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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do about this teacher

128 replies

Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 20:50

Hi,
what would you do in this situation? My daughter has struggled through high school, they think she has adhd but we don’t really have any issues with her at home. They say it’s because she’s a girl and that I and primary school have missed the signs.
anyway today I had a phone call from the school saying she’d had a bad day with a teacher and she needed to be collected right away, this was at 2.50pm her bus gets there at 3.30pm. I explained that I’d had to pick up her younger sibling from school this morning as he’d been sick and couldn’t leave my house with him. Her dad was over an hr away working also, anyway they did allow her to stay in the office and wait for her bus.
she arrived home absolutely distraught and sobbing saying this teacher had been really horrible to her. She accidentally spilt her water on the table and the teacher accused her of throwing it on purpose.
she was struggling with the work and asked for help, the teacher refused and then put her in isolation for not finishing the work which she couldn’t because she didn’t understand. This teacher also taught her brother and tells her all of the time he misbehaved and was horrible to teach, which I don’t know what has to do with DD And feel like she doesn’t like her because of her brother 🤦‍♀️
she then shouted at her that she didn’t want to see her on Monday and tried to suspend her after being in isolation for a while and taking her to the office for myself to be called!
i am worried it’s gcse year and she’s not learning anything 🤦‍♀️

I’ve had no correspondence from the school regarding suspension so I assume she’s not been. But AIBU to think this has been blown out of proportion? And the teacher should’ve helped her? 🙈

OP posts:
BCBird · 12/04/2024 20:54

Contact the school to.ask for clarification

Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 20:55

BCBird · 12/04/2024 20:54

Contact the school to.ask for clarification

I have tried and they’ve not got back to me yet but will get in touch on Monday to find out what exactly happened

OP posts:
Pantaloons99 · 12/04/2024 20:56

I'd call school first thing Monday. If you can get away I'd want a quick catch up face to face with them.

If they're flagging ADHD,they may have a point. They usually don't flag it up tbh so if they're saying it, it sounds like there are obvious things popping up in school.

You could ask the school, with the support of SEN to accommodate your daughter as someone who is ADHD. Unless you think it's absolutely out the question that she is. If they're highlighting it, then ask them what they can do to actually support your daughter's needs and prevent issues like today.
The school may have a totally different version of events.

A visit and catch up with them sounds sensible.

Greywitch2 · 12/04/2024 20:56

It all sounds a bit confused, to be honest. If she was put in isolation, then presumably the teacher continued to teach the class and your DD was removed. How did the teacher then apparently 'try to suspend her' after she'd been in isolation for a while? And who took her to the office?

I don't think you are getting the whole story from your DD here. Sounds like your DD was removed from the last class of the day, and then because you couldn't collect her she remained in the office (Odd. Surely she'd need to stay outside the school office?) until bus time.

She's then arrived home sobbing and demanding sympathy. Maybe wait until you get the full story before deciding 'the teacher should have helped her'.

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 12/04/2024 20:56

You need to find out what has happened. I’ve never worked in a school where a class teacher has the authority to put someone into isolation.

Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 20:58

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 12/04/2024 20:56

You need to find out what has happened. I’ve never worked in a school where a class teacher has the authority to put someone into isolation.

That’s interesting. It’s common at her school though they’re not allowed to call it isolation anymore

OP posts:
DavTen · 12/04/2024 20:58

You've really jumped from having no issues with her to her not learning anything.

It sounds like her behaviour was unacceptable, and that means you need to do something about that. It's never going to be your place to 'do' anything 'about the teacher'.

If you suspect ADHD, that's something to support with, but it doesn't sound like it would cause throwing of water or for someone to imagine it when it didn't happen.

Rubyrubyrubyrubee · 12/04/2024 20:58

They said she’d had a bad day - did anything else happen?

Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 20:59

Greywitch2 · 12/04/2024 20:56

It all sounds a bit confused, to be honest. If she was put in isolation, then presumably the teacher continued to teach the class and your DD was removed. How did the teacher then apparently 'try to suspend her' after she'd been in isolation for a while? And who took her to the office?

I don't think you are getting the whole story from your DD here. Sounds like your DD was removed from the last class of the day, and then because you couldn't collect her she remained in the office (Odd. Surely she'd need to stay outside the school office?) until bus time.

She's then arrived home sobbing and demanding sympathy. Maybe wait until you get the full story before deciding 'the teacher should have helped her'.

I’m confused and I can see there’s gaps in her story and I’ll call again Monday and hopefully set up a meeting with them
to resolve this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:00

DavTen · 12/04/2024 20:58

You've really jumped from having no issues with her to her not learning anything.

It sounds like her behaviour was unacceptable, and that means you need to do something about that. It's never going to be your place to 'do' anything 'about the teacher'.

If you suspect ADHD, that's something to support with, but it doesn't sound like it would cause throwing of water or for someone to imagine it when it didn't happen.

I meant she’s not learning anything because this teacher refuses to help her and this is the one and only lesson she has problems with at school, I wasn’t very clear!
snd I know she’s no Angel she gets very emotional very easily.

