Partner stayed in hotel last night instead of coming to me

[Picnickcake]

My partner and I have been together for 2 years and live around an hour away from each other.

Last night he went into town drinking and instead of coming back to mine, which is a 45 minute vs his home which is more 1.5 hours taxi ride away, he chose to spend twice the amount of money and stay in a hotel in town instead. He is going to head home from there this morning.

He rang me on his way to the hotel to tell me he wanted to reassure me that he’s not up to anything he shouldn’t be.

I feel furious at this. He’s rather spend money that he doesn’t really have on a hotel than come to me?! AIBU?

But you don't live together. Had you arranged that he would come to yours after his evening out, or are you just expecting him to come to yours?

Makes no sense. I would say he is lying. Unless it's a very new relationship and you haven't stayed with each other overnight yet..

So you are a 45 minute taxi ride away from town, and he stayed in the town he was in, so no 45 minute taxi ride ? Is that right?

I think you're being weird.

When I go out, it's about a 40min taxi ride home which is pretty expensive. I've started just getting a cheap hotel room instead because it saves me the hassle of trying to get a cab and waiting about. Plus I don't like being in a cab alone for that sort of distance. My husband has never once said or implied that it's odd.

He’d been out drinking, probably didn’t feel up to a 45 minute journey to yours. And he did contact you to let you know. Im not sure I would read too much into it.

He rang me on his way to the hotel to tell me he wanted to reassure me that he’s not up to anything he shouldn’t be.
Proof positive that he is.

yabu questioning this when you already know the answer. Why would someone want to pay money to stay in a hotel rather than go stay the night with their girlfriend……you KNOW the answer.

It doesn't really matter how the figures stack up. You don't live together and it's his money., unless it's a trust issue you don't want to admit to.

I'd be grateful not to be disturbed by a snoring drunk person rocking up late!

Also, why are you furious he spent money? Was it yours he spent? Are you saving together and therefore such expenditure is against any saving agreement you may have?

He had said he would stay at mine earlier in the week then didn’t mention it again and hardly communicated with me for a few days to focus on work. He is struggling financially so it seems excessive to spend so much on a hotel.

Would you really want a drunken man coming back to yours at x in the morning? I cant see the problem unless there is something else you're worried about. A 45 min taxi would cost a fortune where I am, not to say unpleasant if drunk, and why arr you worrying about his money and his spending... it sounds ott to me.

Tbh if he's struggling financially it's excessive to be going out drinking midweek surely, or spend money on a 45 min taxi or a hotel!

Tbh I'd rather spend a bit more ££ on a hotel and not sit in the back of a very expensive taxi for 45 mins after drinking, sounds horrific.

Did he spend your money on a room?

What he did sounds pretty sensible to me. Why spend 45mins in the back of a taxi with a belly full of beer when you can crash at a hotel for probably not a lot more money 🤷🏻‍♀️

Surely a 45 min taxi ride would cost close to the same as a cheap hotel.

If I was drunk & tired, I'd probably chose the hotel as well.

And it's his money to spend as he chooses. Why do you care?

The fact that he rang to 'reassure you' means either you have form for getting things out of proportion and over-reacting, or he's completely stupid and was effectively telling you he was up to something nefarious.

Next time ask to stay in the hotel with him and get a taxi home in the morning. See what he says! If he insists you go home without him and he stays alone, then he's definitely up to something.

Okay this is a fair point. I don’t know why I feel so sensitive about this to be honest.

“He rang me on his way to the hotel to tell me he wanted to reassure me that he’s not up to anything he shouldn’t be.”

Why would he say that? That’s very odd, is there trust issues between you both? If I’d been out drinking I’d much rather get a cheap hotel and crash instead of a 45 min drive. Do you drive?

I’m not travelling 45 min if I’m drunk.

Furious? Seems a bit extreme. Do you not trust him? You don’t live together and his money, his choice. Take a step back op.

a lot of taxi drivers would also be unhappy at a journey that long at that time with a drunk person in the back. Recipe for vom on the seats and being stuck 45 mins away with no fare to bring back.

We generally don’t make our best financial decisions when we’re tired and drunk. Was there a huge financial difference between a 45 minute taxi and a cheap hotel room?

The room probably cost less than a bloody taxi and you're the best part of an hour away.

What's the issue?

He’s done nothing wrong. You don’t live together, you’re not married, it’s his money . Unless you’re annoyed as he doesn’t do nice things with you because of lack of money then really it’s no problem and a bit controlling on your part. His life , his money. If you don’t trust him , that’s a separate issue. But let the grown adult man make his own choices !

Are you seeing it as a rejection? Or are you worried he’s been unfaithful?

The reassurance he gave you is really, really weird. It says to me that either he knew that you’d over react, or he knows you don’t trust him, or he’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing and is trying to convince you he’s not. Do you get angry with him if he doesn’t do what you perceive as the ‘right’ thing to do? Do you trust him?