To be irritated by Asda card woman?

[ExitSandyman]

At our local Asda there is a woman who hangs around the cards - she’s ALWAYS there. She doesn’t seem to do much other than tidy up the shelves and bother customers. She wears a badge that’s says volunteer.

Anyway whenever you go down the cards aisle she will come over and ask if you need any help. No matter what your answer is, she will ask who you’re buying for and start pulling out cards that you might like.

I personally like to shop in peace. If I’m buying a card, I know the person I’m buying for and I know what kind of thing they’ll like.?having this woman pushing various cards into me is a distraction and an annoyance. Has anyone ever heard of these volunteers at Asda? Is it some kind of scheme? She’s been there well over a year. My heart sinks everytime I need a card and I see her stood there as she just won’t leave people alone.

and yeah I know people will say shop for cards elsewhere but I shouldn’t have to!

This was me I think, the response I got from one poster was that I was still an arsehole for insinuating I couldn’t stop and chat. Fucking bonkers. I can’t see how blaming my late return from lunch on a member of staff at Asda helping me pick a birthday card would hold up in a disciplinary meeting!

This is an interesting thread. Got to admit that I feel rather sorry for the OP - she says that she doesn’t need any help and gets ignored. I expect that she is polite to this woman, even if her heart does sink when she sees her. There are worse things than having a moan on MN.

My other thought was that the general population is really quite odd. I hope that they are not unpleasant to her. My Mum worked in a Sainsbury’s for a bit and there were some customers who got banned for being extremely unpleasant (to staff and other customers).

OP YANBU

I work for the supermarket in question (though not the branch the OP frequents, as we don't currently have any volunteers in our store) and I think that all the "Mean OP, how dare you not want to spend time talking to a volunteer with SEN" are missing the context that the volunteer is not a small child who needs to be coddled, they are a grown adult and should be treated as such, which includes getting feedback both good and bad regarding their work.

Yes there needs to be allowances made for any SEN/neurodivergence but that should be in the delivery of feedback, not that they should never be spoken to about their actions. "Someone needs to tell Mary to back off and leave customers alone as she was being really annoying and pissing me off when I was trying to buy my dog's best mate a birthday card" is not acceptable as it is in no way constructive, however "I love that Mary is so enthusiastic about her job but when she first asked if I needed help I said 'No thanks, not today' as I needed a sympathy card and didn't really want to get into a discussion about it. Despite this she continued talking at me/making suggestions/followed me down the aisle. In the end I felt too uncomfortable to continue browsing so left without the card I wanted to buy. This is not the first time I have had this happen with Mary and it makes me avoid the aisle when I see her there, so I have started to go elsewhere for cards/stationery to avoid the uncomfortable situation." is perfectly acceptable as it clearly lets the company know that the issue is not Mary's presence in the store but her behaviour, and with a little bit of training and coaching the issue can be resolved pretty painlessly.

At the end of the day, someone working in a supermarket is making at least one customer uncomfortable by their behaviour - that needs to be addressed with the volunteer. That doesn't mean that they get disciplined or told off, but it could mean that they are given more training or support so that they can still do their job but also be aware that if a customer says "No thanks" when they offer help that they need to respect that and leave them alone.

Additionally it does the volunteer a disservice to let it go indefinitely because for every customer like the OP, who are uncomfortable but don't want to say anything so just shop elsewhere, there will be other shoppers who will, when the volunteer continually tries to engage with them even after they gave been told "no thanks", eventually either get aggressive or confrontational with the volunteer, which could lead to them being shaken up and upset or even physically assaulted.

I have seen rude customers start screaming at staff members over the most innocuous things - I myself have been smacked across the face because I dared speak to a couple who were stood at the checkout examining their receipt for 10+mins at 22:20 to remind them that the store had closed at 22:00 and asked them to leave so we could lock the doors - so it's not outside the realms of possibility that one day this volunteer annoys one of those customers to the point they end up being shouted at or even assaulted.

Don't get me wrong, in such cases the customer is 100% in the wrong, but having SEN/ND does not protect the volunteer from the consequences of any such confrontation, especially if said confrontation could have been avoided if the volunteer had been told "If a customer says 'No thanks' to your help then walk away and don't speak to them again unless they approach you first". If they can't do that without help/support then that help/support needs to be put in place and that will only happen if customers give feedback to the store so they are aware of it.

If you stop sending cards you will save a lot of time. I worked for one of the card companies, they were Horrible to work for, the pay was awful for what they expected you to do. The worst was though they didn’t recycle the cards! Every season I had to throw away so much paper it was ridiculous. They charge £3, 4, 5 for a card and the next day it’s thrown away.

Not sure you've understood the point of the post.

My local Asda doesn’t have this so I’m pleasantly surprised at this! I think it’s a fantastic idea and I doubt very much OP it would really take that much out of your time to say ‘ honestly I’m ok to pick myself but thanks for your help today’ even if you need to repeat yourself.

