) and still hasn’t managed a whole week in nursery yet. In addition to this she suffers with chronic constipation and needs regular checks and medication reviews for that too.

Our GP practice is, as a whole, pretty good, but after the first few illnesses I definitely think we were tagged as ‘those’ parents and they don’t seem to be as proactive about seeing her or issuing prescriptions. Even though she displays symptoms that should be seen by a doctor (according to 111, and the NHS symptom checker) We are both well educated, DH works in healthcare so we aren’t idiots who think a runny nose needs to be seen, each and every time there have been concerns with breathing, prolonged temperatures and clear as day chest infections etc.

She has been generally unwell with the same illness for the past 5 weeks, since being unwell isn’t abnormal for her we went away last weekend with some friends to a hot tub lodge campsite and were due to come back late Monday afternoon/early evening. On Sunday evening DD really took a turn for the worst, and was violently sick all night into Monday morning (early hours) she then failed the fluid challenge at 5am Monday morning so I called the GP. They were concerned as this is what happened last time she had RSV and required a hospital stay. They asked us to bring her in asap, I said we were away and it would take an hour to get to them, they had limited appts so offered us 10am.

DH was annoyed I hadn’t booked a later appt as he still wanted to go to the planned last morning breakfast with our friends. I said absolutely not, it’s like getting blood from a stone getting an appt for her and at this point it was too late. The appointment was made, it would take me ages to get through to change it (I tried and was caller number 48) and by the time I did there would be no appts left.

It was now 9 am so we needed to leave sharpish to get back in time.

On the way back DH was moaning about how hungry he was - I was too since we had been awake since midnight, but for me I care more about getting DD seen by the doctor than eating.

DH wanted to detour and get a McDonald’s breakfast. Doing so would have made us late and miss the appt, our GP is hot on lateness and if more than 5 mins late the appt is canceled (rightfully so imo) so I did get pretty heated and told him under no circumstances are we risking missing this appt for the sake of a McMuffin. I was hungry too and if anything was more hungry since he had a chocolate egg leftover from DDs Easter egg hunt at 5am!

DH then accused me of being a martyr.

AIBU to think this isn’t martyrdom but just being a half decent parent?

I must admit I have done it a bit when DD was younger, needlessly making myself suffer for nothing really. But I don’t think this is in the same league of not wanting to put her down for a nap to go to the toilet and then moaning about really needing the loo!

Agree with you - your husband is being a bit pathetic.

Small piece of advice - both my kids went through phases of being poorly a lot and after a while I started storing food everywhere so I always had something. Coat pocket, changing bag, car, by the door, you name it - I had a handy snack.

Cereal bars were good - mainly because they keep for months and were small enough to live in my coat pocket. Apples were another favourite as I felt that they were really good for making me feel better. (Chocolate would quickly make me feel worse!)

OP, I know it’s not the point of your thread, but just wanted to say my DD was always ill. Always ENT; LOTS of tonsillitis especially — high, high temperatures, lots of GP & hospital visits — until she was about 3, then her immune system seemed to kick in and things improved. (She was also diagnosed as asthmatic and given an inhaler, which I saw you’d mentioned.) So I just wanted to say there is hope and it won’t always necessarily be like this…

Our GP practice is, as a whole, pretty good, but after the first few illnesses I definitely think we were tagged as ‘those’ parents

From everything you've said, it really sounds as though your DP is also tagging you as one of 'those' parents.

You'll find most men/dads are like this. It was my experience too. Useless and selfish, their needs trump all others.

Not a martyr. A really shit parent would still want to go out for breakfast with friends while their child is seriously ill.

DS is probe to seizures, I've spent hours in the hospital unable to wee eat or drink, your priority when your child is ill is getting them help, feeling a bit hungry or uncomfortable is irrelevant.

OP with all your illnesses I'd be getting the house checked top to bottom for hidden mould tbh. Not normal for your entire household to be so ill.

Oh, have a go bag with snacks, drinks, nappies, a phone charger ready to go too

YANBU - the appointment is fixed, his stomach can wait until after - an hour or two max for goodness sake.

I feel lightheaded when i am hungry and i dont think driving in this condition is a good idea , putting yourselves your dc and other road users at risk is very bright.

Your DH appears to lack emotional intelligence and common sense.

A poorly tot,his own child no less takes precedence over everything else;and is there a reason he couldn't grab some toast or cereal and eat before he left the house?

He is normally this selfish?

I'm totally on your side op.

OMG your Dh was being ridiculous - just keep a stash of Quaker Porridge Oat bars in the car’s glovebox. I wouldn’t dream of going to A&E without some emergency rations. Just get in habit of keeping the odd nutrigrain bar in handbag etc. Good luck with your little one.

How is DD now, OP?

Chronic constipation was the first sign of coeliac disease with my daughter. You can get blood tests for this.

You might not want to do this but could you look into a childminder or nanny? Less kids so less chance of sickness.

My brother was sick like this throughout our whole childhood - ended up with a permanently scarred throat from all the coughing. He's a healthy, strong etc adult now but my parents moved him to a smaller school and he got less illnesses.

If he would rather go to McD’s than be at your daughters doctors appointment on time, he really is a giant twat. Hope she’s ok.

YANBU to want to go straight there without eating and your DH is definitely BU to order Uber eats to the car park rather than waiting until after the appointment. But that is a hell of a lot of antibiotics for all of you not just your daughter, that seems very unusual for you all to need them that often, do you ask the GP for them or have they genuinely suggested them each time. I’ve never heard of the fluid challenge either. I do think YABU to bring up with him the time you spent in A&E without food, that seems a bit petty and like you’re keeping score. I’m sure someone could have brought you food during that time.

To take her to urgent care most likely, or for me to try and get the doctors to do a later appt

Unfortunately we aren’t in a position to lose one persons salary right now.

Thank you for this, I must admit it sounds pathetic but I do feel so hopeless sometimes with how unwell she has been, especially compounded by it causing issues at work due to having so much time off, and I’m getting all the illnesses mostly too.

parenthood has been a bit miserable so I’m glad there is a light at the end of the tunnel

DH is the one who calls most of the time so I doubt this to be the case. He agrees she needs to be seen, just can’t seem to make the leap to actually being somewhat helpful in making that happen 😩

Still poorly, but her current round of antibiotics have seemed to work. She has been given a more powerful variant apparently but I’m not questioning it as it’s doing the trick! I’m hoping she will be back to normal early this week!

yes someone could have brought me food in that time

DH

so I don’t think it’s petty to remind him some of us go far longer without food for DD than a few hours

Just for your info i find it handy tob have a grab bag ready with snacks crisps and drinks (suitable for us both) etc so if I have to rush son to hospital or even if I think Dr might send him.i just grab it and keeps me / us going if I can't access food and liquid.

The Uber eats gave me the ick! Just wait for 20 minutes 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️
my DD1 was given an inhaler for suspected asthma - also too young to diagnose, so I feel your pain. We don’t have as many illnesses as you seem to now she’s through her second winter at nursery, but when she does get a cold the cough will floor her for a good 6 weeks, it’s awful. Hope she’s feeling ok now and the GP was able to help! X

Thank you, after seeing all the comments on here about a bag I’ve put one together tonight that i will just keep in the boot from now on! At least my birth hospital bag now gets more uses!!