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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is exceptionally tight!

87 replies

seeitthroughmyeyes · 14/04/2024 10:18

Have a friend who has ALWAYS been tight with money.
Me and my other friend constantly, and I mean constantly buy rounds, food, cover her £2.50 if she's having a soft drink etc and she never ever offers to pay us back or even say THANK YOU, even if it's just £2.50, a thank you will still be appreciated.

I've bought her so many drinks/food in the past and in the 10 years I've known her, she has never returned the favour, I have to mention to her she owes me a drink! Then sometimes, she will buy it but it has to be asked for. Considering she still lives at home rent free at the ripe old age of 28, I have a mortgage, crippling bills but still offer to help others out, ALWAYS.
She saves over £600 a month, YES, £600 and will moan she doesn't have the money to do this or that as she hasn't budgeted for it. It's always a game of what can she afford and not afford.
I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable. Does anyone else have people like this?!

OP posts:
TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 14/04/2024 10:22

She is treating you like a mug.

Go to the bar and just tell her "I'll have a gin and tonic please". If she refuses and moans about money then buy yourself a drink and order her a glass of tap water and tell her you have a huge mortgage and cannot afford to pay for her drinks.

KimberleyClark · 14/04/2024 10:22

YANBU. She’s not only tight she is taking advantage of you!

coodawoodashooda · 14/04/2024 10:24

Just say you are skint and getting your own.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 14/04/2024 10:24

You need to stop paying for her drinks etc. She takes the piss because you let her.

LakieLady · 14/04/2024 10:25

Not any more, but I used to have a colleague who came to the pub most lunchtimes, always accepted drinks and never bought a round.

None of the others would ever challenge him on it, but one day I decided I'd had enough and said "Fred, I think it's your round, you haven't bought a drink all week." Unfortunately, he'd come out without his wallet, but I lent him £10* so he could get a round in. He paid me back, and I did this every time until he started buying a round regularly.

Try doing something similar - just tell her it's her turn to pay for the drinks or whatever.

*It was a long time ago, and beer was under £2 a pint!

MuscariFan · 14/04/2024 10:25

You’re not being generous - you’re being daft, and being taken advantage of.

missmollygreen · 14/04/2024 10:26

Nothing wrong with being careful with money. But you should NEVER expect friends to subsidise your lifestyle

1AngelicFruitCake · 14/04/2024 10:27

What are the situations? Ordering food I’m going to order x and I’ll tell them that we’re paying for our own or I’m paying for mine as soon as I’ve ordered.
in a pub - im
just getting myself a drink. If she asks for one say’ I’ve got into this bad habit where I always pay haven’t I? I’m just buying my own but if you want to get mine then yes I’ll have a x’
Repeat
What would she say if you don’t pay?

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 14/04/2024 10:28

Urgh I had a similar mate.. Would go on her online banking at the cafe then moan she only had £2.75...so I paid.. Without resentment.. 3 days a week, coffee here, lunch there.. Even her parking ticket.. She came to expect it.
Until the day she rocked up in a Mercedes convertible with private plate.. I backed away sharpish. Piss taker. The ultimate cf....
Have posted this before and got accused of lying.. It's a true tale. Haven't seen her for 8 years..

Francisflute · 14/04/2024 10:29

Why do you keep subbing her when she's ungrateful and can afford her own? Serious question, why are you doing it?

Sparklfairy · 14/04/2024 10:30

I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Well it only took you 10 years!!

Presumably she counts her £600/mth savings as part of her budget and has got into the thinking that this is non-negotiable. So really, by subsidising her when she socialises, you're actually putting money into her savings for her.

Just stop and say money is tight for you, and you can't afford to pay for two people on a night out.

Mindymomo · 14/04/2024 10:30

You need to be stronger, when you go into a bar, say I’ll have a gin and tonic, but just going to the loo. Either that or you all bring cash and each put £10 in a pot. We’ve known family members like this, I’m afraid we don’t let it happen. Meals are divided up, although we do take onboard if someone isn’t drinking alcohol, if anyone doesn’t want to do it that way, then we pay for our own meals. PS my DH is so soft, he’s the first to pay for drinks and can’t be bothered with the hassle, that’s why we never had money. We also have a friend who gets a calculator out when the bill arrives, DH can’t stand this and will go to the toilet and come back when it’s been sorted.

TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 14/04/2024 10:31

Reminds me of a date I went on with this guy.

He made me buy the first round and he ordered a very expensive cocktail.

On his round I ordered a large G&T but he bought be a small one then got himself a glass of tap water.

My round next and he orders another expensive cocktail...

Oh and then guess what - he didn't fancy another drink.

I half wondered if he was really struggling for money. I later found out from someone else he was just really tight! There was no second date!

TakeTheTime · 14/04/2024 10:32

Stop paying for everything for her, she’s taking the piss of you and you’re just letting her. Put your foot down.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/04/2024 10:34

I've bought her so many drinks/food in the past and in the 10 years I've known her, she has never returned the favour,

I don’t really understand why you don’t stop years ago??

Go into a pub-just buy your own drinks.

Eat at a cafe/restaurant-get the bill and tell the waiter you’ll be splitting it two ways.

Why would you carry on like this?

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 14/04/2024 10:43

YABU to continue this for 10 years. Stop now and if she still expects it, drop her as a friend.

MILTOBE · 14/04/2024 10:43

Why didn't you stop after the first night?

As for the cocktail guy, I have no words. He must have enjoyed his night all the more for knowing he was ripping you off.

Scarletttulips · 14/04/2024 10:49

£20 a month x 10 years is £2500!

Very generous!

We have a woman at work who does this to younger members of staff, forgets her bank card or it’s not working, there’s a block on it, hasn’t picked her fags up, if your going to the shop can you get me… and doesn’t pay.

I’m a bit more straight forward so I head her off with a ‘you owe me X’
I brought a young girl a cigarette case that holds 3 fags so she can’t sponge.

CF everywhere!

wellthisislovely · 14/04/2024 11:04

You and your other friend who pay for everything, both need to agree on a plan. So when you go out, you each queue up and pay for your own. Neither of you pay for third friend. I am sure she will miraculously find the money rather than sit there with nothing.

You will have to be tough but its the only way to stop her taking the piss.

WhiteLeopard · 14/04/2024 11:06

Just stop buying her stuff. Buy your own drinks and food, always. Don't pay for hers and then you won't need to "remind" her that she owes you a drink.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 14/04/2024 11:08

Stop inviting her out.

If she asks why she's not being invited just say you can't afford to pay for her anymore.

Coldupnorth87 · 14/04/2024 11:09

I'm tight & live with a tight bloke.

This is different, it's being an entitled user.

It's not fair.

WarshipRocinante · 14/04/2024 11:10

Stop inviting her out. Or only meet up in homes so it’s a cup of tea on the sofa. Or just buy your own from now on and leave her to sit with nothing or get something herself. You don’t need to do anything or have a bit discussion. Just a simple, “I’ve only brought enough to pay for myself.” And buy your own stuff.

Brefugee · 14/04/2024 11:11

10 years and you have never actually said "you owe me for x years of drinks"?

Stop being so soft, it's ridiculous

Cathbrownlow · 14/04/2024 11:12

I remember many years ago, one person in my friendship group was tight, too. Same kinds of scenarios as above. One night, we'd all had a couple of drinks and one friend turned on the tight one and really had a go at her, calling her a 'tightarse and skinflint' and a few other worse insults.

None of us saw the tight mate much after that. But she had deserved it. I was in awe of the friend for speaking up.