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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is rude?

112 replies

anxiousmumy · 11/04/2024 12:58

Discussing my wedding with a hairdresser who is highlighting my hair, When I realise she knows a friend of mine who will be my maid of honour.
When I tell her said friend is my maid of honour, she says oh, you're brave. I'd make her wear a bag when she stands next to you.

Now friend IS stunning and I'm very much not, but it stung a little.
Am I being a snowflake or is this rude?

OP posts:
Theorangejuice · 11/04/2024 14:17

You're being a bit of a snowflake if you're plain and she's STUNNING. I'd let it go but I'm not particularly sensitive to stuff like this - you know, reality

neilyoungismyhero · 11/04/2024 14:18

It sounds like she was saying it more from the point of view of your stunning friend than meaning that you were unattractive..it just came out as rude, I expect she kicked herself after.
I once told someone that a super serum for eye wrinkles couldn't work miracles. I actually meant it from my point of view but presure I sounded rude. I didn't apologise because it would have been digging a bigger hole maybe.

betterangels · 11/04/2024 14:22

anxiousmumy · 11/04/2024 13:34

I am ugly, I don't need a hairdresser to point it out though :(

Find another hairdresser. You're supposed to feel good about your wedding prep. She upset you. Don't give her your time or money.

Haydenn · 11/04/2024 14:23

She needs to fuck right off. I wouldn’t use her again, spiteful cow.

No one looks at bridesmaids, sorry OP, but all eyes will be on you 😝being a bride is a funny thing-I’ve never seen an ugly one- the smug, super-happiness seems to shine through.

Mnetcurious · 11/04/2024 14:27

Seems like it was more of a comment on the friend being stunning rather than being about how you look in comparison so try not to take it personally.

mightydolphin · 11/04/2024 14:30

I imagine it is because she is/was the type of person that would put her bridesmaids in ugly dresses and only choose friends she considered less attractive. It's a reflection of her low self esteem and the fact that she wouldn't choose your friend as a bridesmaid.

plebbler · 11/04/2024 14:31

Wowza that's rude
She might be cringing now herself too though, probably didn't quite think before she spoke

Painauraison · 11/04/2024 14:39

Bye bye hairdresser 👋
That would make me feel awful!

ManchesterBeatrice · 11/04/2024 14:42

What a total bitch.

AspiringChatBot · 11/04/2024 14:48

Rude, tactless, and unprofessional, sure - also kind of icky to imply that your guests will be focused on your MOH's appearance rather than the occasion.

But please don't let it bother you too much on a personal level or cause you to feel insecure about your appearance. Her wording (Oh, you're brave", "I'd make her wear a bag...") makes it sound like she was visualising what it would be like for HER to have that "stunning" a friend as MOH, and assuming most people would be self conscious next to a generally acknowledged great beauty, rather than saying that you are unusually unattractive.

queenMab99 · 11/04/2024 14:48

It's obvious, as you chose her to be your maid of honour, that you are not bothered about such things. You see your own and other people's worth, in other qualities, not appearance. So why would you be offended.

PlasticOno · 11/04/2024 14:53

Theorangejuice · 11/04/2024 14:17

You're being a bit of a snowflake if you're plain and she's STUNNING. I'd let it go but I'm not particularly sensitive to stuff like this - you know, reality

No, she’s not. She may be well aware, objectively, that her friend is more conventionally attractive than she is, but a total stranger in the process of providing a service to the OP is being rude and officious in telling her she’s ‘brave’ to have her friend as MOH.

OP, bear in mind that people’s opinion of other people’s looks and their estimations of their own are often highly subjective. I regularly hear women admiring the looks of people who are nowhere near as good-looking as them, or wrecking their own existing good looks in favour of some plastic ideal.