Manners and kindness cost nothing and there’s so little left of it in the world today.

YANBU. Some posters seem to think you should have to endure the annoyance simply because it's a SEN volunteer. SEN or not, it's not really a good look for ASDA if their volunteers are not listening to customers and annoying them. It's not ableist to want to shop in peace.

To the posters who think you should deal with it - There's other places where the volunteer would be more likely to receive the interaction they want. And it's not a busy supermarket full of stressed out people who just want to do their shopping in peace.

My initial feeling was that there's so much intolerance and although there's plenty of "It's great Asda have this scheme" there's also the "It's great Asda have this scheme, just as long as I don't have to be inconvenienced by it or anything else in life".

But, I agree with this, OP may be on here having a moan about it, and gritting her teeth when in the situation, but, there's those that won't and will verbally or even physically abuse someone - I've had it done to me and seen it done to others for less, and unfortunately those people tend to double down and get worse if they sense a 'weakness' (to them, I'm not saying ND or SEN individuals are weak) in the person they are targeting.

OP and others may well cut their losses and shop elsewhere, but she, and others, have shown that they don't think they should have to do that, and that attitude will be shared by others who believe that if somewhere doesn't suit you then the responsibility lies with that place to change, rather than just choosing somewhere else that does suit. It's an increasing and common attitude and unfortunately some customers aren't adverse to being aggressive in getting that point across. As much as it shouldn't happen, it does and it's (aggression )increasingly becoming a problem shown by some stores giving their staff body cams and other means of deterrent.

I think that Asda do need to be made aware of this issue because then they can take steps to ensure this lady isn't put in that position, and if no one has highlighted the issue, then they can't do that. It doesn't have to be in the form of a telling off or being harsh, but gentle guidance and teaching of boundaries.

So I do think that OP should say something, not so that she and others don't have to be inclusive but so that some support can be put in place to prevent a 'trigger' occurring somewhere along the line and the lady in question being subject to worse than a moany rant on mn.

I was OP ten years ago. I'd have done the raised eyebrow, probably would have asked about it on MN too. It would have made me annoyed.

Then I had a disabled child. You don't get better at spotting disabled people when you love a disabled person (I also have a diagnosed disability), you realise that you've been around disabled people your whole life without seeing them. You can never ever assume that someone a) doesn't understand or b) does understand the world as you see it. You can never assume that people can mentally and physically do the things that you can do. You go from living in black and white to glorious Technicolor.

You say you just want to get on with your shopping. It annoys you.

So what do you do about that?

Treat everybody with understanding and compassion. Stop and think 'What else could be going on here?' Maybe say 'Thank you but not today, I'm in a bit of a rush' or even just a smile and a 'No thank you'.

None of the above should take you longer than 3 seconds so I can't imagine it would inconvenience you much.

Forgot to add that the guy who does the checkout early mornings at my Sainsbury's went to my son's special school, and we always have a little chat about how my son is doing, how his day is and he loves telling which bits of my shopping are really tasty and which stuff he really hates. We chat away and he doesn't take longer than any other operative scanning, he just wants to have that bit of extra attention. Honestly sometimes it's the loveliest interaction I have all day.

One day I had a migraine brewing and only a few bits so I used the self scan, as I knew I didn't have it in me to chit chat. That was fine too. So if you really don't have the spoons then avoid that aisle I guess.

This . Also too busy to be bothered for 30 seconds in Asda but plenty of time to post on mumsnet about it

Oh now you're trampling on the feelings of the sanctimonious posters who get their kicks from talking to volunteers and berating anyone else who doesn't want to spend their shopping time patting shop staff on their heads. Perhaps the think they're doing their 'royal duty' or something? It's nauseating.

It all went quiet when talk of training and support was mentioned because that's not what the majority of posters on this thread want, they want an object of pity and they want one to vilify and froth at.

Treating people with respect doesn't mean patronising them. Giving somebody the tools to do their job well so that they can feel good about themselves is priceless; meaningless platitudes are not.

I don't disagree with your post but Asda has a duty to train this volunteer, to put in place the methods that will help. Those have already been mentioned - mentoring/shadowing experienced staff. That is a great resource and it would show any new employee how it's done. Nobody walks into a job knowing everything about it.

If that step has been missed then a really good scheme is placed in jeopardy. It is the responsibility of the employer to carry out risk assessments for all roles and where an employee or volunteer has SEN, it places even more importance on making sure that the person is comfortable and secure in that role.

It's not the customers who don't enjoy/appreciate the interaction who should be the concern, it's the customers who are not tolerant and who may become abusive.

The OP has already said that doesn’t work.

I totally agree, they do have a duty to train and support the volunteer(s) that may struggle with interactions like this to protect them and the scheme itself.

I just think the emphasis should be on the protection and support of what is likely to be a vulnerable person, rather than a customer not having to see the bigger picture and have a little bit of tolerance and understanding for people who need that bit of extra support in learning boundaries and social cues. People will likely say that it's 'Not the customers job or problem' but we're all people whether customers, staff or volunteers and isn't it just a human thing to do?

