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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate having someone lurk while I cook

105 replies

FusilliNom · 13/04/2024 18:51

Why does my DH appear just at the trickiest bit of the cooking? What does he want? Is he trying to learn how to cook by watching (doubt it), or is he just trying to see how much longer it will be. I can't stand it.

OP posts:
ToWhitToWhoo · 14/04/2024 01:19

That's one of my pet hates too. I have co-ordination difficulties, which mean that (a) cooking, or even things like washing up, take all my concentration, and I can't chat or be sociable while doing them; (b) I admit that I am paranoid about people criticizing me for inefficiency in such tasks (I don't even mean fussy eaters and the like, but people criticizing me for slowness and insufficient multi-tasking). So please NO 'keeping me company in the kitchen': at best, it's very distracting, and at worst it makes me feel as though I'm flunking an exam.

Caerulea · 14/04/2024 02:19

Oooo no I don't like it when I'm at work, not bothered at home. Had a really difficult night in the kitchen (work) tonight & customers kept coming in rather than wait outside. It's only me in there so I have to do the food & entertain them while I'm trying to concentrate & already running behind.

MagnusCanis · 14/04/2024 02:42

suburburban · 13/04/2024 21:32

We used to have a working one. It still exists but not as a hatch

Well, now you have to tell us what its current purpose is?

suburburban · 14/04/2024 12:46

Sure it's a cupboard to hide things in like wine or mastic guns 😀False wall behind it

Devilsmommy · 14/04/2024 12:54

AhBiscuits · 13/04/2024 19:04

My DH's hobby is standing in front of cupboards I need to open or trying to clean the kitchen around me while I'm using it.
Just fuck off.

Ah yes, I've got one of these. Always in the fucking way😆😆😆

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/04/2024 12:55

The only acceptable company in a kitchen is a small child plonked on top of the chest freezer where they can chatter to you as you cook.

I do, however, think that sometimes the adults who make a beeline for the kitchen are unconsciously trying to replicate some of that comfort and connection.

Seeing as I trained dogs and cats to observe from a suitable distance (and height in respect of the cats), reinforcing it with bonus snacks each time they stayed out from under my feet, it didn't take me long to ensure that DP was no nearer than sitting on the stairs in my open plan kitchen - I don't think he quite realised being handed carrot sticks or a mixing bowl was training him, but he got the hang of it very quickly.

EmilyTheCriminal · 14/04/2024 12:56

pelotonaddiction · 13/04/2024 19:35

My dad does this when he visits
Open plan kitchen to living room. I'm cooking. Where does he stand?
In front of the cutlery/knife drawer Confused

My Dad does that too.

And when I once said 'why don't you go and sit down' he answered 'I like watching you cook'.

Aarrrggghhh!!!!!

NamelessNancy · 14/04/2024 13:10

Not only do the fuckers turn up to get under my feet the moment I start cooking they expect me to mute my podcast or audiobook to answer inane questions. Drives me nuts.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 14/04/2024 13:17

My dad comes in at crucial stages to ask what needs doing/supervise. He also wants the plates warming hours in advance. Last time DP intercepted him and ushered him away before I killed him

KimberleyClark · 14/04/2024 13:29

I agree. A “dining kitchen” would be my worst nightmare.

Emmerald · 14/04/2024 13:34

My DH will whisk food away to the table without a word, so I'm looking for the sauce to add to the chicken (for example) knowing I've made it earlier and need it to baste the food NOW and I'm looking high and low for it. He'll cheerfully ask "what have you lost?" Then when I say "the spicy sauce for the chicken" he'll say "oh I put it on the table out of your way" with a big aren't I a good boy grin. Then act hurt that I point out that I'm cooking with the sauce and say "I was only trying to helllllp" with a pouty lip.

Then he goes back to standing in front of the cupboard/drawer/worktop I need to get to next. 🙄

Just leave me be!! I can cook the meal and listen to my podcast etc while doing so!

justasking111 · 14/04/2024 13:39

Mine does this because he's itching to lob in extra herbs and spices because he thinks following the recipe exactly is for amateurs. He cooks with abandon. Our dogs enjoy some of his efforts because I just can't eat it. Last night's chicken schnitzel was tasteless, I braved what I could, chopped up the rest into the dog bowl.

When I'm cooking I darent leave the kitchen because he will add in stuff

justasking111 · 14/04/2024 13:57

Lunch just now sausage sandwich, on hand cut rye bread, first round of bread he burnt. So that's mine. Second round he was more careful so that's his.

