Friend is exceptionally tight!

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

Have a friend who has ALWAYS been tight with money.
Me and my other friend constantly, and I mean constantly buy rounds, food, cover her £2.50 if she's having a soft drink etc and she never ever offers to pay us back or even say THANK YOU, even if it's just £2.50, a thank you will still be appreciated.

I've bought her so many drinks/food in the past and in the 10 years I've known her, she has never returned the favour, I have to mention to her she owes me a drink! Then sometimes, she will buy it but it has to be asked for. Considering she still lives at home rent free at the ripe old age of 28, I have a mortgage, crippling bills but still offer to help others out, ALWAYS.
She saves over £600 a month, YES, £600 and will moan she doesn't have the money to do this or that as she hasn't budgeted for it. It's always a game of what can she afford and not afford.
I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable. Does anyone else have people like this?!

Well more fool you OP!

People will only be able to use you if you allow it.

Umm...stop paying for her maybe 🤔

You're not being kind or generous, you're being an idiot. Stop it.

Stop buying her drinks and food? You have no one to blame here other than yourself, you're willingly being a mug!

I wouldn't go out with her Avon and would end the friendship - she is treating you like a mug. Being tight is very unattractive

I had so called friends like this but refused to subsidise them, so some of the friendships petered out very quickly but others continued with boundaries.

I believe in fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

So if I treated a friend to a coffee and she didn’t offer me next time, then I just paid for myself next time and make her pay for her own.

Stop trying to model generosity to skinflints, it doesn’t work. Pay for yourself.

You can also manage this by taking cash with you in the form of pound coins and fivers. That way you never pay a penny more than you owe.

I’m generally not quick to opt for in your face interaction but this one requires an ostensibly light-hearted: “ I think it’s x’s turn to buy a round. She always seems to manage to evade it.”

Then a Paddington hard stare.

Make sure you with other friends in advance that noone will step in to offer.

You're a mug. Just stop. Simple

Go out a lot as a group. Everyone just pays for themselves as some will just have a coffee, some will have a meal (we are usually meeting breakfast time), some will have a tea cake...it's never a problem and if it happens that someone forgot their wallet (rarely) they are always good to pay next time.
The only person I don't do this with is very generous so I know if I pay one time for lunch she'll pay the next, and she always pays for her wine as she knows she drinks twice as much as everyone else.
So next time, just tell the waitress that you want separate checks. Or tell your friend 'oh must be your turn to pay this time'. If she says no money then say 'me neither! I'll just order for myself then' and smile.

Well, YABU for enabling her to not pay her way.
You say this has been going on for 10 years
Why wouldn't you say 'Your round'. Or 'Are we splitting this 50:50 or each paying for what we've had?'

Just pay for your own stuff. Job done.

I don’t think this is her being tight with money it’s more just her taking the piss!

Her being tight would be suggesting cheaper activities for socialising because she’s saving money etc. or ordering a main course when you have a three course meal, whereas here it sounds like she just takes the piss and expects you to pay.

Why is this even a dilemma? You know the score and have done for the last 10 years 🤦🏻‍♀️ If you want the situation to change then change it. All you have to do is stop paying for her or ask her for the money back.

BTW this doesn't happen to me. I'm generous with my friends but I don't like being treated as a mug so I make sure I'm not. I'm not embarrassed to discuss how we are paying for things with my friends. It makes life easier and becomes normal.

It's down to you how you handle this. I'd go and get myself a drink and sit down. There's no need to go rounds at all. If she doesn't want to buy food/drink that's fine, she won't starve.

She's a CF but you are a mug. To get her to stop is actually easy, you simply stop inviting her to places. If she invites you then you call her out on it before you go. Tell her that she is unbelievably tight and you've been subsidising her for years and it's no longer OK. If she falls out with you then so be it.

I also have a friend like this, I've stopped going in rounds with her on nights out and buy my own drinks, taxis are a particular nightmare because she never carries cash!

She sounds like she hasn’t grown up and sees her money as pocket money to be preserved as savings while other people stump up for the boring stuff, she’s probably never parted with all her money to pay the bills. If you want someone to change their behaviour first change yours, just pay for your own or ask to have the bill split into three. If she doesn’t like it she can stay at home and count her money. I agree with @pootlin, don’t try and model generosity as she clearly has chosen to ignore gentle attempts.

I think most of us have known people like this, but not for ten years. You either retrain them or drop them.

It’s not just tight, it’s mean, my DH is tight as in he’d drink tap water in a restaurant for no other reason than it’s cheaper than a fizzy drink, but if someone bought him a drink he’d make sure to buy them one back.

Sorry to say that you are contributing to her behaviour by paying all the time. You’re actually letting her get away with it.

From now onwards start getting tough. Don’t step in and pay. When she hesitates to get her phone or card out , wait. Very few people go
out without their card or phone (Apple Pay etc).

I see so many posts like this on MN and the OP coming on to ask if she's BU.

The answer is almost always no, YANBU.

However, rather than come on and ask, if it's pissing you off, just stop. Totally stop doing it. It really isn't difficult.

You'll also then find out whether or not this person is a real friend.

I notice you mention she says she hasn’t ’budgeted for’ drinks, meals etc. So she does have the money, but just hasn’t allocated it for a night out… .

You do realise that in a year or two time, she’ll buy a house with a huge deposit as she’s been saving whilst living at home (and by you subsidising her lifestyle).

Hate meanness. My friend does it. Same in costa recently dithering near the till. I flew ahead lol. I know people say oh its only few euros thats not the point. I dont do cinema or things with her.

I have a tight friend. We don't do rounds! Pay individually wherever possible.
Also reminders of whose turn it is to give lifts.

Have you tried totting up the cost of drinks after the night out and asking her for a bank transfer to cover her share ??