To think alot of women don't have their 'girl gang'?

[SlB09]

Doom scrolling through social media, got me thinking, do most women have a 'girl gang'? Or is this saved for those who remained in the place they grew up/got lucky/other reasons or dissipates as you get older?

I have I handful of close women friends I've made along the way, none remain from school. But they are separate friends so to speak, no 'girl gang' and I think I only know one or two other females who have this type of friendship group (I'm 40). Sometimes wish I had it and other times happy as I am.

What are your experiences?

I probably have 2 -one group of colleagues from an old job and another of uni friends. Wouldn't call them a "girl gang" though. I also have a mixed group of friends I've known since school and then a few individual friendships, male and female (from jobs, hobbies etc., 1 ex partner) who don't know the others. I think the sneering and snobbery towards what some people seem to think a "girl gang" is, is a bit mean and unnecessary, and,ironically, the sort of behaviour (childish, petty, bitchy) that they accuse girl-gang-members of apparently exhibiting.

I don't find my 2 "girl gang" groups any different in terms of what we do/talk about, level of intensity, bitchiness, or whatever than any other of my friendships.

I don't think most people could "be doing" with what you've described but am confused as to why you think this would automatically be the case? None of what you've said sounds like any friendship I've ever had.

I like being in my own company too...I've never considered that having friends mean I have to "constantly think or consider" them!

Nope, and dont ever want to be part of one! Like PP's have said they've often lived in the same place all their lives, are bitchy behind each others backs (I've heard them) and not true friends at all, competitive over stupid things (eg. Who gets engaged/married first (and the man in question is always dreadfully mediocre), who has kids first) and plus I can't stand groups of women in general- my worst nightmare is working in an office full of nattering females. They're always pissed off with each other for trivial things and can't think for themselves- you always have to consider "The Group". If you don't conform/agree, you're frozen out. Wwould want that?!

You explained it better than I did.

Wow, that's some misogynistic crap you're spouting there.

Nope.

I have separate friendships and a couple of friendship groups (male and female) but some of the people I have on SM (not close friends) post constantly about all their 'sistrens' and 'wifeys'.

It's from the rave scene in my case. Which I was part of in my teens and early 20s. I find it a bit cringe to talk about wifeys now we're all approaching middle age but hey, whatever makes people happy!

I have a group of female friends that I made friends with via reddit due date group (so babies born in the same month-ish) and we talk every day (we have a facebook group chat) and have done ever since Eurovision 6 years ago, though we've only all got together once in person.

I also have women I'm friendly with at school, its a male-dominated industry we're training for so there are only 5 of us in the class so naturally we are drawn to each other, have lunch with two of them every day, but school will end soon and we'll drift apart I'm sure, just send the occasionally whatsapp to see how each other is getting on. Which is a pity, because I've really enjoyed hanging out with other women every day.

I've never had a gang or felt that I really fit in with any particular group. From a teenager to now in my 30s, I've always had separate friends. I prefer one to one time with people rather than sitting chatting in a big group as I'm quiet and shy and i never know when to speak. There's been stages I'm my life I've had no friends, or rather friends that were distant, but I've certainly never had a big group of girlfriends.

Nope, no girl gang here. I had a small handful of female friends but one by one they've just dumped me for no good reason - in some cases for no reason whatsoever.

Thank you!

People who spout such weird nonsense about what they think "girl groups" (something that to normal people just means more than 2 friends who happen to be women!) consist of make it quite easy to understand why they aren't in one!

In real life, normal nice people are usually friends with other normal nice people. If it was a choice between having no friends or being part of a bitchy petty group then I'd prefer no friends too but fortunately those aren't the only 2 options. I have of course met bitchy unpleasant women throughout my life (as I've met unpleasant men) but I've just...not become friends with them and instead made friends with nice people who treat each other well. Not sure why this is such a weird concept.

But then MN is so weird about friendships - there are hundreds of threads bemoaning people are lonely and can't make friends but then equal amounts getting disproportionately irate at the idea of anything that involves actually spending time with people you know, like weddings, hen parties, baby showers, holidays, work parties etc....

I have had in my twenties and it was great fun but prior to this and after, I’ve just had the odd friend here and there - due probably to a mix of social anxiety, moving cities and not living in an area with similar enough people to me.