One of my undergraduates, whom I last taught in December, came to see me yesterday, and was barely recognisable. In December, she was a pretty, fair-skinned, fair-haired girl, very delicate and natural-looking (slightly Baby Spice vibe, but not brash?). Yesterday she was wearing a dark fake tan, had had something done to her face (surely not Botox at 20, but something?), had gone bleached, and had giant lip-fillers. She said ( a propos of applying for something) that she ‘was proud of having done a lot of work on myself’, and I think she genuinely believed she’d ‘improved’ her looks, but objectively, she now looks like Janice from the Muppets.

My point being that some people can’t see either their own beauty, or other people’s, and some just have terrible taste.

To think this is rude?
penjil · 11/04/2024 14:57

I would have tried to embarrass the hairdresser and said "A bag? What do you mean?"

Then let her explain away ...😂😂😂

LadyKenya · 11/04/2024 15:00

That sounds like a foot in mouth moment. It would bother me tbh. Unless she performed miracles with my hair, then I would be looking for another hairdresser.

DrJoanAllenby · 11/04/2024 16:01

Seeing as you only just met her that's extremely uncalled for.

She doesn't know if you have any hang us about your appearance.

I would have replied, 'Well, I could ask her to step down and you could take her place HA HA HA HA HA!'

gettingbackonit23 · 11/04/2024 16:11

That’s so so rude. I’d send her a message and say I’d found a different hairdresser for the wedding who wasnt going to call you ugly.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 11/04/2024 16:14

Tatas · 11/04/2024 13:05

If you're close with your hairdresser then I'd take it as a friendly joke - like you say, your friend is stunning and normally brides can be concerned with being "upstaged". It's probably not the most tactical comment, but I've heard brides say similar themselves!

Thats the way i took it, it was a compliment to friend but not the OP, IMO

Sadly, too many people open mouth and spout... no manners, no thought for others feelings etc etc

gettingbackonit23 · 11/04/2024 16:14

daffodilesque · 11/04/2024 14:12

Definitely rude but perhaps kind of projection - she was maybe (clumsily) saying SHE'D want to wear a bag if standing next to your friend.

Although I’d expect her to then say “if it were me”. She instead said “you’re brave” which blatantly meant that the bridesmaid would look better than the bride. I’d be really pissed off.

Americano75 · 11/04/2024 16:35

I bet you're not in the least bit 'ugly' but I do know you'll look amazing on your big day.

AnxiousRabbit · 11/04/2024 16:37

Don't see it as rude
She was saying friend is VVVV good looking where as you, she and everyone else is just good looking

Underestimated4 · 13/04/2024 08:22

Thats really not appropriate, whether she meant it or not if you had insecurities on how you looked that would really be a painful lasting comment.

My wedding hairdresser who my MIL goes to told my MIL about me telling me daughter off on my wedding morning - btw the 5 year old decided she wanted to stand on the garden table for attention haha so yes I did shout for her to get down. Anyway she told my MIL how I ‘made her jump’ when I shouted. The fact they discussed me in a negative way and that shouldn’t have been repeated I never went back.

Isthisasgoodasitis · 13/04/2024 08:24

anxiousmumy · 11/04/2024 12:58

Discussing my wedding with a hairdresser who is highlighting my hair, When I realise she knows a friend of mine who will be my maid of honour.
When I tell her said friend is my maid of honour, she says oh, you're brave. I'd make her wear a bag when she stands next to you.

Now friend IS stunning and I'm very much not, but it stung a little.
Am I being a snowflake or is this rude?

Beyond rude it was a disgusting comment to make

Mummypie21 · 13/04/2024 08:29

I think the hairdresser said it without thinking rather than it being malicious. However, I would probably say 'why does she need to wear a bag?' to make her think.

shoppingshamed · 13/04/2024 08:34

Isthisasgoodasitis · 13/04/2024 08:24

Beyond rude it was a disgusting comment to make

It was a thoughtless comment made without considering the OPs feelings but in what way is it disgusting?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 13/04/2024 08:37

That’s really rude. Please don’t take it personally. I know I’d be overthinking a throwaway comment, that she is probably cringing every time she remembers saying it. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Wishing you many happy years together.