What would you do about this teacher

[Samcj02]

Hi,
what would you do in this situation? My daughter has struggled through high school, they think she has adhd but we don’t really have any issues with her at home. They say it’s because she’s a girl and that I and primary school have missed the signs.
anyway today I had a phone call from the school saying she’d had a bad day with a teacher and she needed to be collected right away, this was at 2.50pm her bus gets there at 3.30pm. I explained that I’d had to pick up her younger sibling from school this morning as he’d been sick and couldn’t leave my house with him. Her dad was over an hr away working also, anyway they did allow her to stay in the office and wait for her bus.
she arrived home absolutely distraught and sobbing saying this teacher had been really horrible to her. She accidentally spilt her water on the table and the teacher accused her of throwing it on purpose.
she was struggling with the work and asked for help, the teacher refused and then put her in isolation for not finishing the work which she couldn’t because she didn’t understand. This teacher also taught her brother and tells her all of the time he misbehaved and was horrible to teach, which I don’t know what has to do with DD And feel like she doesn’t like her because of her brother 🤦‍♀️
she then shouted at her that she didn’t want to see her on Monday and tried to suspend her after being in isolation for a while and taking her to the office for myself to be called!
i am worried it’s gcse year and she’s not learning anything 🤦‍♀️

I’ve had no correspondence from the school regarding suspension so I assume she’s not been. But AIBU to think this has been blown out of proportion? And the teacher should’ve helped her? 🙈

Thank you! Yes I’m going to do exactly this! Obviously GCSE year we want the best outcome for her.

Go above the Teacher to the Union and explain the situation or Higher up staff at the School of its academy maybe there's a head that runs the operations department.

If anything bad has happened they'll know .

The headteacher should as well.

She finds the subject hard. She constantly doodles, messes with her hair and tehy say lacks concentration hence the adhd suggestion arising: which I have supported the school with a referral.

Please also don't be intimidated by her being high up within school/department. If you think a change of teacher is needed then push for this, I would imagine that her HOY should also already be aware of any issues so will most likely support you.

It's good that you are going to meet with school on Monday and discuss the issue. Your daughter may have given you the correct version. Or, there may be more to it. That's the first thing to clarify.

If I am honest, as secondary teacher, we would only ask a parent to collect a child early in extreme circumstances. If they could not go back into lessons, we may sit them with a member of SLT or pastoral staff. We have some very challenging pupils but very rarely have we asked parents to collect early - it really would only be if we had exhausted all other possible strategies/options. So, I am wondering if there is more to it, given you were rung to collect.

If the relationship between the teacher and your daughter has broken down, for whatever reason, I may be worth asking if your daughter could move classes - for everyone's benefit.

Best of luck on Monday.

Thank you! I will do! And hope her head of year is on board. To be honest she’s been very helpful with my daughter this academic year.

Meet with the teacher in question. The chances are your child Is lying to you. Teachers are generally very good at pretending to like even the most hateful children.

Thank you! I am
hoping to get the full version of events Monday!

Do you mean isolation which is ‘internal exclusion’ and for 1 to 3 days? Or do you mean sent to some kind of time out area for the rest of the lesson?

Honestly your daughter sounds like hard work for a teacher. She was at best misbehaving and at worst distracting others in their GCSE English class by throwing water. The teacher clearly thought that was a possibility even if your DD was not misbehaving That much This time. Your DD possibly didn't understand as she was drinking or something- teach her to drink/snack between classes and pay attention to the teacher. The teacher is understandably frustrated when she ask for a repeat or explanation when other children, also sitting GCSE's have valid questions and need support and they have been listening. Your DD needs to see she's part of a class that's taught and not always an individual.

Regarding the possible ADHD a meeting with the SENCO to discuss classroom support and strategies for your DD would of course be welcome by you both. And hopefully help your daughter to engage with lessons.

That's a good sign, a good HOY should be already thinking ahead in situations like this. A good teacher can engage even the most challenging students -not all the time but you have to pick your battles, jumping on behaviour instantly and on every occasion helps no-one.

A time out area

She finds the subject hard. She constantly doodles, messes with her hair and tehy say lacks concentration hence the adhd suggestion arising: which I have supported the school with a referral.

I apologise in advance for all the questions, I'm just trying to understand the situation better.

Is she getting any extra support if she's finding it hard? Have they put anything in place? For example print outs if she struggles with auditory information, or a tick sheet of the basic tasks she needs to do, or visuals etc.

What exactly is she struggling with? To keep focus, actually writing (that first sentence can be brutal for some kids), is the content too difficult? Is she in an "I can't do this"/ I'm stupid mind set" so better not do it /play the clown rather than prove them right? Would typing help? Does she "switch off" because the content is too difficult and she doesn't get it?

Is she capable of fidgeting(in an appropriate way -something you can discuss with the school)AND listening at the same time?

Lastly, what does she think might help/make things easier or better for her to learn?

Go above a teacher she hasn't even been able to speak with yet? And what "union"?

Just had a chat with her and she’s explained that she’d asked the teacher several times for help and she said she wouldn’t spoonfeed her so she didn’t complete the work hence why she was put in isolation 🤦‍♀️ I’ve also asked her about the water and she’s promised me she accidentally spilt it on her desk. I asked her to clarify this with me before I get in touch with the school. But the teacher thinks she done it on purpose. Getting to the suspension bit now!

This. That's not how it works.

That isn’t isolation. That’s away to diffuse the situation when the teacher has 29 other students to teacher. The only reason things would have them escalated with the class teacher would be if she had refused to go other wise she won’t have seen the teacher.

No problem! Any advice is welcome 😊
she struggles with retaining information mainly. It’s Macbeth and I think she struggles with the context of this also.

she gets nothing to support her, no. just a “time out” card if she needs to leave the room if she gets overwhelmed.

I’ve found out how it escalated now! Thanks everyone! So basically she’s opened up about what happened. This happened in period 4 when she was teaching English she then told DD that she needed to stay in “isolation” or intex as they call it now for her following lesson, my daughter got emotional at this point; saying she wanted to go to her next lesson. But she refused and said she had to stay in intex. This is how it escalated. I do expect my dd emotions got the better of her and she said the teacher then said she’d call me to collect her as dd kept telling her she shouldn’t be in there again as she needed to go to her lesson. Teacher said she was being rude

Even if she deliberately spilt the drink it’s not grounds to suspend her, the escalation seems completely out of normal.

Agree you need to find out what happened.

Also they need to meet her needs for her education diagnosed ADHD or not, it can take years for a diagnosis.

I’d be asking the HOY why she was refused help when she asked? your dd claimed verbally multiple times that she needed help with her course work and she was mocked “spoon feeding” and the teacher refused to help her.

A water bottle should be spill proof, then no spills can happen accidentally.

If she has a timeout card, it seems like she must have had some involvement with the SEN team at the school? I think you should ask for another meeting with them to clarify what support they think she needs and what she is actually getting. She doesn't need a diagnosis of ADHD for that to happen.

Is there any chance you can find and afford a tutor that specialises in SEN students to work through this with her?

Thank you! I’ve spoke to dd and put some additional information above the post! They sort of help out with some things! The newest one is they wnat her shipped off to college one day a week! She dropped history as she struggled and now instead helps the teachers with PE as it’s what she loves to do!

Thank you for this I was always under the impression- no diagnosis, no support! I’ll be in touch with SEN at school on Monday

Where would I find a sen tutor? How would I go about this?