OP posts:
Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:01

Rubyrubyrubyrubee · 12/04/2024 20:58

They said she’d had a bad day - did anything else happen?

said she’d had a bad day but then said it was just the last two periods with this teacher who’d put her in isolation. It was just someone from the office who called. I’ve not spoken to the teacher

OP posts:
TomeTome · 12/04/2024 21:03

I agree you need to hear what happened from school. I’d call first thing on Monday and take it from there. I was hideously bullied at school by a teacher who now I’m an adult I see was WAY out of line. I believed what she said about me for many many years, so don’t assume dd is misunderstanding the intent, be her champion.

User79853257976 · 12/04/2024 21:04

Could she have been messing about and that’s why she didn’t understand? Also, could the water have been knocked over in silliness? There’s got to be more to it.

Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:04

Pantaloons99 · 12/04/2024 20:56

I'd call school first thing Monday. If you can get away I'd want a quick catch up face to face with them.

If they're flagging ADHD,they may have a point. They usually don't flag it up tbh so if they're saying it, it sounds like there are obvious things popping up in school.

You could ask the school, with the support of SEN to accommodate your daughter as someone who is ADHD. Unless you think it's absolutely out the question that she is. If they're highlighting it, then ask them what they can do to actually support your daughter's needs and prevent issues like today.
The school may have a totally different version of events.

A visit and catch up with them sounds sensible.

Edited

Not completely out of the question. The things she does are quite subtle at school, fidgeting, doodling on herself all day, not good eye contact. Just a few of the things they’ve noted. She also plays football but she’s passionate about that. So I suppose taht why the coaches have no issues with her at all either

OP posts:
Motherpro · 12/04/2024 21:05

'What would you do about this teacher?'

Well, nothing. Not until you've spoken to the school and the teacher and found out what has actually happened.

DavTen · 12/04/2024 21:06

Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:00

I meant she’s not learning anything because this teacher refuses to help her and this is the one and only lesson she has problems with at school, I wasn’t very clear!
snd I know she’s no Angel she gets very emotional very easily.

Show quote history

You need to speak to the teacher in question and find out what's happening in the lessons.

If the class teacher is having to have your DD removed, then your DD is probably stopping the learning of others and being disrespectful.

Children aren't isolated for failing to finish a piece of work or spilling some water. And teachers don't just refuse to help unless the behaviour of the child makes this impossible.

If someone supervising isolation is also seeing problems in her conduct, or the senior staff with authority to exclude have mentioned this in response to behaviour, the likelihood is that your DD's behaviour has been unacceptably extreme.

Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:07

User79853257976 · 12/04/2024 21:04

Could she have been messing about and that’s why she didn’t understand? Also, could the water have been knocked over in silliness? There’s got to be more to it.

She swore it was accidental, she’s very clumsy. She could’ve been messing around in lessons though. I think as PP says she believes this teacher hates her and isn’t nice to her but may have a different perspective when she’s olderz

OP posts:
stonkytonk11 · 12/04/2024 21:07

Sounds like there is not a good relationship between her and this teacher but I wouldn't assume it's down to the teacher being completely at fault! Best to get the whole story...

Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:09

DavTen · 12/04/2024 21:06

You need to speak to the teacher in question and find out what's happening in the lessons.

If the class teacher is having to have your DD removed, then your DD is probably stopping the learning of others and being disrespectful.

Children aren't isolated for failing to finish a piece of work or spilling some water. And teachers don't just refuse to help unless the behaviour of the child makes this impossible.

If someone supervising isolation is also seeing problems in her conduct, or the senior staff with authority to exclude have mentioned this in response to behaviour, the likelihood is that your DD's behaviour has been unacceptably extreme.

Show quote history

Thank you! I could be completely blindsided as to what’s going on! We all want to believe our children! She was just so distraught and has it in her head this teacher hates her

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 12/04/2024 21:09

What subject is this and is the teacher also part of the senior leadership team, or a head of year or similar?

Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:09

stonkytonk11 · 12/04/2024 21:07

Sounds like there is not a good relationship between her and this teacher but I wouldn't assume it's down to the teacher being completely at fault! Best to get the whole story...

Absolutely 👍 I’ll be calling to arrange a meeting Monday morning

OP posts:
Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:10

fedupandstuck · 12/04/2024 21:09

What subject is this and is the teacher also part of the senior leadership team, or a head of year or similar?

She teaches English and yes she is a senior member of staff also.

OP posts:
Original poster
Samcj02 · 12/04/2024 21:11

stonkytonk11 · 12/04/2024 21:07

Sounds like there is not a good relationship between her and this teacher but I wouldn't assume it's down to the teacher being completely at fault! Best to get the whole story...

Will do! Definitely not a good relationship. It’s difficult I just want her to learn. She’s already struggling in English so much

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 12/04/2024 21:11

Personally I'd seek a meeting with her Head Of Year. Discuss what happened today/historically and from the information you get from that decide if you would like a restorative meeting for DD with said teacher or to request a move of class to try a different teacher. It's her GCSE's so important to get the right teacher for your child.

PaperDoIIs · 12/04/2024 21:12

Best thing to do is to find out the teacher's version. Once that happens you can assess the situation.

In the meantime have a chat with your daughter too. How does she find this subject? How did she find the teacher before this incident? Does she get distracted, chatting or doodling and not listening? So when she asks what she needs to do, the teacher already explained it 6 times and gave her 3 warnings?

Basically, I think the truth is somewhere in middle , which is why , if the school are suggesting ADHD it would be best to engage and see what support/adjustments can be put in place for her. For everyone's sake, especially hers.