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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have turned her away?

120 replies

Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 20:43

Friend and I were discussing an event that happened back in 1994, when we were 15 yrs old.

We were on a minibus full of teenagers coming home from a youth group week away. The journey home was 5 hours. Friend had vocalised for 30 mins that she needed the loo, and I could tell she was close to having an accident. There were no toilets we could see on the route and the youth leader driving didn't want to hunt around for loos. He just wanted to get us all home.

I persuaded the driver to pull into a residential road, as I was going to knock doors until someone let my friend use their loo. The first person I asked let us in straight away after I explained the situation. It was a man with young children. He happily let her pee in his downstairs loo, then we went back on the bus. I didn't even get his address to write a thank you card after the event.

Would you have let her in to use the loo?

YABU: I wouldn't let a teenage stranger in my house.

YANBU: If you gotta go, you gotta go. In you come teenager.

OP posts:
SpeedyDrama · 10/04/2024 21:40

This reply has been deleted

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HumphreysCorner · 10/04/2024 21:41

When I lived at mum and dad's an elderly man knocked at the door as he was desperate for the toilet and dad was decorating the bathroom but happily propped the door back up so the man could have a poo.

Original poster
Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 21:59

You've been on a minibus with a loo onboard before? You must be very posh @SpeedyDrama as I've never even seen one.

If you'd read the thread, you'd have seen a pit stop had been planned later in the journey. My (not recognised as disabled back then) disabled friend had an issue arise, which meant she needed to go sooner than had been planned for.

OP posts:
SpeedyDrama · 10/04/2024 22:10

Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 21:59

You've been on a minibus with a loo onboard before? You must be very posh @SpeedyDrama as I've never even seen one.

If you'd read the thread, you'd have seen a pit stop had been planned later in the journey. My (not recognised as disabled back then) disabled friend had an issue arise, which meant she needed to go sooner than had been planned for.

Maybe it’s my overly logical mind reading too much but:

Initially you said there were ‘no toilets on route’ and ‘the bus driver just wanted to get us home’ on a 5 hour journey.

You specify that your friend had been complaining about needing the toilet for 30 mins. We can assume this wasn’t 5 minutes after setting off from the place you were coming from. You said later (in contradiction to your opening post) that the driver had a planned stop for loo breaks but it was an hour away. But surely, from leaving the place, to the time your friend initially needed to go, to saying something, to being ‘desperate’ - the time frame doesn’t really make sense for a service station to still be another hour away.

Where was this area the mini bus was driving around anyway for 5 hours that was apparently nowhere near service stations or cafes/pubs but could stop on residential estates?

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 10/04/2024 22:12

Yes, I would, in fact I have. I live close to where a festival is held (not that one!). One year as traffic was queuing to get in, two young women knocked on the door, said their car had been stuck there for 20 mins and asked if it was walking distance to a pub. I said no, but they could use mine. They were very grateful, and as I closed the door as they left I heard one say "You wouldn't get that in London", which made me laugh as I'm originally from London.
I hope we can help each other without always being suspicious.

Original poster
Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 22:46

Yes, your "overly logical" mind has failed you @SpeedyDrama That much is clear by you asking about a loo on a minibus. Completely illogical and a basic mistake to make.🤣

There are no contradictions in my posts, except the ones you imagine are there and are reading between the lines to try to find.

OP posts:
Dramatic · 10/04/2024 22:48

kellion · 10/04/2024 20:52

No, I wouldn't have even answered the door.

If I desperately needed to wee I wouldn't have knocked on a stranger's door, I would have just weed behind a bush. I would have been a bit unimpressed with friend for needing the loo during a 5 hour journey anyway, I've been on 9 hour flights and not needed the loo.

"wouldn't be impressed?" What a strange thing to say.

SpeedyDrama · 10/04/2024 22:48

Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 22:46

Yes, your "overly logical" mind has failed you @SpeedyDrama That much is clear by you asking about a loo on a minibus. Completely illogical and a basic mistake to make.🤣

There are no contradictions in my posts, except the ones you imagine are there and are reading between the lines to try to find.

Sorry, maybe I should have said literal rather than logical.

You are dismissing my post quite vehemently, but haven’t actually answered anything. Where from and to was this bus driving that meant no service stops for 5 hours?

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 10/04/2024 22:50

Yes, without a second thought. Our downstairs loo is right next to the front door.

teoma · 10/04/2024 22:58

I personally find it strange an adult who’s in charge of youngsters wouldn’t think to stop at a gas station and would have to resort to a strangers bathroom.

