To hate having someone lurk while I cook

[FusilliNom]

Why does my DH appear just at the trickiest bit of the cooking? What does he want? Is he trying to learn how to cook by watching (doubt it), or is he just trying to see how much longer it will be. I can't stand it.

The serving hatch was underrated

Dh does this occasionally…but he is my sous chef (I get so bored with grating/zesting/chopping) so I tolerate it for a bit. If he starts messing with the pans, stirring or trying to change the temperature? He’s banished (after he’s done what I need him to do, obviously 🤣🤣)

Ask him what he wants.

I like people in the kitchen whilst I’m cooking and I’ll sit in the kitchen when my partner or one of the kids are cooking. Often we all end up in there. It seems to get everyone chatting.

Found my tribe ! I practically live in my kitchen during the day . I love pottering about in it . I bimble about to my hearts content , watching my programmes , and faffing about chopping things and tidying up my shelves is actually my stress reliever , so when someone lurks ( or worse , offers to help ! ) it just upsets my rhythm, iyswim.

Worst of all is Christmas . I’ll cook for any number of guests , I don’t care . Leave me with a pile of vegetables , a bottle of sherry and Hercule Poirot’s Christmas on the tv planner , and I’m set . But please don’t keep me company ! DH once bodily removed MIL because he could see me getting twitchy 😂

Yes! It's my hiding spot. My time to be me.

I knew it would be your husband @FusilliNom My DH is a pain in the arse for hanging around like a fart while I am cooking/preparing our evening meal. I like to spend the 25-40 minutes in the kitchen alone, for the peace and me-time, with my MP3 on/headphones in, and don't want him coming in chatting and disturbing me, and making me get timings and and the like wrong!

I have told him to stay in the lounge as he is just getting in the way, but he looks all like >>> and acts all butthurt, like he is insulted by it. I say 'if you want to be in the kitchen, YOU come and do dinner!' He slopes off then like a scolded child! 😆

He doesn't do it as much as he used to, but when he does, it's annoying!

I think it's a man thing. My dh will have not come into the kitchen for hours then as soon as I got in to start cooking he'll start unstacking the dishwasher (that finished hours ago) getting right under my feet!

I walk away and go and sit down in the lounge until he gets out.

This - this is what people need - a big rope to keep people out of the kitchen when you’re cooking. Our kitchen/ dining room really lends itself to that as there’s an obviously demarcation between the two but you can easily talk between the two. It’s amazing how people think they need to get right under food when you’re cooking.

We tend to all gather in the kitchen when someone is cooking.

I know Mumsnet likes to dismiss them, but this is the whole reason we have an island in the kitchen.

DH, my parents, the kids (now they are young adults) and my friends can all park their asses on a seat at the island while I cook and stay THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY whilst keeping me company.

I love them for offering (those who do) but I move efficiently and like my cooking zone to be kept clear while I work. They can peel or chop as needed from the stools at the counter, we can drink and chat and laugh, but my food prep is unimpeded.

I can't stand the lurking with anyone except DH. I'd never have an open plan house because the idea of not being able to kick guests out of my kitchen while I'm cooking, gives me anxiety hives.

Why? Why does it happen?

I can't stand anyone in the kitchen when I cook , my DH is always wanting me to come and look at this random thing he's found on the internet - shopping, funny video, shit news story I'll have no interest in etc . Drives me mad I just want to cook in peace and watch something on my tablet or just think my own thoughts instead of his!

I don’t know really. It’s a nice space to sit in and food seems to get everyone chatting and being open in our family. It’s nice. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes!!! So much!!!

My dm had a lunch party many years ago now, with a large quantity of guests. Unfortunately, she also had a married couple staying the weekend, already there. The husband, already the most oblivious man on earth, sat in the kitchen while she was rushing around, telling her how to make homemade mayonnaise. I think dm nearly killed him with the paring knife to be honest.

We used to have a working one. It still exists but not as a hatch

I thought it was just me. DH is very good about washing up for me if I’m baking but when I am cooking supper I want to be left alone in the kitchen listening to a podcast. I feel as if he knows I can’t escape so he makes a point of coming in to talk to me.

Hands up if you just came here for the spoony fuckers references? 😄👋

I do have the answer to this. My husband used to try to be helpful and do things in the kitchen while I was cooking, like loading the dishwasher etc. I have quite a small kitchen and need to turn round and have access to drawers, sink, fridge and cooker unhindered. Now every time he comes in to the kitchen, I turn off the cooker, leave the kitchen and ask him to let me know when he is finished. He doesn’t do it so much now.
My husband does not cook but sometimes prepares veg etc and I like him to do it before I go in the kitchen as he is SO slow. If anyone thinks it is sexist that he doesn’t cook, there are jobs round the house that I don’t do, like the vacuuming.
I am glad that I am not alone in not wanting a big kitchen where everyone wanders about. I dislike when I go to someone’s house and we eat in the kitchen. I once came home after eating in a friend’s kitchen and my clothes and hair smelt of the cooking!

I don't mind dh or ds

It's just the guests who are distracting

I beg dh to take them in the front room for a drink

My DH comes along when I've given him the 'dinner in 5 mins' call - and starts washing up and tidying around me just as I'm at a crucial moment of finishing up etc.
And I can't complain because he's being so helpful!

It’s infuriating!

I just thought back to BIL watching me rush around cooking 20 buffet foods with different timings and asking me “what we were having, then?”

Inside I screamed “Use your fucking eyes ‘cos I can’t bloody list it all out for you right now!”

In real life I said “Lots of food!” in my cheeriest voice.

OMG this is my DH too. (And a few more DHs are like this according to this thread!!!) Not every day, but some days, I am 5-10 minutes into the 30-40 minutes it takes to do dinner, bopping along to what's on my MP3 player, and he just fucking APPEARS.

To get the knives and forks, or get himself a drink (both of these I can do/will do when the meal is nearly ready!)
OR...
To just piss around in the cupboards for something he has had ALL DAY to get!
OR ...
Like your DH @chattyness - to show me some meme or 'hilarious' video clip, or random thing he's found on the internet.

OR ...
To tell me the last 2 or 3 news items that were on the 6pm news. He comes in and spends 2-3 minutes telling me all about what he has just seen. (If I had wanted to watch the 6pm news. I would have it on on the TV in the kitchen!) And the 6pm news has EXACTLY the same news as the 1.30pm news had, AND the morning news. He just watches every single bloody news show/news bulletin that he possibly can. (ITV, BBC, and Channel 4!) Hardly anything changes throughout the day. Why does he need to watch all of the news shows???

Like you, I just want to wander into my own world for 30-40 minutes and be with my own thoughts rather than his. Why are so many men like this? It's like they can't be alone for more than 10 minutes.

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone touching food before it’s served, it’s grim. I can’t comprehend why anyone would do this. They’d have a fork in the back of their hand if I was cooking or serving food and they put their fingers or fork near it.