No phone for secondary school

[StillCreatingAName]

AIBU? I feel like I might be missing something obvious on this one, but honestly why do children need to take a smartphone to school? It’s baffling me as to why there appears to be parents on auto pilot buying their children smartphones (£££) now in year 6, ready for year 7 as though it’s part of a uniform policy (and then sharing their purchase on the class WhatsApp, give me strength).

Is this all just a fallout from lockdown times, people were sort of forced into screen life, so now there’s more children at secondary school with them, who may not have ordinarily had a phone until older?
I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends. I can see where a basic phone might be needed to contact home, but that doesn’t mean the phone should be out of school bag anytime during school hours should it, but maybe I’m just being naive, time will tell 🤷‍♀️?

AIBU to say children don’t need to get a £££ phone for starting secondary school? (It goes without saying they don’t need it at all for primary school, IMHO)?

The only other phones I know of are the old Nokia type where you had to keep pressing the same button to get to the letters you wanted. I’d be very happy to have a non-smart phone but has a proper keyboard, what brands do this as I’ll happily get one (I didn’t know they existed tbh).

@willWillSmithsmith there are a number of those kinds of models available in other countries, the US for example but not currently the UK. Another area being promoted by the Smartphone Free Childhood movement.

I found cohorts massively differ. The worst one we had was about 4 years ago and it was truly terrible from many points of view,the one after was largely uninterested ,the next one was split , but more kids used their phones appropriately and safely than not, the current one is largely uninterested again and we had no issues so far(knock wood).

YABU.

We live rurally about 7 miles away and mine catches the bus to and from school. If during the last lesson of the day the teacher keeps them in a bit later, he can easily miss the bus.

However, he keeps his phone in the bottom of his bag all day so doesn’t use it in school.

School required us to buy a (£700) laptop for him when he started secondary despite him having a perfectly good laptop at home already! Supposedly to do all his work on and use online course materials but some (dinosaur) teachers still insist on them carrying textbooks too. We get through a lot of bags with broken zips from the weight and strain of the laptop and books in it. I hate to think what it’s doing to the child carrying such a heavy load.

Half way through Year 8 and my child doesn't have a smart phone ...

I was a little unsure as to how this would work out once he started secondary as he is definitely in the minority.

He can check the school apps on the desktop computer at home and has no problems accessing homework. If there was a problem with homework then I would have a word with school as mobile phone ownership shouldn't be a requirement to an education!

He has a dumb phone in case we need to arrange any pick ups / meet ups or he's walking home. We also have a landline he can call people on.

He is very computer literate, and creative but doesn't do social media.

The sky hasn't fallen down on our heads! And there have been no real problems that I can think of, it's actually worked really well for us.

I think it has given him the chance to observe others behaviour around smart phone use and if he gets a smart phone in the future I think this will be really helpful as he can see the pitfalls.

I don't buy the argument that they need to learn how to use a phone at a young age otherwise they will be somehow naive and run into it blind when they eventually get one.

If we applied that same logic to other things which have an age limit like drinking, smoking, 18 certificate films, driving etc. It wouldn't stand up. There is a reason we restrict some things for children.

Kids do not have the level of emotional maturity to fully understand the world of social media. Teenagers are proven risk takers and it is the most dangerous age to be statistically for this reason.

Just my perspective, but I think it's worth holding out as long as you can!

I do wish there was a dumb phone available with a better text function, so like a smart phone but without the smart features! Or just limited features. Surely this would be worth making and would be a compromise! There is most likely a reason it doesn't exist, and I suspect the tech company's have a vested interest in keeping us all hooked!

This is awful @PaperLanterns I’m so sorry it’s that kind of environment for you.

This isn't a new thing. My DS got his first phone when he started secondary and that was in 2003. I thought he needed it because his school commute went from a local walk to 2 buses and I wanted him to be able to contact us if anything went wrong.

And as for kids walking round with their heads in their phones unaware of their surroundings -that describes 75% of the adults I passed in central London yesterday.

And as for kids walking round with their heads in their phones unaware of thier surroundings -that describes 75% of the adults I passed in central London yesterday.

and that’s my previous point about adults who are addicted, why are we as parents being made to feel like they need one for school to fit in, only for it to long term, turn them into one of those adults who’s addicted?

If we applied that same logic to other things which have an age limit like drinking, smoking, 18 certificate films, driving etc. It wouldn't stand up. There is a reason we restrict some things for children.

The difference is, no one (even adults) needs to do those things, especially the vice ones. So of course it's better to never start to begin with.

They will eventually get a smartphone though.

I think YABU other than they don’t need a hugely expensive one. Smartphones are part of life whether we like it or not and kids have to learn to use and manage them.

