To hate having someone lurk while I cook

[FusilliNom]

Why does my DH appear just at the trickiest bit of the cooking? What does he want? Is he trying to learn how to cook by watching (doubt it), or is he just trying to see how much longer it will be. I can't stand it.

No one has shouted. This is written words

Omg I was coming in this thread to say the exact same thing! He starts unpacking, huffing if he can’t get into a cupboard or drawer because I am stood in front of it and then he leaves a few random items ( like a grater or lemon juicer) on the side because he doesn’t know where they go! The kitchen has been the same for 9 years FFS! I have to REALLY hold my tongue… aaarrgghh he will then get humpy if I say can’t you just wait a bit?? I as m sure it’s a man thing too

Okay sorry, I though the etiquette was that posting in capital letters is like shouting.

DH always leave complicated things like tupperwear and baking trays on the side. They only fit in their place if correctly stacked. We've only lived here 8 years, he hasn't got to grips with it yet.

Or sometimes my DH will come in as I'm cooking g and give something a stir - drives me loco!!

Yes even I agree that stirring is a bridge too far! My eldest does this and gets told to bugger off!

My brother hates anyone being in his kitchen whilst he was cooking - it really stresses him out and he isn't shy about telling people to move to another space - though he says it with a smile you know he meant it! If he needed help he'd ask for it but, otherwise, stay out!

I'm happy to be given a job (peeling, chopping etc) out of his domain. 🌹

Yep, my DH does that too. When I turn around and glare at him, like >>> and say 'what are you doing?!' he says 'I just don't want it sticking to the bottom of the saucepan.' It's not GOING to you muppet, I know what I'm doing. I've been cooking our family meals for 95% of the past 30 years. Every. Fucking. DAY. (Except the 10-12 times a year we have a takeaway, or meal out!) I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of meals HE has cooked in that 30 years.

@SabreIsMyFave

It's not GOING to you muppet, I know what I'm doing. I've been cooking our family meals for 95% of the past 30 years. Every. Fucking. DAY. (Except the 10-12 times a year we have a takeaway, or meal out!) I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of meals HE has cooked in that 30 years.

Do you actually SAY this to him at the time? As clearly as this? I hope you do.

Maybe get a 'Woman at Work" sign - would he recognise/accept that? 🌹

images.app.goo.gl/JfpkgsaLkfWsAgCK9

No I don't say all that - but maybe I should! I could get a Woman At Work sign but I'm not sure he would take any notice ... I show annoyance and aggravation time and again when he 'pops in' when I am busy. And even though he skulks off like a wounded puppy, (when I tell him to get out of the kitchen/out of my way!) he still keeps doing it.

@Littlepixie75 - you're not imagining it, that shouty poster was really unpleasant and rude to you. After posting 8 paragraphs of dullness that no one cares about, too.

I agree. Can't stand it. Ditto having to chat to guests when cooking. One of my criteria when choosing my current home was a kitchen that was NOT a 'large sociable space to hang out and the heart of the home'. Go into the sitting room out of my way rather than perching on a bar stool gawping at me and expecting me to follow your conversation. When it's ready you'll be the first to know.

I like people in the kitchen when I’m cooking and my partner and kids are the same when they cook. Everyone seems to relax and talk about what they’re up to when there is food being prepared.

Had a dining kitchen once. Ex MIL used to go through the cupboards making lists of what she thought we needed. Complaining about the excess of pasta and dirth of potatoes. Then sit at the table watching as her DS and I made the meal, frequently critiquing and offering less than helpful suggestions.

Much happier being left to my own devices so that I can concentrate on what I'm doing. Would avoid a dining kitchen like the plague, it's not exactly relaxing to be looking at all the dirty pots. I want to enjoy my guest's company and kick back once the food's on the table and shut the door on the clearing and washing.

I hate this too. My husband is quite a foodie (he does more cooking and is really into it). I'm 14 years younger and in the early days of our relationship I was not great at cooking anything more than the basics. He would keep coming and interfering if I was trying something more challenging. I didn't mind some tips but the constant peering and poking really annoyed me, particularly after I had learned to cook to a decent standard.

I told him it annoyed me and he carried on. Eventually every time he came in and started "prowling" as I called it I would go in the living room and sit down and refuse to carry on until he left the kitchen. He then stopped.

