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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is exceptionally tight!

87 replies

seeitthroughmyeyes · 14/04/2024 10:18

Have a friend who has ALWAYS been tight with money.
Me and my other friend constantly, and I mean constantly buy rounds, food, cover her £2.50 if she's having a soft drink etc and she never ever offers to pay us back or even say THANK YOU, even if it's just £2.50, a thank you will still be appreciated.

I've bought her so many drinks/food in the past and in the 10 years I've known her, she has never returned the favour, I have to mention to her she owes me a drink! Then sometimes, she will buy it but it has to be asked for. Considering she still lives at home rent free at the ripe old age of 28, I have a mortgage, crippling bills but still offer to help others out, ALWAYS.
She saves over £600 a month, YES, £600 and will moan she doesn't have the money to do this or that as she hasn't budgeted for it. It's always a game of what can she afford and not afford.
I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable. Does anyone else have people like this?!

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 14/04/2024 11:12

Every day on here now there's a post from someone who lets their so called 'friends' trample all over them. Why? I just don't get it. Buy your own food and drink. If she can't afford it then she'll have to stay in.

IncompleteSenten · 14/04/2024 11:13

"Does anyone else have people like this?!"

No, because I don't lube myself up and let people shaft me.

At some point it becomes your own fault that people take the piss.

Jeezitneverends · 14/04/2024 11:15

Just stop allowing it to happen. You’re adding about £10 a month to her
£600 savings

pikkumyy77 · 14/04/2024 11:19

F

GrazingSheep · 14/04/2024 11:23

Another day - another MN doormat

MidnightPatrol · 14/04/2024 11:24

Yes I used to have a housemate / friend like this.

Would happily let me pay for things, if I gave them a fiver to buy a drink for me (showing my age…) they wouldn’t never give the change…

But, if they bought eg some hand soap for the housing they’d be agitating for my 25p share.

You just have to restructure your behaviour around them. It is boring though, I can see it would impact the relationship long term. Imagine a holiday with them - argh!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/04/2024 11:25

OP, if you make a doormat of yourself, especially a financial one, people are always going to wipe their stingy feet on you.

Time to tell her, time for you to pay your share. You can say it nicely, but make it crystal clear that That Is It! No excuses.

If she doesn’t like it, then quite frankly she can sod off and find another mug.

Mouse82 · 14/04/2024 11:36

" Does anyone else have people like this?!"

Nope and if i did I wouldn't let it go for 10 years.

Luluissleeping · 14/04/2024 11:42

GrazingSheep · 14/04/2024 11:23

Another day - another MN doormat

Yep.

TwirlyWhirlie · 14/04/2024 11:44

We used to have a couple friend like that. Used to being the operative words. It just got so annoying in the end that we just stopped talking to them as we felt used.

Oblomov24 · 14/04/2024 11:50

Why? Why on earth would you do this? Being tight is an extremely unattractive quality.

IjustbelieveinMe · 14/04/2024 11:59

I have a friend like this who doesn't contribute to parking. I drive to the beach most Sunday's with my dog and invited her along. I always pay for the parking, we always get a coffee too but she never ever offers to go halves on the parking or at least buy me a coffee. So I have stopped asking if she wants to come.

Alwaysalwayscold · 14/04/2024 12:49

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable

Wrong. You very much are unreasonable for doing this for 10 years instead of opening your mouth and saying something.

inthekyoo · 14/04/2024 12:55

This is your own fault, and your fault only.

Angelsrose · 14/04/2024 12:59

Stop this madness. Your friend can pay but won't. Don't put yourself into debt for her.

BeaLola · 14/04/2024 13:06

Just go out with the other friend who pays and no longer invite tight friend

kitsuneghost · 14/04/2024 13:16

I would be even harsher. Buy a round for you and paying friend snd nothing for CF friend. You and other friend can be in a kitty, CF friend can get her own.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/04/2024 13:17

Well there's one stupid person in this scenario...

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/04/2024 13:22

seeitthroughmyeyes · 14/04/2024 10:18

Have a friend who has ALWAYS been tight with money.
Me and my other friend constantly, and I mean constantly buy rounds, food, cover her £2.50 if she's having a soft drink etc and she never ever offers to pay us back or even say THANK YOU, even if it's just £2.50, a thank you will still be appreciated.

I've bought her so many drinks/food in the past and in the 10 years I've known her, she has never returned the favour, I have to mention to her she owes me a drink! Then sometimes, she will buy it but it has to be asked for. Considering she still lives at home rent free at the ripe old age of 28, I have a mortgage, crippling bills but still offer to help others out, ALWAYS.
She saves over £600 a month, YES, £600 and will moan she doesn't have the money to do this or that as she hasn't budgeted for it. It's always a game of what can she afford and not afford.
I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable. Does anyone else have people like this?!

Stop buying her drinks?

dudsville · 14/04/2024 13:26

You are getting angry at her for the way she's treating you, but you keep repeating your part in that dynamic.

Princessfluffy · 14/04/2024 13:50

Maybe drop this friend. It's disrespectful to financially exploit someone.

needsomewarmsunshine · 14/04/2024 13:54

She's been doing this the 10 years you've known her and yet you still let her get away with it?
She not a friend, just a cfer.

VivX · 14/04/2024 13:54

Good grief, how have you let this go on for 10 years!

I mean this gently - just stop being a mug.

Anyway, in answer to your question, "does anyone else have people like this?" No, because that's a ridiculous situation.

Fraaahnces · 14/04/2024 13:57

Just stop. Problem solved. If she asks, tell her that in the name of friendship, you have chosen to stop paying for her because you have decided to not allow yourself to become resentful.

LadyIrony · 14/04/2024 14:16

Sparklfairy · 14/04/2024 10:30

I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Well it only took you 10 years!!

Presumably she counts her £600/mth savings as part of her budget and has got into the thinking that this is non-negotiable. So really, by subsidising her when she socialises, you're actually putting money into her savings for her.

Just stop and say money is tight for you, and you can't afford to pay for two people on a night out.

I had a friend who was in tears as she was unable to buy groceries for her family (post relationship breakup, living in temp accom etc. Was getting back on her feet). Our friendship group (some also struggling financially) had a whip-round and pulled together £100 and I paid another £100 on top. We'd been paying for her coffees for months.

About half an hour later she got up and headed off to have a tattoo done - £250 quid. I think she'd budgeted in her head to allow for that, and then didn't have enough to feed her family.

Obviously I no longer do any financial favours for her.

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