To think I’m entitled to child maintenance?

[Blondeyoghurt]

Hey all,

I honestly have no idea if I’m wrong or right on this one so please be gentle!

I have a nearly 4 year old with my ex (never married). He’s decided today that when she goes to school, he’s not going to pay the privately agreed child maintenance anymore. He’s told me he’s spoken to CMS and they have informed him that if I put a claim in they would just shut it down straight away, as we share our child 50/50 (this does differ sometimes as he has on call duties in his job, so may have a couple extra days with me or my mum etc).

He’s on an extremely healthy wage (just over double mine), and I am the receiver of child benefit.

I was sure that even with 50/50 custody, he would still have to pay to me - is this wrong?

I have absolutely no idea and I don’t want to cause a stir without knowing exactly where I stand.. the websites aren’t too clear in this instance😭

help please!

If they have the child 50:50 then he is paying he is paying for the child during his 50% time.

You actually believe that?

And what?

He can either contribute half of these costs or OP can stop providing them. Ex will the have to pay for it all himself for the time the child is with him. It is a valid point to highlight this to OP so no need to be rude about it.

@Otherstories2002 Nope.

Hey everyone,

I bit the bullet and put a claim in, I just thought it’s the only way I’ll know (thanks to everyone that pushed me to do it I needed that)

I calmly let him know to possibly expect some contact from them and the response was as expected, I’m calling his bluff and a money grabbing piece of work..

I just explained that if it comes back that no money is entitled either way, then we’ll have to discuss making sure there’s a 50/50 split money wise, which I’m not sure will last but the most I can do is make sure DD is safe and happy with me.

for reference - neither of us having any other children, I’m 25 and work a success job in hr (for those people bugging about finding a better job).

thank you so much for your help, any other experiences are gratefully appreciated!

Good luck OP x

Even at 50/50 maintenance is often payable

@AlexaPlaySomeHappyHardcore

Hmm I found the calculator to be pretty accurate. And definitely put in a claim, try to be as accurate as you can about number of nights your child is in his care. The nights are the important bit in a CMS claim. Most of all though, don’t let this dick push you around.
Why is he a dick?
He is an engaged father who has his dc 50% of the time yet was still giving the OP money out of choice.

Once the child is in school he figures he will stop that as he has the child 50% of the time.

There is no indication he doesn't parent well during his %. So why is he a dick? Serious question.

@Sweetheart7

It's disgusting though he earns double what OP earns.
Well why doesn't the op figure out how to earn more? They have their dc equal times so she has the same opportunity to get a higher paid job. It's not on him to subsidise her forever

@Otherstories2002

You actually believe that?
Well as the OP hasn't said otherwise and for sure she wouldn't leave out this little nugget of info. Then yes. I assume he is paying for stuff

If you have true 50/50 then no he doesn’t have to Pay . If however he has a changing pattern in white it’s up to him to get the childcare for the time he needs to work , not yours . Check how many days a week she sleeps at your and at his home and go from there

then we’ll have to discuss making sure there’s a 50/50 split money wise,

if cms says he doesn’t owe you anything how are you going to make sure there is a 50/50 split money wise ?

People can be involved parents and still be dicks to their ex 🤷‍♀️

Imo he’s being a dick because it seems like he’s trying to bully the OP into not making a claim through CMS. He just seems really keen to put her off which I think is the behaviour of a dick. If he was so sure he’s right, he wouldn’t need to do that.

Never assume anything.

I calmly let him know to possibly expect some contact from them and the response was as expected, I’m calling his bluff and a money grabbing piece of work..

Ha. My hunch was right. He’s a dick.

Seriously though, I hope you do find some way forward with this, either through continued child support via CMS or if that’s not possible, you somehow get him to fairly share all of the financial cost of raising your child amicably.

I also recommend that you keep a record of how many nights the child spends with each of you incase there are any queries in the future (CMS do annual reviews to check information is up to date). Could be handy.

Just as an aside, as we don't know the figures involved here, if the other parent earns over £104k net, you can make a claim under Schedule 1 of the Children Act to the court who will do a needs assessment and award a maintenance figure without the CMS. Even if 50/50.
And Schedule 1 is also there in other circumstances eg cash poor/asset rich type situations, or if a child has a particular need/disability that the other parent should be contributing towards.

He's paying private maintenance I assume towards nursery fees?

Who pays for other things that your child needs? Clothes/hobbies. If that's split then fine or if you agree to split those costs as they crop up, that's fine.

But his income and the fact it's healthy is really nothing to do with. He's supporting the child not your life. If it's 50/50 that is.

What a tremendous idea. Well of course if OP stops paying, he will just just instead. What other option could there be for someone already not paying anything?? Hmmm...

Honestly, some people live on a different planet. He's not going to buy more if she stops buying things at her house. He'll just let the kid wear whatever mum sends them in until mum gives in and buys more.

If he does 50/50. then make sure that he does it properly.
Takes time off when she is ill to look after his child
Takes her to school and collects her.
Half the holidays.

See if impacts on his career.

Well in that case OP should just do absolutely nothing to try and improve her situation and sit there wondering why she has £0. What a tremendous idea.

OP has taken action and I am very pleased she has and I wish her all the best.

I spent the first 2.5 years of DDs life taking a back step so that he could further his career.. so some things are easily said than done I guess

If nothing else, hopefully this thread will make other women realise not to do that when you're not married......

Because in this case the op is having to have the child on some of dad’s time because he is on call, so current situation he presumably relies on her having those days free so he can work. True 50-50 the dad would need to sort out childcare when he’s on call as though he was a single parent not expect op to be available by default. Op would then have more time available to increase her earnings

You can out in a claim- but if it’s genuinely 50/50 nights they will return a £0 nil assessment - the calculator doesn’t work in genuine 50:50 cases. Feel free to put a claim in but expect it to come back as this

Very costly to do a sch 1 claim . V difficult to win under this and would likely not be successful re maintainence

Sounds like you have an amiable relationship with a decent ex. You are lucky. Many many people don’t have that. A text to say, “ I bought DD this coat, can you transfer half?” In my world would be met with “Fuck off, she didn’t need a new coat, why did you get that one anyway, could have got one for £1 at a car boot” or some such shite. Or a simple “can’t afford to” For every. single. thing. Exhausting, soul destroying, heart breaking.