Who's right and who's wrong out of me and my husband?

[SallyMcCarthy]

I had major abdominal surgery 2 days ago (gall bladder removal, laparoscopic surgery), and I'm now recovering at home. Knowing I was going to be having the surgery, I booked my dog into Doggy Daycare for every day between now and 22 April. My dog, Fudge, absolutely adores going to daycare. It's a wonderful place and he loves romping around with the other dogs - it's his favourite thing to do. So, I thought: I'll book him in every day for four/five hours, so I'll be able to have a calm house to recover in, and he can be having fun at daycare. I assumed my husband would be willing to drive Fudge to and from the daycare facility. For context: my husband hates being 'stuck in the car'. He finds driving stressful, whereas I love it. Doggy Daycare is a 30 minute drive from our house. While I was in hospital, my husband messaged me and said, 'The traffic was really bad this morning when I was taking Fudge to daycare, so from tomorrow onwards, I'm not going to take him. I'll just look after him at home, it's fine -- I'll take him for walks two or three times a day.' Now, Fudge totally would be fine, but he'd also be a bit bored. His favourite fun is going to play with the other dogs. He has such a wonderful time. And I very much want to recover gently from my operation and ideally do some work too (I have a backlog waiting for me, once I have enough energy) and it would be so much harder for me if there were a bouncy bored dog in the house all day during this period. Another thing, for context, is that I am the sole breadwinner. I earn a lot of money, and my husband hasn't worked for about 15 years (he gave up his job to be at home with the kids because my job required constant travel in those days.)

So, I said to him, 'Listen, I really really want a quiet house so I can work, and for Fudge to go to daycare. Please, please will you drive him there and back while I recover? Just for maybe five days, and then I should be strong enough to drive him myself.' And my husband said no. He said he didn't mind having Fudge at home and would far rather that, and walk him several times, than take him to daycare with all the driving involved. And I just wanted Fudge to have the most fun possible, and for me to have the quiet time I craved too...so I ended up driving Fudge to and from daycare yesterday, the actual day after my abdominal surgery. And I drove him there again today, and will pick him up this afternoon - even though I feel tender and weak and barely recovered. Husband sees me doing this and still doesn't say, 'Look if it means that much to you, I'll drive him there and back.' Am I being unreasonable to think he should just have driven the dog to day care for the days I can't do it?

Yes all sahp must do as their over Lord/lady requests! He should be grateful of his place!

He has simply refused the take the dog.

Without discussing the matter.

You’re entitled.

You TOLD your husband at the very last minute. You should have asked him before booking it.

You EXPECTED him to spend two hours a day driving despite knowing he finds driving stressful. You should have discussed this with him.

Your DH has offered an alternative to keep the dog calm and you’re just being a martyr now.

Can the day care pick the dog up @SallyMcCarthy ?

Might I add, it's not 2 consecutive hours. The poor dear has to drive for 30 minutes one way, then back. Then again. Heaven's to Betsy, most people drive that far to work or to take the kiddies to school.

I skim read all the responses and decided to post my answer. Your husband is a lazy dick. Get in the car and take the doggy to doggy car! He's got nothing else to do but bludge of his wife. He's willing to be supported by you but not do this simple thing.

I'm sorry but I have no time for people (men, women or undecided) who expect others to support them and then won't do a simple favour in return.

If the dog has a doggy car surely that solves the problem?

Yes I would because he agreed prior to the OP’s surgery that he would do it.
And I can’t see anywhere where the OP said she demanded he took the dog. She asked, he said yes so she thought it was sorted.

You shouldn’t have driven, but it’s sad it’s taken you doing that for your husband to step up.

However, you know he hates driving.
Hes offered to walk dog x 3 as a compromise, but you’ve been a martyr taking him yourself- unsafe and unnecessary.

You should have just put the dog in kennels for a week then there would be less driving back and forth, does the doggy day care not offer over nights?

It seems a lot of hassle driving back and forth every day for a dog. I can see why he doesn’t want to do it, I’m guessing it’s costing quite a bit too?

These replies are missing the point. WE NEED A PICTURE OF FUDGE!

This is the most batshit post I've read on here for a while. 2hrs driving to take a dog to daycare he doesn't need to go to? So weird.

And? The dog doesn't need to go to daycare.

He has two adults at home with him - one of whom has said they'll take him for multiple walks a day.

I should say I mean generally. Not specifically in this instance.

Where does it say he "expected her to support him?"

In fact, OP says herself she needed him at home while she was away working

Most daycares offer pick up and drop off. Could you do this and pay bit extra for it?

You are being super unreasonable... no chance I'd be driving a dog to daycare to see its mates

You are right
LTB

You are mad driving the day after surgery.

You were also unreasonable to book the dog into daycare and expect your husband to do 2 hours of driving a day without wben speaking to him and asking him first.

Completely unfair. Throwing your salary around makes you sound like you think you own him.

Show him some respect and a) talk to him like an equal or b) work put and deal with the real problem.

I hope you feel better soon though.

This.
It's a dog, not your child.

Told my DH this and he said what a lazy sod OP should bomb him out.

If your husband agreed to this prior to your surgery then he shouldn't have went back on this understanding.

I also think it's pretty shit to watch you struggle to drive Fudge to doggy daycare but you really shouldn't be driving so soon. It takes a good 48hrs for some anaesthetics to wear off and you will have been advised that no driving or operating any heavy machinery for x amount of days (not suggesting you're a fork lift driver btw 😉)

Fudge (love the name, imagining a chocolate lab or a spaniel)

Yep leave him an mn will be on his side to get at LEAST 50% of all assets plus majority of any pension you have from working in the successful job you could never have managed on your own with out him there holding the household together.. won't they?
.

You work and provide for your DH financially while he does nothing, and he can’t even be bothered to do this for you?

I do think that it would be better for your DH to look after your dog while you hide in your room but the point is that he agreed to do it and he certainly shouldn’t have let you drive. That’s not what a loving partner does.

Yes, 100% agree! Husband is being a lazy, selfish dick.