DD angry at mature student for inappropriate email

[KeepCalmPlease]

NC just in case.
Daughter is angry this eve as a mature student on her course has mistakenly replied all to the class, instead of just her lecturer. In the email, apparently they brag about finishing their assigned work early, and then flirt about a shared hobby with lecturer. Daughter wants to bring this up formally with the institution along with other friends of hers. I haven't seen the email so I'm not sure what "flirting" is but I suspect the mature student, being older, just shares a hobby with lecturer (and likes being teachers pet).
My advice to her is just ignore the mistake, keep your head down and make sure your own work is done. AIBU?

I'm not sure why DD is so exasperated by this. I'm sure many emails fly about all day in academia.

But even if their was favouritism with this student, it wouldn't make any difference to your dd's marks on assignments 😕

She'll get the marks she deserves for her work, who cares what anyone else gets?

Plus, no tutor would be giving extra marks where they're not deserved as their own reputation will be fucked when their marking is assessed.

She needs to let it go. She was never meant to see the email, it wasn’t about her and does not affect her and it will make her look silly and petty if she complains. And what difference does it make that the student was “mature”?

Oh no the more mature student, how embarrassing.

I was the only mature student on my course. The lecturers were my age and their tone with me was different. I became friendly with them along with some other matures from other courses in the same department. My classmates barely spoke to me.

We had a very good looking lecturer called Andy that I wasn't especially keen on - he was nice but very lazy and always visibly hungover. I borrowed a book from him once that he mentioned in class. Imagine my surprise a few years later when the now much more level headed and friendly young women on my course confided in me that as a group they had hated me as I was 'always flirting' and 'quite likely sleeping' with Andy. Apparently one of them really genuinely liked him and I was her competition.

They looked perplexed when I started to laugh and couldn't stop, we are taking bent over tears rolling laughter.

At work, I see it as well. Older people who like a bit of politics, making best mates with the boss, and all of a sudden they are given a leg up, more money, better projects etc.

Do you think its possible they get those opportunities because they have more work experience? 😄

Considering the OP has told her daughter that the mature student ‘Likes being teacher’s pet’ there’s not much hope.
Go on OP, show your daughter this thread. I double dare you. 😂

Who exactly though is she going to complain about, because actually if she does she is br8nging into question the lecturer and the lecturer alone. The mature student hasn’t done particularly anything wrong and probably doesn’t gel with the group (clearly isn’t on the what’s app) is probably feeling embarrassed so nothing to be gained.

complaining brings into question the lecturer and how they mark

I'd tell her to stay out of it, they're both adults. No-one will thank her for complaining. People always shoot the messenger. Is it really worth it? Lecturer may treat her less favorably in future.

You're basically as childish as OP's daughter tbh lol

You sound bizarrely invested in your daughter's coursemates.

"Bragging" about how they got on the course= "what grades did you need and subsequently obtain"

Otherwise, what are you both inferring?

You could also try and get rid of the chip on your shoulder about people older than you getting on better than you in the workplace.

There's perhaps a correlation with the time you spend bitching about other people and the fact they're doing better than you.

All student and staff emails are searchable on our system so this wouldn't breach any rules. The email addresses are allocated by the university to the students for the purpose of making them contactable by other people in the university - they are not the student's private information.

In this case it's unprofessional to be sending overly personal emails via a work email, something informal is fine but not something flirtatious. On the other hand it's not a problem for students and staff to socialise, they are not school children. Generally it's better to assume someone might accidentally forward your email and keep private things for a personal email address or WhatsApp.

There's nothing to complain about I don't think but hopefully your daughter can learn the lesson at someone else's expense!

This takes me right back to when I was a mature student and there was a very immature little narcissist who lost her mind repeatedly about any perceived unfairness and was always “snitching” about bloody everything. Somebody went over the word count - complaint. Somebody got an extension she didn’t think they should have - complaint. Somebody was in front of her in the rotation - complaint. She was an absolute ballache. She couldn’t get it into her head at all that someone else getting a decent mark for something didn’t mean they were taking marks off her. It was a health course and her reputation has stuck within what is a fairly small professional community. It’s a shame she hadn’t been born earlier, she could have had a good career as as the witchfinder general. I was luckily average and old enough to stay under her radar. The people she hated most were the younger mature students, mid to late 20s. One guy in particular she was absolutely gunning for and I’m sure it’s because he was good looking and quick witted and a bit of a “lad” and she thought that meant he should be thick and she couldn’t understand that he got good marks.
Absolutely no good can come of a “complaint” that someone your dd doesn’t like has finished an assignment early (boast? Fml) and has made a mistake in clicking “reply to all”. Tell her to concentrate on her own business and try to not make a tit of herself.

