To be a bit horrified by DHs suggestion that he works from home FT?

[Thecatisannoying]

I know I’ll probably get flamed but it’s awful.

You can’t just relax, constant one sided conversations, constant awareness of his presence, winding the children up by being in and out and out and in, no play dates, can’t do anything involving noise (so nothing basically)

I work three days a week. At the moment he wfh two days but five days a week no respite at all??

You aren't unreasonable to be concerned that he has unrealistic expectations regarding the levels of noise and that day to day household tasks still need to happen. Files will be moved off the table to eat lunch, the hoover will go round as needed etc.

If you haven't already, sit down and spell out to him that house things will not be adapted around him. Stop tip-toeing around on wfh as it's setting an expectation that this how the house will function 5 days per week.

YANBU, it's a nightmare.

In fairness mine never complains about me doing stuff round the house (I wfh too, but P/T) but I just find the fact that he's constantly here really stifling.

If I do a couple of hours work, then do some chores but sit down with a cup of tea, I feel like I can't relax.

I'll be glad when he retires because at least he will go out some days.

YANBU!

My DH works from home Monday to Friday and has his own office. But, just as you said, it’s his presence that makes it difficult.

I have got used to it, but sometimes I just long for a solitary day on my own…….

Don't they have offices at home? My dh has always worked from home but had a room he stays in!

I'm feeling this too. It's not that I don't like DH being around, and there are so many advantages to his being home all the time. It's just that I'm aware that it's a workplace now, so I can't vacuum when I notice it needing done. I put a wash on and he appears in the living room to set up making a video, "as there's noise in the kitchen". He's not complaining, he wouldn't, but... it's annoying that we don't have a place to close the door on the work side. I wish we had either a separate wing for working, or if he worked somewhere a few minutes away. He's always just HERE. All the TIME.

We do have a garden office but that's filled with machinery and components. Our garden room is filled with work projects and components. Our study is filled with computers, work projects and components and I feel like I could cry, because I'm so ashamed of how messy it looks with all the components and bits. I shouldn't complain as it keeps us all, but...

DH is either WFH or working overseas - it's about a 70/30 split. He does not have an office to go to, but we have allocated a room in our house to his office. I can sometimes hear him online if I'm home and he has a global role so often works until 8pm. I work full time outside the home.

I would much rather he didn't WFH (and we don't even have kids at home now) but it is what it is.

The problem isn’t with him being at home: the problem is with him working from home. It’s hard to fully explain the impact and some seem (and probably are) petty.

But I do feel pressured to be out of the house and to keep children quiet ish.

I think working at home for two days is a fair compromise but I genuinely don’t think five days at home would be good for him apart from anything else.

Imagine being this selfish.

But I do feel pressured to be out of the house and to keep children quiet ish.

Is that feeling from him, or you?

He's always just HERE. All the TIME.

I think this is how I feel about DH a lot of the time and that’s probably the source of a lot of things. People say to put him upstairs / in a garden office / noise cancelling headphones but it’s just he’s always HERE!

A bit of both. In fairness he isn’t unreasonable or anything but for example a few days ago we were leaving the house and I was trying to get DC1 ready and DC2 was screaming her head off and he appears ‘is everything okay?’ And I die a little 😅

Ditto felt like I was running a fucking cafe.
it totally changes the dynamic. Under no circumstances change your routine

My DH works from home full time, he doesn't have an office to go to but I am out every morning, all morning from 8:30(school drop off) until 12 when I finish work and come home with nursery aged DD.
He works in the front room so we don't disturb him nor he us.
If he's going to be WFH full time you need to insist on him using a specific space that not in the living area or kitchen area. He obviously needs his breaks but also needs to understand that you'll be carrying on with DC as you would if he wasn't there so playdates, TV, listening to music all carry on as normal.

You're really not unreasonable - it changes the entire dynamic. He needs to remember that it's your home first and foremost. If he wants to take it over and use part of it as an office, then that's fine, but he needs to bloody well stay in that office during the day and not make a nuisance of himself lol.

Don’t let him! It’s a relationship killer.

No matter how much I loved my partner being in the same house together 24/7 365 days a year sounds like absolute torture, no wonder marriages fail.

Why won’t he go in it? What a waste of money and resources.

I think you need a full and frank conversation about how disruptive it is in terms of noise/kids etc, and work out a compromise. Him WFH a couple of days a week seems reasonable to me.

I'd tell him that it's fine but he has to use the office, there will be no attempt to keep the children quiet, you will be playing music, doing activities, they will have friends round etc. It's a home not a workplace.

I so get this op. I was having a think recently about why my holidays from work aren't as good (I'm a teacher). I do think it's partly down to DH WFH three days a week. We are ok on the noise front as he works upstairs, but it's just the fact I feel like I should always then be doing something productive. When there are days when I want to lounge about or do some project without him commenting when he mosies downstairs. I kind of miss....freedom?

I make lunch when I fancy it and he did moan once about he had a call at two and he wouldn't have time if I didn't make it right then. I had to just say he could eat lunch when we had it or make his own to suit his schedule. It worked.

Sorry but I'm another one who's marriage ended when DH started working from home all week. It was so frustrating him being here but not being here. I was working out of the house but would come home and have to do all the housework, cooking, shopping etc. Knowing that he'd been at home all day but not even put a load of washing going or thrown the hoover around during a break pissed me off big time which caused huge resentment and arguments

Don't do it!!

That's on you though. DH wfh for the best part of 30 years, including with young children, one of whom is autistic. It was just how it was. One adapts. He did/ does have a separate room for it.

I'm struggling to imagine, but apparently there are some people who want their "partners" to just fuck off and pay for them to have the house to themselves all day every day. But you called it perfectly, selfish.

He needs a garden office if there isn't room in your house for a space that can be closed off with a lockable fire door to shut out noise.

This is all you need to say.

It's not selfish by the way, to feel as you do. From what you've written your husband has unrealistic expectations and isn't being a good 'housemate'. I work from home fluctuating between 3-5 days. You have to change your routine around the needs of everyone else and they need to flex for you to. You can't just expect it to replicate an office environment, because it never will.