To think alot of women don't have their 'girl gang'?

[SlB09]

Doom scrolling through social media, got me thinking, do most women have a 'girl gang'? Or is this saved for those who remained in the place they grew up/got lucky/other reasons or dissipates as you get older?

I have I handful of close women friends I've made along the way, none remain from school. But they are separate friends so to speak, no 'girl gang' and I think I only know one or two other females who have this type of friendship group (I'm 40). Sometimes wish I had it and other times happy as I am.

What are your experiences?

@Thepeopleversuswork I think they are quite overrated tbh and often the group obscures some problematic dynamics. Inevitably not everyone in the group will like everyone equally and there are always going to be frictions and internal differences which are harder to resolve. Over time most tend to splinter into smaller groups.

Completely this - I'm in a female friendship group and find the internal dynamics really hard work at times - there is this outward veneer of how we are all such great friends and have each others backs, but deeper down it is much more complicated, like any set of relationships. I find it quite hard work!

Girl gang?

@drawnfrommemory

Yep. I think it’s fine as long as people keep it in perspective and have their own friendships outside of the group. It’s not great to rely too heavily on them.

I've never really been into the whole 'going out with the girls' thing. I've had some insight because one of my best female friends has a group like this and has invited me out with them quite a few times, e.g. hen parties/ birthdays etc.

It's fine but it's just not my scene. I prefer to just hang out with a group of people not defined by gender, it feels more relaxed to me.

I have a few groups of friends but none are defined by gender.

I have a few friends that I would meet for coffee, walk or a meal out now and again, great for a good chat and catch-up.

I lost touch with all my uni friends, but we weren't that close anyway.

I don't have anyone I could go for a weekend away with. I do feel sad about it sometimes. My main socialising is with dp. I sometimes wonder who I would call on if I was in dire straits.

Looks like I’m in the minority. I wouldn’t say ‘girl gang’ because I’m a grown adult but yes a group of 12 girl friends from school. We meet regularly in smaller groups and plan ahead for whole group get together. The group chat is active nearly every day. It’s 20+ years since we left school and we’ve been through our whole lives together. Couldn’t imagine not having them.

I moved away but still have 3 very close friends from school. They are like family to me. I’ve got lots of other friends, I make friends easily and invest a lot in maintaining friendships but nothing is the same as my lifelong 40 odd year friendships

I definitely don't.

I think it’s hard when you move around as an adult and have small children to have a gang-not that I can be bothered with a gang. I will say though that I’m 43 and my children are growing up… female friendships are becoming more important to me. When you start down the perimenopause, change in life stage route, it’s extremely comforting to have female friends who are going through the same thing.

I do have my group and a very good gay male friend , and along with DH, they keep me going in this weird phase of life.

I have wondered if this is because everyone is working full time, people think time off needs to be 100% devoted to kids, and anything adult-centred is ‘selfish’.

I find it almost impossible to get any of my female friends to do anything at weekends. Even then it would definitely be with kids.

I also have (very young) kids and largely follow this pattern of behaviour - albeit, I suspect it must lead to madness eventually.

Also - none of us live very locally to each other, so there’s no ‘just popping round’ type stuff.

I am still close with 3 school friends, we live far apart but see each other a few times a year and have a group chat. I also am in a group of about 8 university friends (from 20 years ago) and we try and have child free weekends a couple of times a year.

There is no bitching behind backs, to be fair we're all too lazy for that shit.

No I don’t agree with that, close friends - whether life long or for a season - are as core to a person’s life as their family.

People you just socialise with are just acquaintances / people you are friendly with, they add a lot to life, but they aren’t the same thing.

A girl gang could be either category or both, obviously.

Is there a difference between a girl gang and a group of friends? Is a gang bigger than a group ? I have a group/gang of 5 friends that meet every week and WhatsApp most days. Does that count?

Yes I have three, local girls, ex uni girls and ex school. Consider myself very lucky.

