if your DP wanted to move back to his mother's house with you and your baby to save for a deposit instead of renting at age 35

[ginger2025]

What would you think of this?

This isn't in an Asian country, this is in a UK/US context.

Happening to a relative of mine who is moving back to his mum's house from abroad, with wife and child in tow. He is 35 this year. He said it is common nowadays, is that true?

Most of my friends don't have kids and I did the whole living with inlaws to save for a deposit thing when I was in my 20s (bought when I was 26 and DH 29). But we had no kids. Is this a move to multi-generational households?

Though i must say that that for this relative who is moving back with his mum who lives in America, a lot of the savings would be eroded by the cost of health insurance (1000 per month for a family) plus cost of running two cars compared to renting in his current country which like most of the developed world doesn't have such punitive healthcare costs. However this doesn't apply in the UK so I wonder why it is not more common for people in the UK (excluding those from cultures where multigenerational living is expected)?

Because of the acute housing shortage people are having to make decisions which they might prefer not make but if needs must, what else are they to do?

If a renting family returns to a parent's home to save money it's no reason to be sneering towards them, I'm sure they didn't plan it this way! Same for adult children who are still living at home, or returned after university etc, it's just the situation they find themselves in, even if they have a well paid job.

As for societal shift - I think there will be societal breakdown if Labour doesn't get on and build, build, and build, affordable homes for rent.

Not much word on how they will build, build, build with a trade labour shortage. Sounds good though.

But it's not like they've been living round the corner and have moved back to save money. They're moving to a different continent! Living with family in the beginning while they save money for a house deposit seems eminently sensible. They need to work out exactly where they want to live, what kind of childcare/schooling they'll need, if they need new jobs if their WFH turns out not to be transferable etc etc. Theirs is a completely different scenario to what you're describing.

You're not hiding your disapproval well either. Why have you got such a problem with them doing it?

I’m 33 with 2 kids and would move in with my mum for a while in a heartbeat to save for a deposit if she had the room.

As it is we are stuck in this rental trap for probably forever.

i don't think men on mumsnet use the acronyms lol.
I didn't think women would either. Boys or immature males maybe.

Was a bit surprised to see the hotel room thrown in, you seem to have a real downer on this man. Why?

I know that my parents lived with my grandma for a period when my older brother was a baby and before I was born (my dad's mum) and that was late '80s/early '90s. I think that people have done this for a long time, especially if it's just temporarily!

But what business is it of yours?

not really, it scares me a bit that this is what our generation has come to, that you can be 35 with a wife and a child and still be unable to afford your own place or even hotel room despite both working full time in graduate level jobs.

Something is wrong with our economy.

you don’t like this relative, do you?

solidarity from another

it’s shit isn’t it

But it's got nothing to do with our economy - he's moving to another country. Presumably they'll have accrued relocation costs? If so, it's no wonder they time to save again. Staying with relatives while that happens is not any reflection on them being graduates.

Your attitude to this situation is so, so weird. Why don't you just come out and say you think he's a terrible husband for failing to provide for his wife and child and needing support from his mum? Because it really feels like that's what you're implying.

They are leaving that country as its too expensive. Tbh his plan is to get an interest free loan for his deposit or mortgage from a free loan society (which funded his internship so he has a credit history). I am not familiar with such set up in the usa so cannot comment... moving in with mum is so they cam start a new life in another state of america.

Honestly I think the housing crisis is global and reading the comments it appears it is common here.

not really, it scares me a bit that this is what our generation has come to, that you can be 35 with a wife and a child and still be unable to afford your own place or even hotel room despite both working full time in graduate level jobs.
No. You stated they are moving to a different country so it makes sense to move in for a while. And they will be able to afford their own place.

Tbh his plan is to get an interest free loan for his deposit or mortgage from a free loan society (which funded his internship so he has a credit history). I
How the hell do you know so much about his finances. Are you the MIL?

Why do you care? How do you know so much about this and what does it have to do with you?

I think it's a completely sensible thing to do.

You're contradicting yourself. You comment it's awful they've got to live with his MIL but he's already got a plan in place to secure a deposit.

Is the wife your sister?

You seem rather over invested in this relative.

Surely you do that before having a baby? And if not, then you're shit out of luck renting for the foreseeable

All I know is what he told me, he said he was moving back in with his mum so they could start their new life fresh but long term he was interested in getting an interest free loan for either his deposit or mortgage and he didn't know why more people didn't do it.

We moved back to the UK in our 30s and moved in with his parents. The plan was do that for a couple of months, get the good jobs, find a place to rent, save for a deposit and buy a place. Easy. Seven years later we moved out. Rents were stupidly high (my salary every month leaving his to live on which wouldn't have been enough) so we waited until I was getting a big bonus that could go towards a down payment on a house. His parents were very accommodating and they had plenty of room for us.

Both my younger sibling moved into my parents 'granny annexe' (at different times) when they had a partner and dc and we're saving for their first house. Fast forward 10 years in the past 3 years myself and 2 sibling with our husbands and dc have moved into our parents house (again at different times) for a minimum of 3 months due to major house renovations and a house sale falling through. It's fairly common where I am.

We're relocating so we can buy (still renting) a big enough house for the DCs to stay at home while saving (if they want). I've already told them that long term partners would be welcome, provided everyone pulls their weight and contributes to expenses. But I'd draw the line at living with children, I've done my time of that. Of course, I wouldn't see my grandchildren homeless and if it came to it would let them live with us temporarily, but it's not something I'd plan ahead for. I'm hoping our DCs will learn from our mistakes and not have babies until they've bought a home. It's very difficult to save a deposit once you've got children (we're doing it now and they're teens).

The scenario OP describes is different though, as they'd have left home years ago and be coming back with an established partner and child, so bringing a whole family unit into ours and potentially outnumbering us. I'd feel a bit like my home was being taken over and probably quite resentful. So let's hope it doesn't come to that!

Most people by the time they leave university know they need to save for a deposit. If they both have graduate jobs then at 35 (at least 10 years out of uni) they should have saved a decent amount of money. Sounds like your friend has just spunked his money up the walls tbh if he's only now thinking about saving to buy at 35.

That IMO is far less attractive than moving back in with his inlaws.

Depends on the reason surely?. I spent a chunk of my twenties too ill to work with a mystery illness. I am not sure that makes me in any way a person to find unattractive ? I am very successful now (and finally have a diagnosis, and own a big 5 bed house). So I guess if anyone was deterred it was their loss.

I've moved in with my in laws and toddler and DS who's 2. We have some savings now which we didn't a year ago.

DS loves seeing his grandparents every day and we have stopped cooking (they insist on cooking for us). We'll be here at least another year, if not several. Where we want to buy eventually is within driving distance of here, so if we're still here when DS starts primary no problem. If we move out while he's at primary we'd still be able to drive him to the local one without him having to change to a school near our new (hoped-for) place.

So we don't have any hard deadline to move out. As long as possible really, so we can save as much as possible. If we're still here while he's secondary age then I'll rethink!