Well I've seen the email and to be fair it's a bit flirty and very braggy. DD has come to senses and isn't going to take it further. I've encouraged her to get back to her dreaming spires and concentrate on other things!

I think in this case it wouldn't be about shooting the messenger but more about bringing justifiably pissed off. If the OPs daughter complains then it would just look like shit stirring.
They've done nothing wrong!

Well I've seen the email and to be fair it's a bit flirty and very braggy.

So what?

DD has come to senses and isn't going to take it further

This sounds like she still thinks there's something to complain about. There's literally nothing to take further!!

Who cares if it was?

let’s get over this whole women bash women. Rather than trying to stick it to a woman tell her to spend some time doing her work.

your daughter and classmates are watsapping none stop about this,

where does the OP say this @TwinklyRoseTurtle ?

So bloody what?!?! Jesus no wonder your DD is the way she is with a mother like you. Why has she now shown you the email?! Do you not have any actual real world problems to deal with other than the business of two complete (adult) strangers?!

If I'd have gone home and told my mum I got sent an email accidentally (with absolutely nothing at all of my concern in it) and I was thinking of complaining she would tell me to mind my own business and concentrate on my own work!

All firsts and fails are double marked.

The truth is that mature students generally work harder and as a result do better than younger students .
Mature students often have sacrificed a lot to attend the course. They often have children, part time jobs and many other responsibilities. They complete assignments on time because they manage their time well.
When I was a uni all the mature students received either a 1st or a 2:1.
I think posters should give OP’s daughter a bit of slack. She is young and just has a lot of growing up to do.

And this was deserved of "bringing it up formally with the institution" and anger?

I'm not sure when being very braggy became a crime. Honestly, good luck to her when she joins the workplace. 🙄

I can see you talked sense into her fortunately, it saved her a lot of embarrassment.

It sounds as if your DD has been made to feel insecure by the mere existence of this mature student. I suspect she fears they automatically have an advantage purely by being older. Perhaps they have repeatedly demonstrated more self discipline, or better ogansiation and a stronger work ethic than the younger cohort and your DD is feeling inferior and defensive about that.

The younger ones are obviously going to be more easily distracted by the usual things; booze, boys, crises of confidence, the inability to get up before noon, struggling with living away from home and managing their own finances etc, etc. A mature student has usually worked through all that, so might be better able to just focus on the work.

As for 'flirting' with the tutor, I really doubt that's true. That's just your DD's insecurity speaking. She obviously feels they are sucking up to the tutor by finding common ground to bond with them. Let's imagine they are both Arsenal supporters and the email finished with 'by the way, what a great result last night! Saka was outstanding!' or something along those lines.

DD will see that as a cynical ploy to worm their way into the tutor's good books, in a way that she can't possibly do. But to frame it as 'flirting' is childish and ridiculous and she'll make herself look like a petulant child if she makes a complaint along those lines. She will embarrass herself.

She should grow up and let it go. The mature student is not in direct competition with her, and even if the mature student did gain some perceived advantage in her own results by being pally with the tutor, that does absolutely nothing to affect your DDs ability to achieve great results. The only person she is in competition with is herself, so that's who she should focus on.

Op, you really need to knock this issue on the head
Even if the email is ‘flirty’ or ‘braggy’ ( and we only have your word on this) what the hell has this got to do with your dd.?
All this energy should be channelled into revising for upcoming exams.

I agree with PP’s, your daughter is going to make a fool of herself.

All of this

It's nothing to do with your DD. The student has made a bit of a fool of themselves and has no doubt spent the night cringing themselves inside out.

The lecturer couldn't care less I'd imagine. Probably an eye roll and maybe a giggle when they realise the reply all. Hopefully it's a one off, I'm a lecturer and a couple of female colleagues have had a lot of unwanted attention from female students who got a bit besotted. It was very unpleasant for my colleagues.