Making sensible decisions about what WhatsApp groups to join is part of that - neither of mine are in class etc groups. There is one for my youngest daughter’s year group at secondary - I mean why? She just leaves immediately whenever she gets added. So is periodically talking to them and checking phones. They both avoid adding ‘randos’ (ie kids they aren’t friends with) as contacts - why would you want to message people who aren’t your mates or want them messaging you? It’s boundaries like any other type.

The most important thing as a parent of secondary-aged kids is for them to have interests and do things that are constructive outside school. So many have basically no hobbies, so they are bored and as a result entertain themselves on social media. Is gaming for example any better?

I’ve also taken phone away for a week or two if I’ve felt it’s needed. Tbh though neither of mine are overly obsessed with them.

It's not a fallout from lockdown times.

I'm in my 30's now and I had my first mobile phone when I was 11, most of my classmates did too.

I got a smartphone as soon as they were a thing, so did most other kids I knew.

Kids having tech is not a new thing.

I meant more it almost being compulsory for year 7 starting secondary, I felt that something had shifted since lockdown when all that age group needed phones, screens to connect with school.

I got my first phone in my 20s

If you don't think your child needs one then don't get them one. It's not compulsory. But I don't really see why you wouldn't get them one if you can afford it.

This idea from your OP - " I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends." - is outdated and based on your own experience of childhood that you are projecting.

That is just not how things are now, children/ young people relate in a different way to how they did when you were a child, and denying your kid a phone is denying them social opportunities.

Getting expensive phones for your kids sounds like a way for people insecure about their social status to show off. Same as driving around in a massively overpowered vehicle worth tens of thousands and the other things otherwise unimpressive people get up to.

Well much as I say that our SLT is appalling (and it is), the Head is very much against phones in school for this reason. One of the teachers was filmed delivering a lesson and it was doctored to them swearing constantly/using sexualised language etc and posted online. It was awful. Most of the time when teachers were filmed they were shared via WhatsApp etc., but this one was particularly awful.

You can have the same comfort knowing he has a phone from a simple / feature / dumb / flip phone - it doesn't have to be a smart phone.

Your point about pedos and weirdos is misplaced though. There aren't any more around now than there used to be. There is much more awareness now than there used to be. A pedo is much more likely to be online, contacting young people via Instagram, than they are on the streets. So, by giving a young person a smart phone with unfettered access to the internet, you're actually likely to be making them less safe (in regard to this particular concern of anyway)

I agree with every word. Every single year it gets worse.

This idea from your OP - " I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends." - is outdated and based on your own experience of childhood that you are projecting.

Really? I’d say it was still absolutely crucial to childhood development, particularly pre teen life. We wouldn’t say let’s not take toddlers to playgroups, music classes, parks or on walks to be with other little ones, because they could just go on the iPad at home to watch Bluey these days.
Fully appreciate this did happen during lockdown and so maybe I wasn’t that far off the mark with the idea that lockdown changed attitudes to screen or phone time?

I have no control at all over my school's policies.

It’s not compulsory. Anyone saying they need it in school is wrong.

So, by giving a young person a smart phone with unfettered access to the internet,

And that's the real issue isn't it? Same as with having any device with unfettered access to internet.

They are breaching department of education guidance. Report them.

Are you saying this it is a necessary requirement of his bus that he owns a smart phone? So, if he asked the bus driver / company / school what he could do if I didn't have one, they would say 'No, no smart phone, you can't come on the bus.'? No alternative provision could be made? Have you asked?

Most schools do not do that anymore, believe me.

Yes really.

Of course interaction is crucial to childhood development, and we are not talking about toddlers, we are talking about young people aged 11+ in secondary school. No one is saying that toddlers should have phones.

Owning a smartphone doesn't mean that young people don't interact. Kids walking home together and messing about on their phones is simply how they relate to one another these days, and your idyllic view of children walking home together and laughing in a technology-free world is outdated and shows a misunderstanding of how children/ teens are relating to one another and networking in the modern world.

The younger generation are developing qualitatively different ways of interacting with one another and you are projecting your idealised childhood days/ nostalgia onto them. That is not simply how things are now.

I toatlly get the rationale for this and could definitely get behind no smartphone until year 9 (although we'd have had lots of public transport related issues and delays) but just in the interest of balance, my year 11 child has gone from a 3 to an 8 in GCSE Biology mocks from using a revsion app with videos on phone daily on way to/from school and my year 8 child has learnt and passed the certification for the PADI scuba diving first course this Easter holidays using the app with video content. My eldest failed the driving theory test twice after refusing to even pick up the official books I bought then passed it easily third time after a few days using an unofficial app.

This is all available on the web or in books of course, but for some reason they prefer to use apps on their smartphones. I do think this generation learn a bit differently (and are taught differently) in a way where some smartphone content can be helpful.

Year 7 though, yes, its to let you know about train delays etc.