I'm not as close with the girls from school anymore (we are all late twenties to early thirties now), we're still in contact but we're spread out everywhere and each have a separate local 'girl gang' (not that we'd really use that phrase as such).

This is such a weird take. I'm sure some friendship groups aren't good but in my experience that's not the norm.

I have a group of close female friends, we've been friends for 24 years now where we met at university (all living miles from home) and we are now spread across the country. We meet a couple of times a year and are in close contact. These friends are like family. When my sister died suddenly when I was pregnant and husband out of the country one friend dropped everything (took unpaid leave and others had to pick up her childcare) so she could stay with me until he came back. I travelled 200 miles three times in about 9 days to look after children after my friend's mum died. I also had another friend stay for a fortnight when having a mental health crisis.

No bitching, no competition, just good friends who love each other and enjoy each other's company.

Did have a lovely girl gang right through primary and secondary school, as mums we all met regularly. The children then went different ways.

Covid has killed it off sadly. We really tried, face time, when locked up. But afterwards everyone's jobs had changed, some clinging on to avoid redundancy, some working from home. Our world shrank somehow.

It's sad 😭

I'm like you, I think. I have loads of acquaintances but almost no friends. However, I like my own company too (just as well!) so try to not ruminate on it too much. Gets me down sometimes though.

’Girl gangs’ make me think of people who call each other ‘hun’

Nope, I definitely don't. I'm too introverted to keep in touch with and emotionally invest in that many people. I have individual friends from different areas of my life and some small groups (former work colleagues, 'mum' friends) but I don't see them very often and certainly don't live in each others' pockets.

I’m part of a group of 8 friends - we’ve all known each other between 20 and 30 years. There are some closer friendships but we all get on really well, spend as much time as we can together (jobs/family/other commitments allowing) and dip in and out of WhatsApp most days. We live fairly close to each other (biggest distance is ten miles away) so it makes it possible to spend time together, be involved with each other’s kiddos etc.

I do think I’m very lucky but we all really care for each other and value the friendships and what we all bring to each other’s lives. I really, truly love them and am so glad to have them in my life after all this time.

I wouldn’t ever refer to us as a ‘girl gang’ though, I do think that’s quite a loaded term that people react quite strongly too - as evidenced on the thread! 😁

No gang here either. I recently moved back to my hometown after over 20 years away and I am feeling the loss of my two local groups of friends who I used to see two or three times a month for a chat. Neither were a gang, just like-minded people who happened to live near one another. I also have five close friends from university who I see once a year for a specific activity but won’t be able to do that any more either as it’s too far/expensive. It’s been almost a year now and I have not been out in the evening, not made a single proper friend (couple of nice people at work, but we all WFH so never see one another) or been able to reconnect in a meaningful way with anyone I knew from my schooldays - fair enough, they have spent 20+ years building their lives and friendships and I did the same at the other end of the country! But it is starting to worry me - I go to the gym, I have joined a walking/hiking group, I go to yoga classes and am going to try orienteering soon in an attempt to find some friends. It’s very difficult and a 40+ single woman is definitely not the norm amongst the people I grew up with here - let alone one with a teenage son who she has brought up alone. So I’m trying to come to terms with this monastic life where I speak to nobody but my teenager for days on end.

'Girl gang' certainly seems to conjour up some heightened responses!

It's lovely to hear so many of you have your groups and how they have come about. Life is so busy it's difficult to maintain these so kudos to those who do.

I also agree with others in that I find it exhausting keeping up with the people I do know in a meaningful way!!!

Just read it as shorthand for 'group of female friends' I think.

I've met my closet friends since having my daughter who is 2, before then I have friends but none are friends with each other so not a "gang"

I don’t either and it makes me sad. I have individual friends and also a couple of friends from secondary school who very occasionally meet up with me, but definitely no “gang” I can call on. Sometimes I see photos of women I know doing stuff with their actual friendship group and I wish I had the same. I think it’s easier when you still live in the place you grew up as you have your school group or college group. Those experiences as teens really bond you like nothing else. I moved after uni to the place I live now so I don’t have that school gang.

Also I’m crap at making and maintaining friends so partly my fault. I just never seem to “gel” with a group of women, there’s always one absolute bitch who doesn’t want me there.

I don't, not since school anyway.

Maybe it's a getting older thing, when you move away, get married or have a family. I have separate friends but they don't know each other!