Female colleague calling and texting partner all the time

[N12251234]

So I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3. We have a 3 month old baby together.

Just before we conceived our child my husband got a new female colleague. He works 12 hour shifts with her 2 out of the 4 shifts he does in a week. She is 23 and single. We are both in our early 30’s. To begin with he didn’t really like this girl, called her annoying and some other not so nice things. Then as they began to work together more they became good friends. I just want to make it clear that I don’t think he is cheating with her or anything like that.

My issue is, I think she is being a bit disrespectful and so is he. They text each other all the time, send Snapchat pictures to each other, and she calls him at least once every day. Sometime several times a day. He often has her on speaker so I know the chat is innocent. She will literally call just to tell him what she’s eaten for lunch that day. She did this all throughout my pregnancy and when I had just given birth. My partner doesn’t see the issue and just sees her as being friendly and he said it would be rude to tell her to stop as they are good friends.

I just feel like a young single female shouldn’t be messaging and calling a married man who has just had a baby all the time. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to tell her to back off a little.

[TeaKitten]

What makes you think he isn’t cheating or falling for this woman?

[boysgrove]

Yeah, it is a bit weird

[ResidualHeat]

I wonder how happy he'd be if you had another man calling/messaging you multiple times a day? Perhaps find an online "friend". Loads of people will be on here saying it's fine, but standards for men and women are very different.

[Justsomethoughts]

Definitely not being unreasonable to not like this.
Your husband should be prioritising you and your new baby at this point. Even if he doesn’t see the problem himself, it should be enough that it is making you uncomfortable and he should have the sense and decency to cool it off.

[boonr]

That is really weird. I would say definitely cheating if it wasn't for him putting her on speakerphone.

I don't ring my own partner every day, let alone someone from work.

Really odd.

[duckcalledbill]

I’m all for make/female friendships and the odd text and phone call but I would not stand for that OP. It’s excessive. Even if it was a make friend texting and calling that much I’d think it was a bit over the top.

[PTSDBarbiegirl]

It's not fine at all. Tell him it needs to stop. You can't allow this to happen anymore. It's not innocent.

[duckcalledbill]

Male friend*

[MiltonNorthern]

This is super weird. I would not be ok with this. It's really intrusive. Your partner needs to grow up a bit and stop acting like a goofy teenager with a crush.

[Eyesopenwideawake]

She wants to be in a relationship with him. He is doing nothing to stop that belief, more - he's prioritising her feelings over your discomfort. What does that tell you?

[Allofaflutter]

He needs to stop. This isn’t ok. They both know it.

[Haydenn]

She doesn’t owe you any respect. Your issue is 100% with your husband. Direct you anger at him not at her.

[Glass113]

He may not be cheating yet but it takes one after work drink and he will be.

[FinallyHere]

@Haydenn

She doesn’t owe you any respect. Your issue is 100% with your husband. Direct you anger at him not at her.

This. Sorry

Why blame her, rather than him

[DrunkenElephant]

Hiding in plain sight.

[Itloggedmeoutagain]

This would be annoying even if the friend was male

[Lucy377]

Even your close female friend or his close make friend wouldn't be maintaining such close contact.

She is being very controlling and he is going along with it.

She's constantly checking he's in her control.

It's nearly like a very clingy young adult daughter ringing Dad to ask how to open a tin of beans. Just because she's lonely away from home.

There is a dependency there. Probably on her part.

[N12251234]

@FinallyHere

This. Sorry

Why blame her, rather than him

I am blaming him mostly. I’m not angry at her. But I don’t think she’s completely innocent either. I wouldn’t dare do what she is doing.

[fashionqueen1183]

Why is he even answering the multiple calls a day?

[N12251234]

@TeaKitten

What makes you think he isn’t cheating or falling for this woman?

I obviously can’t be 100% sure but we are a very open couple. He puts her on speaker when they talk and sometimes she doesn’t know I’m there. And the talk is all innocent. I’ve seen all their messages and he opens Snapchat messages from her in front of me with no issue. She’s constantly telling him about dates that she goes on.

[MiltonNorthern]

@N12251234

I obviously can’t be 100% sure but we are a very open couple. He puts her on speaker when they talk and sometimes she doesn’t know I’m there. And the talk is all innocent. I’ve seen all their messages and he opens Snapchat messages from her in front of me with no issue. She’s constantly telling him about dates that she goes on.

You're being naive. She's telling him about dates to make him jealous or to signal that she's sexually active and available.

[paintingvenice]

@N12251234

I am blaming him mostly. I’m not angry at her. But I don’t think she’s completely innocent either. I wouldn’t dare do what she is doing.

Well your heading refers to her not him- almost implying it is one sided.

You say a young single female shouldn’t be messaging a married man- nothing about the fact your husband shouldn’t be messaging a junior, single colleague.

You talk as if she is always the one who initiates contact-rather than acknowledging the fact the he will be encouraging her and keeping the conversation going.

You mention her respect for your marriage, before his.

Please be absolutely furious about this. But it should be at him- don’t let him fob you off with stories about it all coming from her- that’s absolute bollocks.

[Universalsnail]

I'm am in the camp of it's ok for people to have opposite sex friends but this is too much and I wouldn't be ok with this. This is emotional affair territory. It's not normal to be calling friends every single day like this I would be expecting him to back off from this friendship. It's inappropriate

[N12251234]

@paintingvenice

Well your heading refers to her not him- almost implying it is one sided.

You say a young single female shouldn’t be messaging a married man- nothing about the fact your husband shouldn’t be messaging a junior, single colleague.

You talk as if she is always the one who initiates contact-rather than acknowledging the fact the he will be encouraging her and keeping the conversation going.

You mention her respect for your marriage, before his.

Please be absolutely furious about this. But it should be at him- don’t let him fob you off with stories about it all coming from her- that’s absolute bollocks.

Fair point, you’re completely right. Looking back at my post it does all seem to be aimed at her. Which is weird as I am furious at him and it’s him that his been getting an ear full. So I’m not sure why I’ve written out like that. She does initiate all of the contact but by him answering and reply to her he is encouraging it. Which he shouldn’t be. He just says he’s not being rude by not replying. They are paramedics so they do work closely together so it’s not like he can just bin her off and not be friends with her. I asked if he could just get a new crew mate but he says it’s not that easy to do that.

[AnnetteKurtan]

Snapchat messages :/ really Snapchat at his age? And with colleagues?

nope