Result I ate the sausages, dogs I quickly fed the toast to them whilst husband in kitchen faffing. 🙄

SabreIsMyFave · 14/04/2024 14:05

NamelessNancy · 14/04/2024 13:10

Not only do the fuckers turn up to get under my feet the moment I start cooking they expect me to mute my podcast or audiobook to answer inane questions. Drives me nuts.

My DH does this. As I said earlier in the thread, I like to tootle around/prepare food/cook etc whilst I have my music playing on my MP3 player. But then DH comes in 'for the knives and forks,' or the drinks, (which I would bring in with the food, so he doesn't need to come in!) Or he will come in for nothing, just to 'chat.' Or he will come in to show me some shitty unfunny 'meme' or 'joke' on his phone. Or he will come in to tell me about a news item he has just seen. He has got to come in for something. It's like a compulsion.

And when he does come in, he wants to 'chat.' Drives me batshit. I have started turning my back on him and ignoring him some days, and refusing to turn off my music. I just say (with my music playing in my ear) 'I cannot hear you, tell me when I come in with the food.' Some days he just stands there like a lemon, and points to his ears, and does a motion to suggest I pull my headphones out of my ear. I do it (reluctantly, whilst glaring at him) and say 'what?' Hmm

He then goes on to say 'I thought this would make you laugh...' Then he pulls his phone out of his pocket and shows me (for example) a piece of video footage on Twitter, that shows a cat getting sprayed by someone's hose, and jumping 10 feet in the air. It's not even funny, and I say 'why the fuck could you not have waited for me to come in. Was that so important that you had to disturb me?' He just says 'I thought you would appreciate it.' I say 'yeah well I don't. I am busy, and you're getting in my WAY!'

He says 'the kitchen is big enough for the 2 of us.' With THIS face >>Confused His brain cannot compute, that yes the kitchen is big enough for the 2 of us to be in there. BUT if he is hanging around like a fart, not only does he distract me, and disturb me whilst I am working, but I need to get to between 6 and 8 different parts of the kitchen in different places to do our dinner. (Wall cupboards, floor cupboards, utensils drawer, plate cupboard, spice rack, sink, fridge, freezer etc.) And he is in my way 50-60% of the time he is there!

He walks off disgruntled, and butthurt, because I show I am displeased. Yet a couple of days later, he does it all over again, as if nothing had happened/I hadn't been clearly pissed off with being disturbed. Batshit. Confused

Some days he doesn't do it, but he does it more often than not. A pp said they think our men do this because they want the 'connection.' Have the fucking CONNECTION when I am done cooking/doing dinner, and sitting in the dining room. NOT whilst I am working!!!

I can't imagine DH being too impressed if I came to his workplace, and started following him around when he was in the middle of trying to do his job, piss-arseing around, getting in his way, showing him 'funny' memes and jokes on my phone, and stopping him working to tell him something I saw on the news. I don't get why men do this. They're like attention-seeking toddlers!

I am SO please that it's not just me who gets pissed off with this. As I said, it looks like many womens husbands are the bloody same!

FusilliNom · 14/04/2024 14:10

SabreIsMyFave · 14/04/2024 14:05

My DH does this. As I said earlier in the thread, I like to tootle around/prepare food/cook etc whilst I have my music playing on my MP3 player. But then DH comes in 'for the knives and forks,' or the drinks, (which I would bring in with the food, so he doesn't need to come in!) Or he will come in for nothing, just to 'chat.' Or he will come in to show me some shitty unfunny 'meme' or 'joke' on his phone. Or he will come in to tell me about a news item he has just seen. He has got to come in for something. It's like a compulsion.

And when he does come in, he wants to 'chat.' Drives me batshit. I have started turning my back on him and ignoring him some days, and refusing to turn off my music. I just say (with my music playing in my ear) 'I cannot hear you, tell me when I come in with the food.' Some days he just stands there like a lemon, and points to his ears, and does a motion to suggest I pull my headphones out of my ear. I do it (reluctantly, whilst glaring at him) and say 'what?' Hmm

He then goes on to say 'I thought this would make you laugh...' Then he pulls his phone out of his pocket and shows me (for example) a piece of video footage on Twitter, that shows a cat getting sprayed by someone's hose, and jumping 10 feet in the air. It's not even funny, and I say 'why the fuck could you not have waited for me to come in. Was that so important that you had to disturb me?' He just says 'I thought you would appreciate it.' I say 'yeah well I don't. I am busy, and you're getting in my WAY!'