The effect will still hopefully be the same but the approach could be so different.

I agree with that, Hospitality, I think that most people are very much in favour of people with SEN being helped and assisted into the workplace. I wonder if sometimes it is a fear of doing/saying the wrong thing, causing upset that is a barrier to making contact? I mean, it's bog standard to respond to a statement about how awful the weather is, we generally know how to answer and the limitations of what's expected.

Supermarkets are a hotbed of stress really, busy, noisy, full of other customers and for most it's not a social arena. A thread was posted a little while ago about elderly and/or lonely customers wanting to chat at checkout. Understandably, many people want to zip in and out, they don't want to be held up. Posters were being called intolerant for not wanting to indulge chat - either directly or indirectly - but again, you have no idea a) what's going on in the time-pressed person's life and b) how long the chat is going to take and will it be possible to get away. Those are definite factors.

From my own experience of working with people with SEN it's not quite so easy to navigate every situation and where time is at a premium I can absolutely understand that shoppers want to get it and get out of the shop. It's the wrong format really. The best project I worked with was a group in a botanical gardens. It's not a high pressure environment, people don't call in when they're in a rush and it's just a different atmosphere, perfect in fact.

I think not enough has or is being done to understand barriers - not from anybody's point of view - and until that work is carried out, there will be an uneasy alliance and an 'underground' group of people who don't want to be involved.

Well you’re not an arsehole and I’m afraid people who think negatively of you have had a very lucky existence of clearly not working for an employer where they are very strict about timekeeping. What you’ve posted here was exactly what I was thinking. Sadly it wouldn’t hold up in a disciplinary meeting and equally sadly there are employers out there that would hold being a minute or two late back from lunch against an employee.

@melj1213 this was sadly the sort of thing I was thinking about with how volatile situations with customers can be in my first post on this thread. Hence why I’d also suggested OP gives feedback to the store because I also don’t feel this volunteer is being appropriately supported.

I’m sorry to read you’’ve been smacked across the face at work and I hope the police were called and those customers were banned. Years back I had a customer throw a cup of coffee at me. Thankfully it missed because that could have been painful. Customer on that occasion was just a plain horrible individual and completely reckless,

In my earlier post I’d mentioned about customers playing tricks on this volunteer in the card aisle. That’s still not nice but probably lower end of the scale compared to a customer losing their wrag with the volunteer, which based on our experiences is sadly a likely possibility. Something that could be avoided if this volunteer is coached/given feedback/supervised.

YANBU OP. The issue here is that the volunteer doesn't seem to have had any guidance, support or mentoring- which would include learning what to do if someone says no. This will only change if it's fed back to ASDA. Before someone bites the head off the obviously well meaning volunteer or worse. Not everyone has the time or inclination to chat longer than necessary in a shop. As long as they're polite in their dealings with staff, no one should have to apologise for this.

I've worked in retail and new staff - particularly anyone on their first job or just lacking a bit of confidence, would often spend a bit of time watching us and sort of learning what to do and say to help them get in the swing of it. We'd have quarterly staff meetings and they'd usually include some customer service discussion and skills chat / training. This was two fold; Shops need sales to survive so we had to get it right and the staff needed to feel resilient and empowered to deal with whoever came in. Including people- no doubt some of whom have posted on this thread lambasting OP- who had no problem tearing chunks out of shy, new to the work force 17 year olds who were still learning. And I worked in quite a "naice" shop for a very mumsnetty brand when people did this to my staff. Someone needs to run through some appropriate responses and reactions with the volunteer- for her own sake. Just as they should with any member of staff.

I'd use the example @melj1213 suggested, praising the work the volunteer does and her positive presence but highlighting your concern. If it were my store, I'd want to know. I couldn't fix it otherwise. If ASDA aren't able to accommodate this / don't have this in place as part of their practice around this scheme then they need to take a look at the scheme and perhaps make changes and improvements. It sounds like a lot of people get some great opportunities and get a lot out of it so hopefully they're properly supported in doing so.

This

It's not hard is it.

That. The volunteer is not being supported by the shop if she's not being monitored and trained in how and when to help.

I've spent a 40 years career teaching autistic and learning disabled people, and even I would be irritated by this volunteer repeatedly not taking no for an answer.

In an ideal world it would be possible for a customer to mention this and ask if the volunteer could be helped to interact more effectively. But as this thread demonstrates, it might not be taken well.

Someone needs to run through some appropriate responses and reactions with the volunteer- for her own sake. Just as they should with any member of staff.

Exactly

I'd also be concerned that if this volunteer can't/won't accept "No" and continues to try and help that they themselves might feel hurt or offended or like they did something wrong if someone blatantly ignores them after the initial "No thank you" and tries to pick their own card

It's not Safeguarding them at all

Agreed, just be polite.