I have a number of friends who I have met at different stages but have very few friends from school, or even uni. I feel like I only really found ‘my tribe’ in the past 5-10 years, probably as I became more comfortable in my own skin. I met many of my friends through a hobby. Feel very blessed with friends tbh, they are a fab group of women

No, I’m 51 and don’t have a ‘girl anything’. I have lots of female friends in different groups and individual friendships, but they’re from different parts of my life, geographically scattered, and don’t necessarily know one another.

I honestly think the focus on friendship groups comes from tv, film and fiction, but they’re there so much in these scenarios purely because they’re easier to write. Either one group is the focus of the plot (Friends) or they’re just background filler to flesh out a protagonist, in which case it’s easier to have one best friend or one stable group.

I think most women don't. I have enough dear friends and that's fine, no 'girl gang' though.

I wonder the same.

In fact, I know the answer is nobody; it's my birthday in a few weeks and I know nobody will acknowledge it past a text or a Facebook message. I never seem to make it past acquaintance' to 'person I want to carve out an hour or an evening for'.

I have a girl gang from church.

I'm not really a gang type of person.
I've never really had friendships tbh, even as a child, more convenienceships iyswim. Once the thing that required the interactions ended, I walked away. Eg school ending, leaving a job, moving areas.

I'm not good with people. It's a huge flaw.

Anyone who has good friendships with actually decent people - treasure them! You have something very special.

No my circle is very small. I see Holly and Emma Bunton in big girl groups. It must be nice though. Have def felt quite lonely in my 50s. It hasnt helped with one or two they weeks replying to messages. Cant be assed with it all now.. but I say could get bitchy perhaps with big groupings

I don’t keep in contact with school friends. I have a groups of 6 friends from my undergrad (female) and we meet for dinner often (used to be drinks and dancing, but now it’s drinks and dinner!), we go away for weekends too.

I have a mixed group from my post grad, 7 core but we do a lot with partners and children so there are quite a few of us now. Two of the women live close so I see them often, usually individually for drinks/dinner/theatre etc.

I have a few different sets of work friends I no longer work with, but have stayed in touch. One just three of us (me and 2 guys), we text a lot and we get on with each others partners and have all been away together. Another 2 guys of very different ages and we text daily. A group of mixed friends who we see a couple of times a year with partners. And I have two female friends who I meet up with individually (they don’t know each other). There aren’t many women in my industry so most of my work friends are male.

I have no experience of this and it sounds awful. I have never had a bestie either.

I do have friends who have been in my life at different points but I would find it stifling to be part of such a tight gang or have a bestie. To restrictive.

I find that people find my independence and ability to be alone weird to so it would probably repel this kind of friendship group/style anyway!

I do. I have a group of 6 of us who met through work around 15 years ago. We don't see each other all the time as life is busy. Meet every couple of months and go away once a year but WhatsApp group is always active. One of them I'd consider my closest friend. I also have a couple of old school friends plus a couple of other groups of less close friends.

I'm actually highly antisocial but somehow manage to pick friends up as I go along. No idea why but it's something I'm grateful for.

I would never have called it a 'girl gang' (sets my teeth on edge) but I suppose I had this in my early 20's. A group of 5 of us, we saw each other every day, knew everything about one another and totally lived in each others pockets. Looking back it wasn't entirely healthy. It was very co-dependent.

Now I have a couple of close female friends that I only really see one on one. I also have a group of friends from work (who happen to be women and gay men) that I go out with fairly regularly.
My 'best' friends are probably 2 other couples that DH and I have known for years, sometimes the women go out and do things without the men, sometimes the men go and do stuff without us but most often we all spend time together, either with or without our DC. They are the people I would call if something awful was to happen to DH/the DC and I know they'd be here like a shot, but we still don't feel the need to talk every day. I do think that kind of intense friendship where you live in each others pockets is often something people often don't have the time or energy for as they get older and have more responsibilities.