PersonalityofaVacuum · 10/04/2024 23:00

It'd depend. If I could clearly see the youth club bus and it was clear what it was, then perhaps yes. But it would be because it caught me off guard. I'd have been wary and hung about making sure she went nowhere else but the loo.
If it were dark and I couldn't' see any such bus, no.

It wouldn't happen here as I live on a private road with no through route to anywhere!

Lucinda7 · 10/04/2024 23:10

My sister let a stranger use her toilet recently. Poor lady was desperate!

TheCheekyKob · 10/04/2024 23:10

No I wouldn’t let some random teenage kids in my house to use the loo.

You could be a thief for all I know.

FlowersInAFlowerBed · 10/04/2024 23:13

No I wouldn't have I would have been worried it was a scam. Pee in a bush 🤷‍♀️

RainIsCosy · 10/04/2024 23:21

No, I trust no-one who comes to the door that I don't know or haven't invited these days. Too many scams. I wouldn't let a stranger in to use my loo.

I do understand the 'when you need to go you need to go' as I sometimes experience that myself, but I would never knock on a door and ask to use their loo.

If the van driver could stop for a house, why couldn't they stop for a public toilet?

Original poster
Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 23:21

Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 21:09

The driver had planned in a loo break for the 5 hour trip @Sapphire387

The stop was over an hour away, which is why the problem needed solving.

Let your literal brain go back and re read this post already referred to @SpeedyDrama 🤦

OP posts:
HateMyNewJobSoMuch · 10/04/2024 23:30

This actually happened to me recently!

Door bell went, I answered, and a girl around 16 years old said she was desperate for the toilet and could I possibly let her in.

For context, I previously worked as a teacher for many years. I got a distinct vibe that she was genuine and not dangerous. I let her in and showed her to my downstairs toilet which is literally 2m from my front door.

However, I did quickly do a risk assessment in my head and decided that it was safe given that my partner and 2 sons (12 and 14) were in the living room (next to the downstairs toilet) so she would not be in a very good position to suddenly attack me or say I attacked her or such likes.

Also - there is literally nothing other than a hand towel, soap and toilet paper that could possibly be stolen from my downstairs toilet.

Deathbyfluffy · 10/04/2024 23:37

Dacadactyl · 10/04/2024 20:55

Yeah I would let her in if I could see the coach.

I've knocked on a door while out for a walk with the kids to ask someone to fill up a water bottle.

Edited

It seems a bit odd you’d ask someone else to fix your poor planning!

Mylittlepea · 10/04/2024 23:39

kellion · 10/04/2024 20:52

No, I wouldn't have even answered the door.

If I desperately needed to wee I wouldn't have knocked on a stranger's door, I would have just weed behind a bush. I would have been a bit unimpressed with friend for needing the loo during a 5 hour journey anyway, I've been on 9 hour flights and not needed the loo.

I think you need to drink more water! Who can hold a wee in for 9 hours ???

ExitSandyman · 10/04/2024 23:44

No, I would have assumed they were there to rob me

ExitSandyman · 10/04/2024 23:48

Dacadactyl · 10/04/2024 20:55

Yeah I would let her in if I could see the coach.

I've knocked on a door while out for a walk with the kids to ask someone to fill up a water bottle.

Edited

Glad it wasn’t my door you knocked on, how cheeky!

Original poster
Greatbritish · 10/04/2024 23:49

1994 friend and I thank you @HateMyNewJobSoMuch

I bet that girl was very grateful, so I thank you on her behalf too.

I imagine she was as desperate as my friend was!

OP posts:
RainIsCosy · 10/04/2024 23:58

Dacadactyl · 10/04/2024 20:55

Yeah I would let her in if I could see the coach.

I've knocked on a door while out for a walk with the kids to ask someone to fill up a water bottle.

Edited

You'd be welcome to use the outside tap on the front of my house. I once had a man come and ask for a drink. I felt bad saying no but I've seen too many crime shows and I was home alone. Shops to buy a bottle of water - ten minutes walk away. His poor planning is not my problem.

SkiingIsHeaven · 11/04/2024 00:02

I let the Amazon man in for a pee once. He was very grateful.

anon4net · 11/04/2024 00:05

We've moved so far from being trusting (sometimes sadly for good reason...) but I hope I'm still a person who would - esp if I could see the mini van!