To think I’m entitled to child maintenance?

[Blondeyoghurt]

Hey all,

I honestly have no idea if I’m wrong or right on this one so please be gentle!

I have a nearly 4 year old with my ex (never married). He’s decided today that when she goes to school, he’s not going to pay the privately agreed child maintenance anymore. He’s told me he’s spoken to CMS and they have informed him that if I put a claim in they would just shut it down straight away, as we share our child 50/50 (this does differ sometimes as he has on call duties in his job, so may have a couple extra days with me or my mum etc).

He’s on an extremely healthy wage (just over double mine), and I am the receiver of child benefit.

I was sure that even with 50/50 custody, he would still have to pay to me - is this wrong?

I have absolutely no idea and I don’t want to cause a stir without knowing exactly where I stand.. the websites aren’t too clear in this instance😭

help please!

Well then you get a better job so he does surely? Why should the dad have to fund your lifestyle because you can't be arsed to get a well paid job?

This is the part I think a lot of people don't really think about.

Obviously there are going to be some who use the payment incorrectly and on themselves but most decent parents who receive CMS are going to be using it to better their children's lives.

If you are a high earner and/or have the meanings to contribute to your children's lives financially, even if you do have them 50 percent of the time (although chances are most in a 50/50 situation are not truly 50/50, there will usually be a parent who does end up doing more running around or paying out more for things like uniforms/clubs/trips) I cannot see why a decent person would not wish to do this.

This essentially as far as I know. Even though nights are split he’s still the ‘paying parent’ because you have the child benefit. It’s up to him to prove that he’s doing 50% of the daily care not just equal overnights if he no longer wants to be the ‘paying parent’.

He’s probably banking on you not wanting to rock the boat so the only way you are going to find out is to open a claim with them.

I just want to jump on the back of this one and say it’s actually so hard to hear something like this when I have worked my socks off to get into the career I’m in.. I spent the first 2.5 years of DDs life taking a back step so that he could further his career.. so some things are easily said than done I guess

but is it funding the other parents lifestyle or is it maintaining a decent standard of living for your child because you have the means to do so?

Also the idea that not getting a better paid job is predominantly out of laziness is hilarious.

It's disgusting though he earns double what OP earns. I have to confess that I'm glad I'm not doing a 50/50 split because it is tricky who pays for trips, school uniform, trainees, shoes or whatever. I can absolutely see how not everyone is reasonable about these things.

So what would you prefer? That the father decides to take a poorer paid job, to even things out a bit? Or is it better than for 50% of their lives, the child gets the benefits of his 'disgusting' job?? Or heaven forbid, the mother gets herself a better paid job?

When you weren't married to him?
Without wanting to kick you when you're down, this was a really poor decision. This is why women who earn less than their partner shouldn't have kids without being married, and if they do, they should cling on to their financial independence with all they have.

Op don't fear "rocking the boat" and quietly paying for everything whilst your ex-partner hoards his cash. Find out what you're eligible for and put in the claim. It doesn't sound right that he can just decide to stop maintenance payments.

No they don't have to provide proportional to their income. Each parent has the chance to work just as much as the other does. Why would the higher earner have to subsidise the lower earner? Honestly, why?

I wouldn't be too harsh on the op. From what I've read on mumsnet, married women often don't fare much better if their ex-husband is determined to keep their cash hidden.

I just tried how much I’d have to pay my husband if we split on a 50/50 custody. I earn nearly 80k. It’s £350 a month what I’d have to pay him

Go back to the court and get full custody. Yes you are entitled to CM, your ex is CF.

Go back to court and get full custody? Are you ok?!

And what does he earn?
if it's 50/50 then both parents could put in a claim. On £60k it says the parent would have to pay £245. On £40k it's £168. Even on £20k it's £69. So that £350 would then be reduced by whatever the other parent earns and what their payment obligation would be.

For the same reason most people think the woman should be the home maker and look after the children more than the male does

They are not subsidising it, they are paying for their child. The OP’s ex doesn’t have to pay maintenance if he can show he’s paying 50% of costs and daily care e.g. appointments, taking time off work when the child is ill etc.

If he doesn’t want to, or can’t prove that then CMS will work out a proportion of his wage and then subtract whatever is necessary for the fact that he has his DD for half the nights. Which isn’t all of it. A system that presumably exists because the powers that are aware that overnights is a broad measure that doesn’t really take into account who is doing the actual parenting.

Will he be going 50/50 on clothes/ Christmas/ activities?

This isn't true, it depends who is claiming the child benefit.

I thought we’d already covered this upthread. I don’t think both parents can put in a claim. Only the one claiming the Child benefit. Both parents can’t be the ‘paying parent’.

The problem with 50/50 no maintenance is that in this case it is likely the actual costs of the child will not be split equally. The OP can say all she wants to her ex "you need to pay half of the school uniform" or "she needs new shoes please pay half" but what does she do if he refuses? Go back to court for a school uniform? If he won't pay he knows his child won't go without - as her mother will make sure she has what she needs. If OP won't pay, she knows her child will go shoeless or uniformless.

Also is he really going to do 50 % of the school drop offs and pick up? 50 percent of holiday clubs or activities? 50% of the actual work.

I think the OP knows damn well that he won't - she has already said that it is more like 75% at the moment so she will be screwed financially.

So which parent gets to claim the child benefit? As the higher paying parent why would you willingly let the other parent claim CB if it means you have to pay maintenance?

I'm not trying to defend deadbeat dads but I genuinely don't understand why this is the case. Both parents have as much opportunity to work as each other. Why is one expected to subsidise the other?

I do 50/50 with my higher earning ex, he doesn’t pay maintenance. He does pay for clothes , activities etc. on his time tbh I think I’m better off since he’s bee doing a fair share as my costs have reduced and I can work more. More than balances out lost maintenance

No idea but much less than me

Oh and also - he was apparently told that the calculator you can use online is incorrect?

It is correct that's what it goes off. Dont listen to him.

That's not what OP said.