We have a kitchen diner and I'm quite happy for him to sit in the diner bit and chat/ read the paper. He no longer ventures into the kitchen end.

Then we had kids and they are worse in a different way. Both of them do the blocking in front of the cutlery drawer and cupboards. Arrrggh! They also bring in clutter to "show" me and leave it dumped on the worktop in my way. Youngest always wants to "help" which makes everything take twice as long and twice as much mess. I'm always telling her to get off screens so I can't even refuse, I have to bite my tongue.

When we have guests we use our "posh" dining room, one of the main motivators is to keep people out of my way and hide the mess. However my mum and one of my best friends will also keep coming into the kitchen end to hinder "help" and it hugely stresses me out. My mum will start doing stuff without asking like washing up when I am minutes away from needing to drain something in the sink and ignoring the fact that We Have A Dishwasher. Aaaaarrraaarggghhh!!!

I am the same cant be bothered with anyone in my way disturbing me...or them asking me to move while they make a brew etc

A few years ago we knocked two rooms into one to make a larger kitchen.
I did the layout myself and the main thing was everything this side of the island was for cooking and the other side had kettle/coffee machine ,juice, glasses mugs and also a snack cupboard.

I thought treating the island like a shop counter was ideal and I love it

@5128gap · Today 13:13

I agree. Can't stand it. Ditto having to chat to guests when cooking. One of my criteria when choosing my current home was a kitchen that was NOT a 'large sociable space to hang out and the heart of the home'. Go into the sitting room out of my way rather than perching on a bar stool gawping at me and expecting me to follow your conversation. When it's ready you'll be the first to know.

LOL, this is just how I feel. If you want to hang about like a fucking fart in the kitchen, then come and cook dinner, and I will go and sit in the living room with my feet up watching TV. If you want to be in the kitchen SO much, then you do the cooking!!!

@honeylulu · Today 14:38

I hate this too. My husband is quite a foodie (he does more cooking and is really into it). I'm 14 years younger and in the early days of our relationship I was not great at cooking anything more than the basics. He would keep coming and interfering if I was trying something more challenging. I didn't mind some tips but the constant peering and poking really annoyed me, particularly after I had learned to cook to a decent standard.

I told him it annoyed me and he carried on. Eventually every time he came in and started "prowling" as I called it I would go in the living room and sit down and refuse to carry on until he left the kitchen. He then stopped.

Good for you. This would have got on my nerves too. Poking his nose in and peering at you trying to cook. Like, get out, and sit the fuck down in the living room! I will TELL you when dinner is ready!

Why do men do this? Why?!?!! As I said before, I am surprised, but also really pleased that SO many posters on this thread think exactly the same as me. That it is ANNOYING when men come into the kitchen pestering us, and hanging around for fuck-all, mithering, and attention-seeking like a toddler!

And also, as I said before, I don't think our men would like it if we appeared at their workplace, peering at them whilst they were trying to do their job, getting in their way, piss-arseing around, messing with stuff, and commenting on what they were doing, and just sitting there gawping. Bog off men!

Yes exactly that

So glad you all said this!! I hate what you call lurkers in the kitchen and find it very frustrating!' Phew am not alone!! 💕😹💕

I hate it too and have banned DH from wandering aimlessly around in the kitchen while I cook, especially just as I'm plating the food up! Why he does that I don't know. But I really wish we could afford somewhere with a separate kitchen. Open plan is just madness.

my mother used to do this and she was a bloody terrible cook so it really annoyed me that she would elbow in where she had no business

Don't mind conversation. Don't mind helpers. But my DH "helps" by doing the exact job I'm doing. If I'm stirring a pot, he starts stirring it. If I'm laying the table he starts laying the table. If I'm chopping some carrots he starts chopping some. Why???

Just pour me some wine or get out the fecking kitchen.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

When I was growing up we had a tiny kitchen but all had to help prepare meals, so for me it feels normal and cheerful to have other people showing up expecting to chop things, set out forks/knives/glasses, and so on.

My husband grew up in a "stay out of the kitchen" household (like most of yours, I suppose) so we've always had different assumptions about what's helpful. It's been eye-opening to read through these answers because most of you seem to have such a different perspective.

Even worse is 'spoonyfuckers' who can't resist stirring a pan that's been left simmering on the hob... 🤬🤬🤬🤬