Partner stayed in hotel last night instead of coming to me

[Picnickcake]

My partner and I have been together for 2 years and live around an hour away from each other.

Last night he went into town drinking and instead of coming back to mine, which is a 45 minute vs his home which is more 1.5 hours taxi ride away, he chose to spend twice the amount of money and stay in a hotel in town instead. He is going to head home from there this morning.

He rang me on his way to the hotel to tell me he wanted to reassure me that he’s not up to anything he shouldn’t be.

I feel furious at this. He’s rather spend money that he doesn’t really have on a hotel than come to me?! AIBU?

what?

Sounds sensible. 45 mins is a long way.

Did hs ask you if you wanted to stay at the hotel too @Picnickcake ?

Of course he bloody didn't. It was at the end of a drinky night 45 minutes away. What would she have done...teleported?

Probs just wanted to get his head down.

Sounds thoughtful and sensible to me - he doesn’t live with you and crashing with someone after drinking isn’t nice behaviour.
Why are you concerned about how he spends his own money?

He's also not your partner, you don't live with him? He can spend his money as he chooses. It was very nice of him to tell you.

There must have been some conversation between you about where he was going to stay before the phone call from the taxi.

Did he suggest you both stay at the hotel? That's what me and DH would have done when we were dating.

Did you get stroppy with him before you parted ways which is why he felt he needed to ring and reassure you?

I think i'd MUCH rather flop at a hotel than pay for a long taxi ride, when either way i've got another long taxi ride in the morning.

Sounds perfectly reasonable. Who the hell wants a 45 min taxi ride after a night of drinking?

The phone call to tell you he'd not been up to something seems slightly odd though, until you put it in context of him being in a controlling relationship where his partner is likely to kick off about him spending his own money and making his own decisions.

well didn't you ask him why he wasn't coming to yours??

He’s done nothing wrong, you don’t live together , it’s his money and a 45 minute taxi fare is roughly the same cost as a hotel for the night.

a 5 minute taxi fare where I live after midnight is £6! So I can only imagine what a
45 minute taxi fare is!

Don't be such a drama queen.

45 min in a taxi is a lot of money

We moved 45 minutes away and my DH still goes out often in our old town. Sometimes he takes a taxi home but mostly he stays with friends. He'd rather wake up at home but can't face the long ride when he's drunk and desperately wants to get in a bed.

Because the girlfriend was a 45 minute taxi ride away?? I don't know how much taxis are in the OP's area but in mine I could almost certainly get a Travelodge room for the same or less than a 45 minute taxi fare.

The hotel is a much more sensible idea than a 45 minute taxi ride and likely to be much cheaper especially considering it would likely also include a charge for cleaning.

I can't see why you're annoyed, he sounds like he made the most rational choice given the circumstances and let you know the plan had changed.

This

I'd rather my partner slept at a hotel than turning up late and drunk when I'm in bed.

Why would he spend 45 mins in a cab that has to be booked in advance and come back and disturb you, vs just crashing in a hotel when he's done with the evening.

We live together and I still preferred it if he stayed in a hotel/with a friend after drinking. Nothing worse than a smelly man crashing home after 3am, waking everyone up and keeping them up by his snoring. Yes, he would absolutely call me to say he is staying elsewhere - this is normal as he knows I would be worried if I woke up in the middle of the night and saw he wasn't home yet.
I am not concerned about him cheating. "Not up to anything he shouldn't be" would typically refer to him drinking way too much, loosing his temper or driving home while drunk.
Luckily, this level of drinking happens only about twice a year.

WAIT UP ! I read it wrong.

I read OP as 'we' went drinking in town, which was why i asked why you didn't both go to the hotel.

And it's why @pictoosh asked if OP should have teleported. Which i didn't understand 😂 (it's been a long week)

Soooooo - i still say better to go to a local hotel than a 45 min ride in a taxi to a house that's not your own. Before yet another taxi ride in the morning.

Maybe i can see better why OP was worried he'd been up to no good .... but if you trust him you trust him OP. One taxi ride shouldn't be enough to make you worry. Especially if he was sober enough to ring you from the taxi and reassure you. Who'd do that blind drunk with a one night stand next to you in a taxi ?!

Drunk, knackered, been busy at work all week and needs to work again the next morning. A 45 minute taxi ride, presumably staying up with you for longer, then having to get another 45 minute taxi back hungover for work in the morning? Sounds knackering. Had you offered to do the 1.5 hour round trip to get hom back to work the next day? I'd be in a hotel near work and sending an apology in this situation!

This is what I think. I'd appreciate not being woken up as well. I think you're unreasonable.

You sound like you're looking for an argument. Sometimes plans change and in this instance it really didn't affect you so I'm not sure why you're so bothered.

I live 45 minutes from an airport. A friend who lives here was quoted £100 for a taxi from the airport at 1 am.

His finances aren't really your business though. He can spend his money how he likes. Honestly you need to question your behaviour as it sounds very controlling. You don't live together so he has no commitment to go back to your house.