if your DP wanted to move back to his mother's house with you and your baby to save for a deposit instead of renting at age 35

[ginger2025]

What would you think of this?

This isn't in an Asian country, this is in a UK/US context.

Happening to a relative of mine who is moving back to his mum's house from abroad, with wife and child in tow. He is 35 this year. He said it is common nowadays, is that true?

Most of my friends don't have kids and I did the whole living with inlaws to save for a deposit thing when I was in my 20s (bought when I was 26 and DH 29). But we had no kids. Is this a move to multi-generational households?

Though i must say that that for this relative who is moving back with his mum who lives in America, a lot of the savings would be eroded by the cost of health insurance (1000 per month for a family) plus cost of running two cars compared to renting in his current country which like most of the developed world doesn't have such punitive healthcare costs. However this doesn't apply in the UK so I wonder why it is not more common for people in the UK (excluding those from cultures where multigenerational living is expected)?

Why is it just down to the man to save? What about the wife?!

It equally applies to her. But OPs question was about the friend - not his wife.

My parents lived at home until they married. And many couples lived with family until they could afford their own place

This isn't new. I think the times of young people living alone may be the aberration, not the norm

How old were they?

I don't have an opinion of people who live with their own parents other than I envy them that they have a good enough relationship for this. I could never have lived with my awful mother again.
I think living with in laws might not be easy though. In any culture. I saw this reel by an Indian woman today.

I relocated to a foreign country with my husband as he had no job - we had one two year old and I had just given birth. The moment we moved back to his parents house his mother in law alienated me from my children (over a long period) while he ramped up the abuse. I left him and went through the courts (which in this EU country are completely useless). My children now live with him, in the former marital home that is in foreclosure, and I have lost contact with my children despite the courts repeatedly intervening and there is a supervision order.
Mine is a very extreme case and sad, but very good example of hindsight is 20:20. Be mindful of your bond with your children, their contact with others or making yourself too vulnerable or reliant on others for your home or peace.

I see no problem with this as long as its suitable for everyone involved, there's enough space and it is temporary to allow people to save for a house deposit. I know a number of people who have done this, especially since rental costs have doubled in the last 4 years. To me if it works and you all get on well enough to do it and still be friends at the end, then it's a good financial decision. I'd still expect to pay something to the parents.

It used to be the norm, then only fairly recently (post ww2 maybe even later) did we stop having multigenerational households and then it became seen by many as weird to not leave your parents home or a sign of failure to have to go back to your parents home with your own family but I think now it's becoming so common again that we are simply seeing a shift back to the old days where it was just how it was, you'd live with your parents, a grandparent would probably be there too and you'd all just rub along together and I think we're going to carry on seeing more and more of these households as col goes up and up.

@Desecratedcoconut Mid - late 20s

Would make more sense to get the Mum back in the UK, I'm sure as the Mother of a UK national she could get in. She might just want to be with her for her final years.

I moved back in with my parents at 34 with my husband and baby so we could save a deposit for a bigger house. It helped us out and my family were happy to help us and they built a wonderful relationship with my child.

I couldn't give a shit what others thought about us doing it. I really don't see if others are doing it, why it is of any concern to others.

There was a thread recently where the OP's female relative was hoping (on the husband's insistence) to enter the US on a tourist visa and then try to move the goalposts with US immigration once there. The risk of deportation and separation from the baby was strongly drawn to the OP's attention.

I'm presuming that this particular relative has a job to go to, their spouse has a job to go and the right to be there. And that the MIL's house is suitably large and with sufficient spare vehicles for them to be able to slot into work immediately and not get in her way?

You're asking if it's weird that someone is doing the thing that you yourself did?

This was my immediate thought too, @ginger2025

I left home at 18, then, at 23, briefly (~6 months) moved home to care for a parent after a minor accident.

It was, ahem, not a happy time and I left as soon as they had recovered to a series of rented flat shares etc before moving in with my OH.

I would genuinely sooner have eaten one of my own legs than live at home for an extended period of time (into your 30s? Seriously?!) and I have a reasonably good relationship with my family.

I just cannot fathom living with your parents as an adult.

So your OH owns/ed a home?

Maybe if you were still renting and mid 30s and became a parent, then you'd do whatever necessary to get yourself into the property ladder?

My youngest DS didn't move out until he had a deposit saved. Then he waited another 18 months because of COVID and the lockdown. He finally moved out at 28.

You are so obsessed with this couple. How many threads will you start about them! Mind your own business.

I actually don’t see what’s wrong with it. I often think how nice it must be to be part of one of the communities where it is normal to have such a close relationship with your family where you all support each other. This is the case in many countries with multigenerational living but not the norm in the uk.
I know of a woman in her late forties who has moved into her FIL’s with her husband and child. They have no plan to buy but couldn’t find anywhere to rent and FIL enjoys the company.
I know another lady who is older and has always shared with her mother. She has a bf but still lives at home and her mum is grateful of the financial help and the company. I honestly don’t know why it’s such a big deal 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I think it's embarrassing moving back in with your parents with kids in tow. The housing situation should have been sorted before choosing to have a child.