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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stubborn MIL

103 replies

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 15:52

My mom in law normally has my son every Friday night for a sleepover, and my youngest DS on a weekday for a few hours.
A few weeks ago she had my youngest, and saw my eldest after school and said I'll see you Friday for our sleepover, bring your favourite toys we'll play before bedtime.
Friday comes along, MIL texts and says she can no longer have son as she has a party to go to...
I replied funny how all of the sudden last minute you have a party, and she said she only got invited the night before.
I replied with you only see my children when it's convenient for you, and she has a rant saying she is helping me out.
I don't see it like this, I see it as her seeing her grandsons.
AIBU that I haven't replied, baring in mind she hasn't even messaged me asking how they both are, when she hasn't seen them in 2 weeks.

OP posts:
Rickrolypoly · 10/04/2024 16:06

Wow you really have a messed up mentality. I really hope my kids don't end up married to someone like you. Your MIL had to change plans, it's disappointing for your son but he should be able to accept that and move on- as should you. You were incredibly rude to your MIL, not for the first time either I'd imagine.

Sparkle88K · 10/04/2024 16:06

She sees them both once & week & you have a go at her for wanting to go out for one Friday night....firstly you don't know how lucky you are & secondly you need to apologise to her. Poor woman.

AmyandPhilipfan · 10/04/2024 16:07

If you're not paying her and she is looking after your child without you there then yes, it is free childcare. It might not be childcare you need while you're at work or anything, but it is still free childcare.

AnotherForumUser · 10/04/2024 16:08

I understand it may be disappointing for your son but it is most certainly childcare-she is looking after your children. But if it's 'not free childcare' I suggest you stop paying her. I believe overnight childcare is quite pricy so you'll be saving yourself a fortune won't you? You can use the money to pay someone else to have your children. Simple! If you aren't paying her she is doing YOU a favour (even if it involves your children) so suck it up buttercup. Your MIL is not your slave.

Original poster
DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:08

Love the messages about I hope your son doesn't marry someone like me 😂😂😂.
You don't know me, this is literally a message about how my MIL let my son down with an empty promise 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:09

Just baffled by the responses tbh. I guess my mom wants to actually see my son's

OP posts:
Ineedcoffee2021 · 10/04/2024 16:10

Wow.....

Its free childcare
its one night
your DS will be fine

Moveoverdarlin · 10/04/2024 16:11

Fuck me, this is off the scale rude. She sees your kids all the time. A sleep over every Friday? I’d have given my left arm for this when my children were younger. She has your youngest a lot too!

I would send a message saying.

Sorry Jane, I acted like an idiot the other day. Of course you should have gone to the party. I don’t know why I reacted the way I did, think I’m just overtired, although that’s not an excuse for what I said. I couldn’t manage without you and I’m grateful for how much you have the children. I’m sorry.

MyBreezyPombear · 10/04/2024 16:11

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:09

Just baffled by the responses tbh. I guess my mom wants to actually see my son's

Does she have them overnight once a week?

Ineedcoffee2021 · 10/04/2024 16:12

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:09

Just baffled by the responses tbh. I guess my mom wants to actually see my son's

Seems like she wants a night out actually or she would have declined the party...

idontlikealdi · 10/04/2024 16:12

Wow. So she can never go out on Friday now?

I'm astounded tbh.

Original poster
DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:12

@MyBreezyPombear yes at the same time 🤯

OP posts:
ArtyWren · 10/04/2024 16:12

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:02

It's not free childcare though?
It's bonding between a grandparent and grandson?

But I don’t think you can dictate to her how much time she needs to be spending, with your children, bonding or not. Cleary she adores them and does spend time with them, but is also entitled to her own life. I would be annoyed too, at the last minute cancellation, but people are allowed to change their minds.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 10/04/2024 16:12

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:01

Right ok,
Looking at the responses , I thought seeing your grandparents was a normal thing?
I always used to see my grandparents a lot when I was younger.
I guess my son's will see her when they're old enough to walk over on their own then 😂😂😂

The last sentence says everything we need to know about you.
What a shame, I feel sorry for your mil.
She's allowed to cancel even last minute, she's allowed to have her own life, I assume she doesn't go to parties every week and she's got the opportunity to go to one, why would she miss out, oh yeah, because if she doesn't bow to your will your going to not let her see her dgc hence your last sentence.
Dreadful behaviour on your part.

Crapuscular · 10/04/2024 16:13

Utterly rude.

VestibuleVirgin · 10/04/2024 16:13

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:09

Just baffled by the responses tbh. I guess my mom wants to actually see my son's

Wants to see your son's what?

Original poster
DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:13

She decided she wanted to have my son to sleepover every week, not me. And she decided to see my other son once a week, again not me.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 10/04/2024 16:13

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:09

Just baffled by the responses tbh. I guess my mom wants to actually see my son's

Guess she does, but heaven forbid she gets a last minute invite to something more fun, because you’ll rip her a new one. Grandparents are allowed lives too.

Rickrolypoly · 10/04/2024 16:13

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:08

Love the messages about I hope your son doesn't marry someone like me 😂😂😂.
You don't know me, this is literally a message about how my MIL let my son down with an empty promise 😂

You're giving a pretty good insight into the person you are from these responses.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 10/04/2024 16:13

Yikes.
She doesn't owe you anything. If she wants to go to a party she can, their your kids not hers!

Goldx2 · 10/04/2024 16:14

You are being totally unreasonable. She sounds like a wonderful grandmother.

Anith person asking for people’s opinions and then not liking it when they get them.

What a horrid DIL you are!!!

Ineedcoffee2021 · 10/04/2024 16:14

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:13

She decided she wanted to have my son to sleepover every week, not me. And she decided to see my other son once a week, again not me.

she is also allowed to decide if she wants a night out
deciding once dont mean a permanent rule

Original poster
DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:14

@itsgoingtobeabumpyride she goes out all the time actually.
And I haven't said she won't see my son's, she hasn't bothered messaging me or DH to ask about them, so that's not my fault

OP posts:
Ineedcoffee2021 · 10/04/2024 16:15

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:14

@itsgoingtobeabumpyride she goes out all the time actually.
And I haven't said she won't see my son's, she hasn't bothered messaging me or DH to ask about them, so that's not my fault

who could blame her honestly

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 10/04/2024 16:15

DS6DS3 · 10/04/2024 16:14

@itsgoingtobeabumpyride she goes out all the time actually.
And I haven't said she won't see my son's, she hasn't bothered messaging me or DH to ask about them, so that's not my fault

Yes but she also by the sounds of it has your son every Friday for a sleepover. That's a lot for a grandparent. You're extremely entitled and sound like a nightmare DIL.