He says 'the kitchen is big enough for the 2 of us.' With THIS face >>Confused His brain cannot compute, that yes the kitchen is big enough for the 2 of us to be in there. BUT if he is hanging around like a fart, not only does he distract me, and disturb me whilst I am working, but I need to get to between 6 and 8 different parts of the kitchen in different places to do our dinner. (Wall cupboards, floor cupboards, utensils drawer, plate cupboard, spice rack, sink, fridge, freezer etc.) And he is in my way 50-60% of the time he is there!

He walks off disgruntled, and butthurt, because I show I am displeased. Yet a couple of days later, he does it all over again, as if nothing had happened/I hadn't been clearly pissed off with being disturbed. Batshit. Confused

Some days he doesn't do it, but he does it more often than not. A pp said they think our men do this because they want the 'connection.' Have the fucking CONNECTION when I am done cooking/doing dinner, and sitting in the dining room. NOT whilst I am working!!!

I can't imagine DH being too impressed if I came to his workplace, and started following him around when he was in the middle of trying to do his job, piss-arseing around, getting in his way, showing him 'funny' memes and jokes on my phone, and stopping him working to tell him something I saw on the news. I don't get why men do this. They're like attention-seeking toddlers!

I am SO please that it's not just me who gets pissed off with this. As I said, it looks like many womens husbands are the bloody same!

Oh my goodness me I feel heard. I've tried the earphones thing SO many times

OP posts:
FusilliNom · 14/04/2024 14:11

justasking111 · 14/04/2024 13:57

Lunch just now sausage sandwich, on hand cut rye bread, first round of bread he burnt. So that's mine. Second round he was more careful so that's his.

Result I ate the sausages, dogs I quickly fed the toast to them whilst husband in kitchen faffing. 🙄

HE GAVE YOU THE BURNT ONE?

To the bin with him

OP posts:
Littlepixie75 · 14/04/2024 14:18

Some of you sound very anti-social around this issue! Lots of people I know think it’s nice to have a bit of company while you prep/cook and not be stuck away in the kitchen on your own like a skivvy. People always like being in kitchens. I think it’s because it feels more relaxed/less formal.

FusilliNom · 14/04/2024 14:24

Littlepixie75 · 14/04/2024 14:18

Some of you sound very anti-social around this issue! Lots of people I know think it’s nice to have a bit of company while you prep/cook and not be stuck away in the kitchen on your own like a skivvy. People always like being in kitchens. I think it’s because it feels more relaxed/less formal.

Yes I'm antisocial. It's my introverts haven. My place to relax. I find cooking enjoyable when I'm left to it. It's like watching a film and having someone natter away through it

OP posts:
SabreIsMyFave · 14/04/2024 14:33

FusilliNom · 14/04/2024 14:10

Oh my goodness me I feel heard. I've tried the earphones thing SO many times

😆

suburburban · 14/04/2024 14:35

Littlepixie75 · 14/04/2024 14:18

Some of you sound very anti-social around this issue! Lots of people I know think it’s nice to have a bit of company while you prep/cook and not be stuck away in the kitchen on your own like a skivvy. People always like being in kitchens. I think it’s because it feels more relaxed/less formal.

I find it distracting and I don't want guests to see mess

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 14/04/2024 14:36

I can’t stand it when people and come in and…stir. Just fuck off.

SabreIsMyFave · 14/04/2024 14:40

Littlepixie75 · 14/04/2024 14:18

Some of you sound very anti-social around this issue! Lots of people I know think it’s nice to have a bit of company while you prep/cook and not be stuck away in the kitchen on your own like a skivvy. People always like being in kitchens. I think it’s because it feels more relaxed/less formal.

@Littlepixie75

NEWSFLASH!!!!!!!! People are different, and not everyone is like you. And what the F is wrong with being 'anti-social' anyway?

God, I bet you're one of those irksome individuals who keeps 'chatting' in the workplace, expecting everyone to drop what they're doing, to listen to your drivel. And I bet you strike up conversation with random strangers, and expect your desire to chat, to trump their desire for peace and quiet. URGH! Confused

justasking111 · 14/04/2024 14:44

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 14/04/2024 14:36

I can’t stand it when people and come in and…stir. Just fuck off.

And the tasting questions

"Did you add salt, pepper, worcestershire sauce, sage, thyme, celery salt, garlic?"add infinitum

"No, because it's not part of the bloody recipe!!!"

Littlepixie75 · 14/04/2024 15:19

Yes I know people are different. So I am putting a different point of view across. Not saying mine is the right one, just joining in on the debate if that’s okay!

Littlepixie75 · 14/04/2024 15:21

And I don’t think you need to shout and be so cross/rude when someone puts forward a different view.